Divorcing borderliner bulletin, 2017

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NEWS CONTENTS

• 20170531 : Gaslighting State Mind Control and Abusive Narcissism ( May 31, 2017 , www.informationclearinghouse.info )
• 20170526 : Working With Your Lawyer During a Divorce ( May 26, 2017 , www.womansdivorce.com )

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[May 31, 2017] Gaslighting State Mind Control and Abusive Narcissism

May 31, 2017 | www.informationclearinghouse.info

The psychological term "Gaslighting" comes from a 1944 Hollywood classic movie called Gaslight. Gaslighting describes the abuse employed by a narcissist to instil in their victim's mind, an extreme anxiety and confusion to the extent where they no longer have faith in their own powers of logic, reason and judgement. These gaslighting techniques were adopted by central intelligence agencies in the US and Europe as part of their psychological warfare methods, used primarily during torture or interrogation.

Gaslighting as an abuser's modus operandi, involves, specifically, the withholding of factual information and its replacement with false or fictional information designed to confuse and disorientate. This subtle and Machiavellian process eventually undermines the mental stability of its victims reducing them to such a depth of insecurity and identity crisis that they become entirely dependent upon their abuser for their sense of reality and even identity.

Gaslighting involves a step by step psychological process to manipulate and destabilize its victim. It is built up over time and consists of repetitive information feeds that enter the victim's subconscious over a period of time, until it is fully registered on the subconscious "hard disk" and cannot be overridden by the conscious floppy disk. Put more simply, it is brainwashing.

" Overall, the main reason for gaslighting is to create a dynamic where the abuser has complete control over their victim so that they are so weak that they are very easy to manipulate." ~ Alex Myles

Three Stages of Gaslighting

• Stage One: The first stage depends upon trust in the integrity and unimpeachable intentions of the abuser, a state of reliance that has been engendered by the abuser's artful self-promotion and ingratiating propaganda. Once this trust is gained, the abuser will begin to subtly undermine it, creating situations and environments where the victim will begin to doubt their own judgement. Eventually the victim will rely entirely upon the abuser to alleviate their uncertainty and to restore their sense of reality which is in fact that of the abuser.
• Stage Two: The second stage, defence, is a process by which the abuser isolates the victim, not only from their own sense of identity but from the validation of their peers. They are made to feel that their opinion is worthless, discredited, down-right weird. In political circles they would be labelled a conspiracy theorist, a dissident, a terror apologist. As a consequence, the victim will withdraw from society and cease to express themselves for fear of ridicule, judgement or punishment.

  This stage can also be compared to Stockholm Syndrome where a hostage or captive is reduced,by psychological mind games, back to infantile dependency upon their captor. Narcissistic abuse bonds the victim to the aggressor via trauma. Stockholm Syndrome bonds the victim to the aggressor via regression to an infantile state where the abuser/aggressor becomes the "parent" who will rescue the victim from imminent annihilation. Both methods tap into the victim's survival mechanisms to gain and maintain control.

• Stage Three: The final stage is depression. A life under the tyrannical rule of a narcissist drives the victim into a state of extreme confusion. They are stripped of dignity & self-reliance. They, ultimately exist in an information vacuum which is only filled by that which the abuser deems suitable or relevant. This can eventually invoke symptoms of PTSD [Post Traumatic Stress Disorder]. Flashbacks, constant apprehension, hyper vigilance, mind paralysis, rage and even violence. The process is complete and the victim has been reduced to a willing accomplice in the abusers creation of a very distorted reality.

Exceptionalism or Narcissism?

We are currently seeing the transformation of US exceptionalism into an abusive Narcissism .

[May 26, 2017] Working With Your Lawyer During a Divorce

May 26, 2017 | www.womansdivorce.com

Working with your lawyer while going through a divorce can be aggravating at times. While you want to get everything over and done with as quickly as possible, it can seem like it is taking forever. Sometimes this is due to the legal process, and other times it may be due to an over-booked lawyer. So how do you know if your lawyer is really working for you or not? And what can you do if your lawyer isn't handling everything properly? Keep reading to find out the answers to these questions and more.

Obtaining Representation:

• Do I need an attorney to get a divorce?
• Should we use the same attorney?
• Can I proceed with his lawyer if I can't afford my own?
• How do I find a good lawyer to handle my divorce?
• Can he use his brother to represent him?
• How can I find a lawyer that practices in another state?
• Can I hire another lawyer to be a co-council?
• Can I change lawyers once the divorce is started?
• Can we start over if I get a new lawyer?
• What if my lawyer was injured and can't continue?
• Is this a normal line of questioning for a prospective client?

Retainer Fees and Agreements

• Am I violating my retainer agreement if I get a lawyer in another state?
• Can I ask for a portion of my retainer to be refunded?
• Does a retainer for hourly and filing fees include serving the petition?
• How could my retainer be used up before the petition was served?
• Is my retainer agreement still good if I had to delay my divorce?
• What if my lawyer won't refund the balance of my retainer?
• My attorney dropped me after taking my retainer.
• Can I fire my lawyer and get a refund on the retainer?
• Do we have to pay more if the retainer agreement states differently?

Legal Fees

• Can I ask that my husband pay my attorney fees?
• Why do I have to pay my lawyer if he's responsible for legal fees?
• Can my lawyer fine him $125/day until he submits financial papers?
• Can I get out of paying my lawyer's interest fees?
• Can my lawyer sue me for not paying the final bill?
• I'm afraid my lawyer will quit if I can't pay the full amount
• What if I can't afford the growing legal fees in my custody battle?
• How do I fire him and dispute his questionable billing?
• What if my lawyer threatened to sue me if I don't pay more?
• Will my lawyer's fees be taken out of the settlement escrow?

Communicating With Lawyers

• Can my lawyer talk with my husband if he isn't represented?
• Can I communicate directly with his lawyer if I represent myself?
• Can I ask his lawyer what's going on if mine won't respond?
• What if his attorney makes rude comments to me?
• What if my lawyer isn't advising me about my visitation case?
• Is it normal to not hear from your lawyer for two months?
• What can I do if my lawyer won't call back?
• My lawyer refuses to talk to me after I filed a grievance.
• What if the court is threatening to dismiss my case?

Delays and Dragging the Divorce Out

• Should I file a complaint because my divorce is taking so long?
• What could happen if I tell the judge I wasn't satisfied with my legal representation?
• What if his lawyer keeps delaying proceedings by not showing up?
• What if my lawyer is dragging my divorce out?
• Can he get a delay because he fired his first lawyer?
• What if my husband keeps changing lawyers to stall the divorce?
• Do I need to get a new lawyer to push my case along?
• How can I get my legal aid lawyer to finish the case?

Lawyer Withdrawing From Case

• Can my attorney drop me if I've been paying on time?
• What can I do if my attorney won't to represent me anymore?
• What options I do have if my free attorney dropped me?
• Is a court appearance needed if my lawyer withdraws from my case?
• Would a judge grant the withdrawal this close to the court hearing?
• Can my lawyer refuse to release my file after quitting?
• Why did my attorney seal the file that states why he quit?

Proceeding without a Lawyer

• Would she be better off representing herself or using a lawyer?
• Will my husband's relationship with the court clerk impact our case?
• Can I set a trial date to get the final decree without a lawyer?
• What should I do if I would like to proceed without a lawyer?
• Can I represent myself after I fired my lawyer?

Lawyer Conduct and Responsibility

• Can my lawyer reveal what is discussed to my in-laws?
• Isn't it my lawyer's responsibility to arrange visitation?
• Is it legal for her to use the lawyer she works for to do the papers?
• Should my lawyer ask me to write up my own papers for alimony?
• What if my lawyer isn't working on my case?
• Should I file a complaint if my lawyer is late for court and doesn't tend to matters in a timely manner?
• What if I don't trust my lawyer's advice?
• What recourse do I have if my lawyer didn't do a good job?
• What if my lawyer didn't remove untrue facts from the final papers?
• Can my lawyer suggest mediation to his lawyer without asking me?
• What if my lawyer finalized the decree without consulting me?
• Can my lawyer tell the judge that he disagrees with the settlement?

Continued

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