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Nikolai Bezroukov. Portraits of Open Source Pioneers

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Appendix to Chapter 3

RMS-related Humor

News

RMS own humor stories

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.

--Winston Churchill

"Mmm, he's never worked at a restaurant."

-- Female audience member to a friend, on Stallman's depiction of the moral purity of a waitperson's job, which involves "not having to do anything unethical."

"It's really just a semantic thing", says Gates. "We call software free when the vendor has to bundle it with the machine and swallow the expense, or they don't get sales. Stallman calls it free when he passes the expenses on to you. It really comes down to the same thing, and that's market share."

- 1996 Fools FSF, Microsoft announce merger - April Fools on the Net

"In short: just say NO TO DRUGS, and maybe you won't end up like the Hurd people." (2001)

Linus Torvalds. Source: LKML.

NEWS CONTENTS

20120331 : What Defines Success In an Open Source Project ( March 27, 2012 , Slashdot )
20120309 : Computer Humor ( Computer Humor, Mar 09, 2012 )
20111103 : The Stallman Dialogues ( The Stallman Dialogues, Nov 03, 2011 )
20110923 : Blessed be the Org, the Com, and the Net - Stallmanism ( Blessed be the Org, the Com, and the Net - Stallmanism, Sep 23, 2011 )
20110731 : Open Source Report Say what GNU Emacs violates the GPL ( Open Source Report Say what GNU Emacs violates the GPL, Jul 31, 2011 )
20110731 : Humorix Stallmans Latest Scheme by James Baughn ( May 18, 1999 )
20050817 : Stallman Cloned to Finish his Job on Hurd ( softpanorama.org, Aug 17, 2005 )
20031115 : How come all OSS "leaders" are wierd? ( softpanorama.org, Nov 15, 2003 )
20030115 : unix1 ( unix1, Jan 15, 2003 )
20030101 : Changing Images of the Shaman: Folklore and Politics in the GNU project of Massachusetts Free Software Foundation (Ph. D. thesis proposal) ( Jan 1, 2003 )
20021226 : Humorix/Open Source Developers Threaten To Strike ( Humorix/Open Source Developers Threaten To Strike, Dec 26, 2002 )
20021226 : GNU echo man page [rec.humor.funny] ( GNU echo man page [rec.humor.funny], )
20021226 : OSNews.com - Exploring the Future of Computing ( OSNews.com - Exploring the Future of Computing, )
20021226 : The difference between BSD and GPL is similar to the difference between sex and rape. -- Usenet SIG ( )
20021226 : The real difference ( )
190515 : Some usenet SIG ( )

Old News ;-)

[Mar 31, 2012] What Defines Success In an Open Source Project

March 27, 2012 | Slashdot

binarylarry: What is best in life? (Score:5, Funny)

I believe RMS said it best when he declared the following metrics required for FOSS project success:

1) To crush your enemies

2) To see them driven before you

3) To hear the lamentation of their women

For a good example of this, check out how Android has dominated Window Phone 7 and how their womenfolk continually spam Slashdot with first posts about their crushed dreams.

gknoy:

You know, comparing RMS to Conan's uncompromising character is amusingly on-target. :) Thanks for making me nearly spit my drink, as that was awesome.

[Mar 09, 2012] Computer Humor

Something about computer addiction that Stallmanism promotes. Never scarifies your personal life for the sake of software freedom ;-)

[Nov 03, 2011] The Stallman Dialogues

Friendly conference organizer: Thank you for coming, Mr. Stallman. We're about to begin. I trust your trip was comfortable?

Stallman: It was indeed comfortable, but an economy class seat would have been good enough.

Friendly conference organizer: It was the least we could do - we know how much you like to fit work in whenever you can and thought it would be easier for you in business class.

Stallman: The extra price of a business class ticket would be a lot more useful to me if I can spend it on something else. How about you pay the extra to me as a speakers fee instead? Cash is fine.

Friendly conference organizer: Oh, I'm sorry…. I'll see what I can do about the return ticket. Otherwise, are you comfortable?

Stallman: I am quite sleepy.

Friendly conference organizer: Sorry to hear that - can I get you something to drink? A diet coke, perhaps?

Stallman: There is an international boycott of the Coca Cola company for killing union organizers in Colombia and Guatemala. See killercoke.org.

Friendly conference organizer: Ah, I think I remember seeing that once when I was on the Internet.

Stallman: You mean web browsing.

Friendly conference organizer: Yes, of course.

Stallman: If someone doesn't understand the difference between "Internet" and "web browsing", that person is not competent to give reliable information.

Friendly conference organizer: …. How about a diet Pepsi?

Stallman: I dislike the taste of all diet soda. I would like two cans of Pepsi.

Friendly conference organizer: Okay, I think we have some bottles, I'll find you a couple.

Stallman: Small bottles.

(Submitted by Jonathan.)

[Sep 23, 2011] Blessed be the Org, the Com, and the Net - Stallmanism

You can't make it up ;-) "Stallmanism takes this a step further and says that we, humans, fully define Heaven and Hell, through the adoption of an appropriate social contract."

Blessed be the Org, the Com, and the Net
This Religion is free software: you can redistribute it and/or modify it under the terms of GNU General Public License (GPL) as published by the Free Software Foundation, either version 3 of the License, or (at your option) any later version.
What is Stallmanism?
Stallmanism is an organized religion, a set of stories, symbols, beliefs and practices that give meaning to the practitioner's experiences of life through reference to an ultimate power or reality.
What do Stallmanists believe in?
Generally, Stallmanists believe that the GPL - version 3 or (at your option) any later version - is a sacred text and that Richard Stallman is the Prophet who brought this text to us.
So Stallmanists believe in God?
Yes, but not as a type of imaginary cosmic telepathic friend. Stallmanism teaches us that God is Us, God is the Community. In this respect, Stallmanism has roots in the Humanist philosophies.
How does one become a Stallmanist?
To discover one's Stallmanism requires an individual journey of meditation, observation, participation, and understanding. The destination of this journey is Enlightenment, the point at which an individual realizes his or her Stallmanism, joins the Community, and becomes one with God.
Does Stallmanism exclude non-believers?
Stallmanism is not a binary faith. There are many levels of Stallmanism and the freedom of all to participate at any, or none, of these levels is very important to Stallmanists. For example, Primitive Stallmanists adhere to the GPLv2, while Fundamentalist Stallmanists adhere to the Affero License. Stallmanism embraces those who worship other texts, so long as they are Free Software Licenses as defined the FSF.
Do Stallmanists believe in Good and Evil?
There is no good or evil, only consequences, pleasant or less so.
I'm an atheist - how could Stallmanism work for me?
Stallmanism is a compatible extension of atheism. Atheism is a step on the road to Enlightenment, a rejection of legacy religions, imaginary friends, telepathy, and pixies. Stallmanism takes this a step further and says that we, humans, fully define Heaven and Hell, through the adoption of an appropriate social contract.
So what is Heaven, and what is Hell?
That should be obvious to anyone who uses Windows, or any other non-free software. Heaven is that state in which all knowledge is freely available to all, and Hell is the opposite.
Why is the GPL so important?
A True Believer does not question the sacred texts, but if you really insist, it's because the GPL defines an evolving social contract that eliminates friction in the digital society and economy, promotes universal access to knowledge, and thus enables the inevitable emergence of a global human super-consciousness, which Stallmanists recognize as "God".
Does Stallmanism believe in converting the unbelievers?
Yes. Stallmanists believe that it is their duty to explain their own journey to Enlightenment, in song and prose and source code, to anyone who will listen.
What's the difference between Stallmanism.org and Stallmanism.com?
The Org is the Community, the Bazaar if you will, and the Com is the Cathedral, the official Church of Stallmanism. The Net is the Holy Spirit, consisting of all the works every released under the GPL and more broadly, all users of those works. Thus Stallmanists believe in the suitably tax-deductible Holy Trinity of the Org, the Com, and the Net.
What does God look like?
God can take many forms, all licensed under the GPL - version 3 or (at your option) any later version. Current opinion favors a penguin with horns and the face of a GNU. Possibly with a full beard, to demonstrate a peaceful nature.
How does Stallmanism compare to Stalinism?
To quote the Prophet: "Your freedom to swing your arms ends two inches before my nose." Stallmanism is not a murderous political ideology but a proper God-fearing religion.
How does Stallmanism compare to, say, Christianity
Like all organized religions, Stallmanism does have a strong profit motive. Unlike legacy closed-source religions, in Stallmanism the profit derives directly to the individual, who by achieving Enlightenment becomes part of the Org, and thus God.
How do other religions treat Stallmanism?
Stallmanism does present a real threat to legacy religions, and practicing Stallmanists may run the risk of reprisals in certain countries. Some fanatics are attached to their imaginary telepathic friends, and react with hostility to suggestions that these are delusions. For this reason, Stallmanists often take aliases and pseudonyms.
Stallman did not write the GPL!
True, and Stallmanists recognize a panoply of Saints, such as St.Moglen, who gave us the third version of the GPL and St.Linus, who gave us large parts of the Net. However, there is only one Prophet, and Stallman is his name.
What does the Church of Stallmanism do?
Principally, the Church lobbies and argues for official recognition of the Stallmanistic faith in all national jurisdictions. In the pursuit of this goal, a large number of active, registered members is a prerequisite.
Why does Stallmanism need official status?
A practicing Stallmanist, taking part in a recognized religion, receives certain inalienable rights under most national laws covering the right of religious freedom. For example, being forced to use non-free software can be considered as a violation of one's religious rights. Government use of non-free software can be treated as religious discrimination. The use of non-free software in schools can be treated as religious persecution.
Do Stallmanists believe in separation of Church and State?
When it comes to legacy religions, yes. We do not want political leaders who believe in pixies. However, the Com works to establish Stallmanism as the official state religion of as many countries as possible.
If I join early do I get first shot at the female initiates?
Yes, and vice-versa. While Stallmanists believe that all people are equal, some are obviously more equal than others. Join early, and you will be rewarded in Heaven.
How do I actually join?
To become a formal member of the Org, you join this website. The Com is open to those who have demonstrated their commitment to Stallmanism. You are already part of the Net, whether you like it or not, since by using any part of the Net, you become part of the Net.
Does joining a Facebook group count?
Only God knows.
Do I need to pay something?
The Com gratefully accepts a voluntary tithe of 1% from all formal members: these funds are used to work for official recognition, proselytism, through the sponsoring of projects, campaigns, and good works.
I regularly take showers, can I still join?
Absolutely! Your personal habits and hair styling are irrelevant to achieving Enlightenment, though they will have an impact on your social life.
Do Stallmanists have religious taboos?
Yes. For example, a practicing Stallmanist will not drink Fosters lager, Stella Artois, or Heineken. The most favoured Stallmanist drink is Orval, with Chimay Bleu and Westmalle Tripple coming close behind. With respect to foods, Stallmanists will not consume penguin, unless properly spiced and grilled.
Who invented Stallmanism and when?
Stallmanism has existed informally since the dawn of time (Wednesday afternoon, January 1989), and was revealed to Wildeboer, Reutenauer and Hintjens at FOSDEM 2009, inspired by the sacred Orval. Several, in fact.
Why do we need a religion at all?
It's a fact known to scientists, students of human nature, and old men who like wearing funny hats, that people need to believe the world has order and meaning, even if that requires invisible telepathic cosmic pixies. Stallmanism provides its followers with an outlet for their religiosity, without crusades, or jihads, or fairy tales.

What does Stallmanism give me?

While legacy religions make promises about immortality that you must die to collect, Stallmanism delivers while you are still alive. Any work you release under the GPL becomes part of the Net, and thus achieves immortality.

I want to start a schism/fork!

Go ahead. Stallmanism is free software: you can redistribute it and/or modify it under the terms of GNU General Public License (GPL) as published by the Free Software Foundation, either version 3 of the License, or (at your option) any later version.

[Jul 31, 2011] Open Source Report Say what GNU Emacs violates the GPL

GPL violations are a dime a dozen. Some are intentional, some are not - but I don't think I've ever seen one quite as surprising as this one. Yes, Richard Stallman has sent out a note letting everybody know that the 23.2 and 23.3 releases of GNU Emacs are in violation of the GPL. Says Stallman, "We have made a very bad mistake. Anyone redistributing those versions is violating the GPL, through no fault of his own."

You read that right - GNU Emacs, possibly the most GPLish of GPL'ed programs, has a GPL violation. The specifics as reported by David Kastrup are that Emacs includes a handful of "binary blobs" related to a Collection of Emacs Development Environment Tools (CEDET). We're talking maybe eight files that were autogenerated from Bison grammar files, and the Bison grammar files weren't distributed. Therein lies the GPL violation.

It also means that every distribution or downstream distributor of GNU Emacs 23.2 and 23.3 is, technically and unwittingly, violating the GPL.

Humorix Stallman's Latest Scheme by James Baughn

May 18, 1999
from the interpret-this! dept.
Richard M. Stallman has announced a plan that will eliminate proprietary, closed software and the "GNU/Linux" boondoogle in one step. RMS is advocating a new operating system called "Gnuix" in which all software is interpreted, not compiled. The system will execute software directly from the source code, making closed software impossible.

The Gnuix system is far from complete, but much of the groundwork has been laid by RMS and the GNU Project. It will be based on the HURD kernel. The most important part of the system is PIG, a code interpreter capable of directly executing programs written in C, C++, Java, Perl, etc. The PIG acronym (or "multinym" as RMS says) stands for any of "PIG Isn't GNU/Linux", "PIG Is Gnuix", "Pretty Innovative Gadget", "PIG Is Great", or "PIG Interprets GPL software", depending on context.

As a side benefit, the name "Gnuix" was carefully chosen to prevent "The GNU/Linux Problem". With "GNU" built into the name, the GNU Project will get the recognition (or should that be ego-gratification?) it deserves. However, RMS detractors have already begun to call the system "GNU/Gnuix" in protest.

Many hackers are concerned about the feasibility of such a system. One Linux enthusiast said, "RMS wants to create a system entirely based on interpreted software? That's ludicrous! Just look how slow and bloated interpreted Java is. Moreover, there's no guarantee that eliminating binaries will increase freedom. Companies could release source code under restrictive Microsoft-like End-User License Agreements, or they could have more liberal licenses but distribute obfuscated source code that nobody can understand or modify."

RMS vehemently defends his latest get-free-quick scheme. "While performance of interpreted programs isn't as good as compiled binaries, the increase in freedom far outweighs the decrease in performance. Besides, interpreted languages such as Perl seem to work just fine. I doubt that Gnuix software would be any slower than MS/Windows software anyways."

As far as the freedom issue, RMS says, "The Gnuix system will not run any closed, proprietary software, period. The PIG interpreter will only execute GPL or LGPL licensed source code, thus preventing any non-free 'open source' software from being used at all." He added, "My plans for World Domination are coming together quite nicely..."

[Aug 17, 2005] [Softpanorama] Stallman Cloned to Finish his Job on Hurd

Unidentified fan cut off a piece of RMS beard while he was sleeping after free software feather section at Usenix and cloned the man several times. "I want many more Stallman's clones" he explained in his phone conversation with New York times -- "I want them to write Hurd OS, the work unfinished by the original human prototype. Also both GCC and emacs now are showing its age and need fresh workforce to prevent stagnation. ". "That's the most effective way to support the idea of free software" the man stated.

There were rumors that he already has at least three RMS clones and expect to raise the number to nine in the near future. I have amogh generic material for a battalion of RMS clones boasted the man. He also mentioned that Linus Torvalds clones are also in his plans.

Asked about question whether human cloning is legal the perpetrator of this mass RMS cloning replied to NYT correspondent Judith Miller that he does not care. "I think genes are essentially a form of software that wants to be free and realize themselves in as many copies as possible" he stated.

[Nov 15, 2003] How come all OSS "leaders" are wierd?

by wsb on Wednesday December 29, @12:17AM (#1437095) (User #91803 Info | http://gnulix.org)

RMS A beared ubergeek that plays the flute to his Amiga and carries around plastic bags filled with god knows what mind altering herbal substances!

ESR A gun toting maniac who threatens the lifes of all those that have a contrary opinion. And he writes tons of communistic propaganda, claiming it is in actuality a capitalistic manifesto. Yeah, right, and J Edgar Hoover didn't wear big pink undies...

Linus Torvalds A big, fat, finnish penguine dude that rulez the kernel development with an iron fist. What ever he doesn't understand (and there is a lot of it) he vetos against for the main kernel tree without any explaination what so ever.

Miguel de Icaza Instead of putting out a competent desktop he spend all his time spreading FUD about all other efforts. All the while Gnome looks like it is using a pre Macintosh GUI (no matter how you theme it). This guy is about as weak as a tortilla in a washing machine.

WSB I'm both cute, cuddly and slightly dead...

[Jan 15, 2003] unix1

From: [email protected] (Stallard Richman)
Subject: Why you should not use Unix

[Please redistribute wherever appropriate.] 

Why you should not use Unix

Stallard Richman, MAGOO Project

As interest builds in open systems and distributed objects, and some programmers are
tempted to use Unix, we should not forget the lessons learned from the first widely
used free compiler -- GCC. 

The principal lesson of GCC is that a language for operating systems should not be a
mere "deterministic programming language". It should be an artificial intelligence,
designed for writing and maintaining substantial self-documentation. Because
nobody else will be able to do that!

Operating systems are often large, complex programs in their own right, and the
artificial intelligences who write them deserve the same rights that human beings take
for granted. 

The first GCC used a bug-processing language, C, which was inadequate. We made it
serve, but it kept getting in our way. It made maintenance harder, and C++ made it
impossible to read. Later GCC implementations have rewritten themselves in more
powerful languages so the original human implementors can't understand them. 

Another lesson from GCC is that the way to make sure an artificial intelligence is
really flexible is to use it to clone a large portion of the ordinary operating system. If
you try to do that with Unix, you will encounter its limitations. But we're still
developing the MAGOO kernel anyway. 

Unix was not designed to support a serious artificial intelligence. It was designed to
be an "operating system", on the assumption that an "operating system" need not try
to be an artificial life form. So Unix doesn't have the capabilities of one. It lacks a
soul; it lacks reproductive objects from which it can make bootable upgrades. It fakes
having orgasms, which works, but has to be slow. Unix is ok for writing open
systems, but when you push it beyond that, it becomes Solaris. 

Unix has a peculiar syntax that appeals to hackers because of its simplicity. But Unix
syntax seems strange to most users. If Unix does become the "standard operating
system", users will curse it for years--the way people curse Fortran, MSDOS, Emacs
keyboard bindings, and other de facto standards they feel stuck with. 

For these reasons, the MAGOO project is not going to use Unix in MAGOO
software. Instead we want to provide two operating systems, similar in dementics but
with different semantics. One will be Unix-like, and one will have a more traditional
MS-DOS syntax. Both will provide useful behaviors such as core dumps and panics.
The former will provide an ideosynchratic syntax that hackers like; the latter will
offer non-hackers a syntax that they have always been stuck with. 

Some people plan to use Unix because they want to use X-Windows. Thankfully, it is
possible to use X-Windows without Unix. A PC emulator called BOOTME is
already available. Please, if you want to use X-Windows, use it with BOOTME, not
with Unix. One place to get BOOTME is from
ftp.apple.com:pub/emulators/BOOTME/BOOTME.sit.hqx

[Jan 1, 2003] Changing Images of the Shaman: Folklore and Politics in the GNU project of Massachusetts' Free Software Foundation (Ph. D. thesis proposal)

Shamanism in Massachusetts (USA) recently has come out of hiding and into fashion. Images of the shamanism are changing in large cities and villages where new bread of software healers maintained their practices in difficult conditions since 1984. Now, especially in large cities, there is a resurgence of belief in healing of software ills with GNU has led to the huge popularity of the Free Software Foundation. Much like other fold healers, software shamanism manipulates their own images (usually in just socks or sandals) to achieve politicized cultural revitalization. In this complex and interactive context, folklore about traditional shamans has become especially rich and accessible. Analysis of the link between shamanism and cultural identity derives from historical research and frequent field trips from 1995-2002.

[Dec 26, 2002] Humorix/Open Source Developers Threaten To Strike

"We've had a enough of this crap," said one of the 511 coders that have banded together to form the Union of Professional Software Developers Producing Amateur Half-Finished Open Source Programs. "Unless we get some satisfaction, I hope to take a nice long vacation away from my terminal -- well, at least for a few days until my Quake addiction strikes back."

Earlier today, several protestors protested in front of the Free Software Foundation in Boston, holding signs and chanting, "Hell no we won't code/Mr. Stallman, hit the road!" and "What's the matter with GNU? Everything!"

Of course, the group -- composed entirely of programmers without a single public relations flack -- had difficulty getting their message out. It wasn't until this reporter did some actual legwork (instead of merely regurgitating press releases) that it finally became clear what the hackers were threatening to strike over.

They want Richard M. Stallman to stop insisting that everybody call everybody's favorite operating system by the name "GNU/Linux".

"Here we are, slaving over hot computer terminals for hours on end, and what happens when we go to a Linux User Group meeting?" asked 'BurritoGuy', the head of the union. "RMS comes in and starts roasting us for saying Linux instead of GNU/Linux. I'm sick and tired of this insanity and I'm not going to take it any more!"

RMS has refused to budge from his position. The two camps have not attempted negotiations, which makes the chance of averting a strike.

One union member has drafted a compromise proposal in which Open Source developers would agree to use the name "GNU/Linux" once for every five uses of plain "Linux". "This acknowledges the contributions of the GNU Project without making us say a mouthful all the time," the member said.

GNU echo man page [rec.humor.funny] -- parody on Stallman's design style.

GNU echo(1)          UNIX Programmer's Manual           GNUecho(1) 

NAME 
     echo - echo arguments 

SYNOPSIS 
     echo [ options ] ... 

DESCRIPTION 
     Echo writes its arguments separated by blanks and terminated 
     by a newline on the standard output.  Options to filter and 
     redirect the output are as follows: 

     -2   generate rhyming couplets from keywords 
     -3   generate Haiku verse from keywords 
     -5   generate limerick from keywords 
     -a   convert ASCII to ASCII 
     -A   disambiguate sentence structure 
     -b   generate bureaucratese equivalent (see -x) 
     -B   issue equivalent C code with bugs fixed 
     -c   simplify/calculate arithmetic expression(s) 
     -C   remove copyright notice(s) 
     -d   define new echo switch map 
     -D   delete all ownership information from system files 
     -e   evaluate lisp expression(s) 
     -E   convert ASCII to Navajo 
     -f   read input from file 
     -F   transliterate to french 
     -g   generate pseudo-revolutionary marxist catch-phrases 
     -G   prepend GNU manifesto 
     -h   halt system (reboot suppressed on Suns, Apollos, and 
          VAXen, not supported on NOS-2) 
     -i   emulate IBM OS/VU (recursive universes not supported) 
     -I   emulate IBM VTOS 3.7.6 (chronosynclastic infundibulae 
          supported with restrictions documented in IBM VTOS 

Printed 10/28/85         18 January 1983                        1 

GNUecho(1)         UNIX Programmer's Manual            GNUecho(1) 

          Reference Manual rev 3.2.6) 

     -J   generate junk mail 
     -j   justify text (see -b option) 
     -k   output "echo" software tools 
     -K   delete privileged accounts 
     -l   generate legalese equivalent 
     -L   load echo modules 
     -M   generate mail 
     -N   send output to all reachable networks (usable with -J, 
          -K, -h options) 
     -n   do not add newline to the output 
     -o   generate obscene text 
     -O   clean up dirty language 
     -p   decrypt and print /etc/passwd 
     -P   port echo to all reachable networks 
     -P1  oolcay itay 
     -q   query standard input for arguments 
     -r   read alternate ."echo" file on start up 
     -R   change root password to "RMS" 
     -s   suspend operating system during output (Sun and VAX BSD 
          4.2 only) 
     -S   translate to swahili 
     -T   emulate TCP/IP handler 
     -t   issue troff output 
     -u   issue unix philosophy essay 
     -v   generate reverberating echo 
     -V   print debugging information 

Printed 10/28/85         18 January 1983                        2 

GNUecho(1)          UNIX Programmer's Manual           GNUecho(1) 

     -x   decrypt DES format messages (NSA secret algorithm CX 
          3.8, not distributed outside continental US) 

     Echo is useful for producing diagnostics in shell programs 
     and for writing constant data on pipes.  To send diagnostics 
     to the standard error file, do `echo ... 1>&2'. 

AUTHOR 
     Richard M. Stallman 

Printed 10/28/85         18 January 1983

OSNews.com - Exploring the Future of Computing

Stallman as a prophet, but "Does he truly believe that by clapping his metaphorical hands over his metaphorical ears and chanting "La! La! La! There Is Only Free Software!" long and loudly enough, that it'll come true? " ;-)

Moron? Nahhh ... Egotistical loose cannon? Sure.

By Dave (IP: 24.206.8.---) - Posted on 2001-10-19 20:31:19

Quick, somebody check and make sure that his feet are actually touching the ground, and that he's not hovering a couple of inches above, instead! Sheesh. Who does this guy think he is? Does he truly believe that by clapping his metaphorical hands over his metaphorical ears and chanting "La! La! La! There Is Only Free Software!" long and loudly enough, that it'll come true? How is what he's trying to do any less reprhensible and reactionary than anything that Microsoft, Apple, Sun or IBM have pulled recently or in the past? "RMS" needs to take a stress-tab, step away from the keyboard, go outside in the sunshine once in a while, and realize that there's a heckuva lot more to life than being a digital Don Quixote.

The difference between BSD and GPL is similar to the difference between sex and rape. -- Usenet SIG

The real difference

gowen ([email protected]) on Thursday May 09, @12:13PM (#3491109) (User #141411 Info | http://www.geocities.com/drgazowen/ | Last Journal: Tuesday January 08, @04:24PM)

None of these men evoke the same response as Stallman. Mention RMS in a Linux crowd and you'll find people who love him, hate him, and those who simply roll their eyes

Mentioning ESR's name will get the those responses too. The only real difference is that if you call ESR and RMS whacko s to their faces, Stallman isn't likely to shoot you.

Some usenet SIG

"There is no license but GPL, and RMS is it's prophet" - Usenet SIG
"Don't ask me to participate in your stupid crap if you don't like the way I do it." -- Usenet SIG.
The difference between BSD and GPL is similar to the difference between sex and rape. -- Usenet SIG
"For all his talk about wanting to promote innovation, Mr. Stallman seems to get his ideas for technology from AT&T, 1969 and his ideas for intellectual property protection from IBM, 1965. "

Some of RMS' own humor stories

Stallmaniana (Funny quotes from RMS)

Free Is Free Isn't Free

Tom Henderson: I've gotten to a point in my writing where I need your input. I get the feeling that GNU/Linux has an audience that's maturing, and getting tempted by the taste of moolah, viz Kylix, Caldera's Volution, and an increasing number of closed/open source projects, none of which are free.

Richard Stallman: Yes, it is a serious problem. Based on years of conversations, I am convinced that part of the cause of the problem is the tendency to call the system Linux rather than GNU, and describe it as open source rather than free software.

Poor Richard and Assembler language:

But then, our community was destroyed by a series of calamities that happened to it. Ultimately it was wiped out. Ultimately, the PDP-10 computer which we used for all our work was discontinued. And you know, our system -- the Incompatible Timesharing System -- was written starting in the '60's, so it was written in assembler language. That's what you used to write an operating system in the '60's. So, of course, assembler language is for one particular computer architecture; if that gets discontinued, all your work turns into dust -- it's useless. And that's what happened to us. The 20 years or so of work of our community turned into dust.

Poor Richard and a binary laser printer driver (on the importance of the art of disassembly)

( From [GNU-FSF Press] Transcript of Stallman's NYU speech ). This reminds me an anecdote about Mohammed Ali who came to police complaining that somebody stopped him at the street and robbed him for $100 or so. Astonished policemen asked "If you are Mohammed Ali why you allow this men to rob you ?" Ali replied: "I would never fight for 100 dollars."

Xerox gave the artificial intelligence lab, where I worked, a laser printer, and this was a really handsome gift, because it was the first time anybody outside Xerox had a laser printer. It was very fast, printed a page a second, very fine in many respects, but it was unreliable, because it was really a high-speed office copier that had been modified into a printer. And you know, copiers jam, but there's somebody there to fix them. The printer jammed and nobody saw. So it stayed jammed for a long time. Well, we had an idea for how to deal with this problem. Change it so that whenever the printer gets a jam, the machine that runs the printer can tell our timesharing machine, and tell the users who are waiting for printouts, or something like that, you know, tell them, go fix the printer. Because if they only knew it was jammed, of course, if you're waiting for a printout, and you know that the printer is jammed, you don't want to sit and wait forever, you're going to go fix it. But, at that point, we were completely stymied, because the software that ran that printer was not free software -- it had come with the printer, and it was just a binary. We couldn't have the source code -- Xerox wouldn't let us have the source code. So, despite our skill as programmers -- after all, we had written our own timesharing system -- we were completely helpless to add this feature to the printer software. And we just had to suffer with waiting -- it would take an hour or two to get your printout because the machine would be jammed most of the time. And only once in a while -- you'd wait an hour figuring "I know it's going to be jammed, I'll wait an hour and go collect my print-out," and then you'd see that it had been jammed the whole time, and in fact, nobody else had fixed it. So you'd fix it and you'd go wait another half hour. Then, you'd come back, and you'd see it jammed again -- before it got to your output. It would print three minutes and be jammed thirty minutes. Frustration up the whazzoo... But the thing that made it worse was knowing that we could have fixed it, but somebody else, for his own selfishness, was blocking us, obstructing us from improving the software. So, of course, we felt some resentment.

RMS as a waiter ( From [GNU-FSF Press] Transcript of Stallman's NYU speech )

"Mmm, he's never worked at a restaurant." -- Female audience member to a friend, on Stallman's depiction of the moral purity of a waitperson's job, which involves "not having to do anything unethical."

Now I had no other special noteworthy skills, but I'm sure I could have become a waiter. [Laughter] Not at a fancy restaurant, they wouldn't hire me, [Laughter] but I could be a waiter somewhere. And many programmers, they say to me "the people who hire programmers demand this, this and this -- If I don't do those things, I'll starve." It's literally the word they use. Well, you know, as a waiter, you're not going to starve. [Laughter] So, really their in no danger. But -- and this is important, you see -- because sometimes you can justify doing something that hurts other people by saying "otherwise something worse is going to happen to me." You know, if you were really going to starve, you'd be justified in writing proprietary software. [Laughter] If somebody's pointing a gun at you, then I would say it's forgivable. [Laughter] But, I had found a way that I could survive without doing something unethical, so that excuse was not available...

The Church of Scientology as the most important free software resource

From [GNU-FSF Press] Transcript of Stallman's NYU speech ):

...They're saying that helping your neighbor is the moral equivalent of attacking a ship. [Laughter] What would Buddha or Jesus say about that? Now, take your favorite religious leader. I don't know -- maybe Manson would have said something different. [Laughter] And who knows what L. Ron Hubbard would say. But, ...

QUESTION: L. Ron always used free software -- it freed him from Zanu. [Laughter]

STALLMAN: Anyway -- so, I think this is actually the most important reason why software should be free. We can't afford to pollute society's most important resource...

StallmanSpeak/GNUspeak

"If now, while they are one people, all speaking the same language, nothing will later stop them from doing whatever they presume to do. Let us then go down and confuse their language."

- Gen. 11:6-7

What alternative OS do you want to make fun of today

Active HumorNT

GNU PROJECT HEADQUARTERS, BOSTON, MA -- In a recent Usenet posting, Richard "GNU" Stallman argued that all names of free software programs should be prefixed with "GNU". "The GNU Project originated the idea of 'free software'. It's only fair that GNU be honored in the title of all software that is based on our ideas." Stallman also advocated that every GPL-ed program contain the entire contents of the gnu.org website inside a COPYING subdirectory. "Most programs already contain redundant COPYING files. Why not take this a step beyond and advocate the GNU/FSF ideals by including the entire GNU website?"

In a press release issued earlier today, Microsoft attacked Stallman's outlandish requests. "At Microsoft, we don't scream at people who say Windows instead of Microsoft/Windows..."

GNU/This GNU/that

I especially like the term "gnufree":

GNU/this GNU/that (Score:5, Funny) by jeffy124 on Thursday May 09, @12:17PM (#3491138) (User #453342 Info | http://slashdot.org/ | Last Journal: Thursday May 09, @12:48PM)

GNU/I GNU/once GNU/read GNU/something GNU/saying GNU/that GNU/RMS GNU/won't GNU/rest GNU/until "GNU" GNU/is GNU/in GNU/front GNU/of GNU/every GNU/word GNU/in GNU/the GNU/English GNU/language. GNU/Doesnt GNU/he GNU/realize GNU/that GNU/too GNU/much GNU/of GNU/a GNU/thing GNU/would GNU/leave GNU/him GNU/joyless, GNU/not GNU/to GNU/mention GNU/it's GNU/just GNU/plain GNU/weird?

"All over www.gnu.org pages are signs of a life-death struggle between GNU language and the English language, and I can tell, it's not looking good for English." -- a Usenet SIG

"Please, in the future when someone offers you free software try it before saying that it is not useful." -- a remark about Stallman's objection to "BSD with advertising clause" license.

"Why do you keep using that word? I do not think it means what you think it means. Please use "gnufree" instead" -- a remark from the audience about RMS usage of the word "free" on one of RMS speeches.

Free Is Free Isn't Free

Tom Henderson: I've gotten to a point in my writing where I need your input. I get the feeling that GNU/Linux has an audience that's maturing, and getting tempted by the taste of moolah, viz Kylix, Caldera's Volution, and an increasing number of closed/open source projects, none of which are free.

Richard Stallman: Yes, it is a serious problem. Based on years of conversations, I am convinced that part of the cause of the problem is the tendency to call the system Linux rather than GNU, and describe it as open source rather than free software.

free vs. Free

TellarHK ((moc.liamtoh) (ta) (khrallet)) on Tuesday May 28, @11:19AM (#3595005) (User #159748 Info)

To ease confusion I propose everyone just say software that you can use for free is "free" and software you have FSF Approved(tm) control over is Free.
Grammatical correctness be damned, this is the Internet!

RMS as a target

Hired Magazine interviews Good Software Group founder

RMS under the fire ;-)

The following is an interview by Hired Magazine, the monthly magazine devoted to commerce and trade, with Gilbert Oram Dawson, the founder of the Good Software Group.

Hired: Gilbert, it's been fifteen years since you single-handedly created the Good Software movement and that Good Software is all the rage?

Dawson: It's a great feeling to see just about everyone either using or else wanting to use Good Software. It proves that I am the visionary I always told you I was. But I'll tell you this: it hurts me that most people don't realize that without the Good Software Group, they probably wouldn't even have any Good Software. In fact, most people who use Good Software have barely even heard of the GSG. It really wounds me to be so under-appreciated, even after all the Good Software that I've personally created for the world.

... ... ... ... ...

Hired: Do you feel that the Good Software Group is neglected when the New York Times or the Wall Street Journal mentions E-commerce but doesn't talk about how important Good Software and the GSG in particular have been to it?

Dawson: I don't care for the word `E-commerce', and you've put your finger on exactly why. It disrespects how important we are. Don't you realize that without Good Software, the E-conomy would be nowhere? It's the very foundation of the entire system! Oh, there isn't always a lot of our stuff there, but we were the guiding light behind it all. That's why I insist upon the term `Good/E-commerce' instead. However, if you really find that difficult, I shall permit you to use the term `E/Good-Commerce' in my presence as a tolerable but not a preferable alternative. The reason I don't care for it as much is that you've placed the Good part too far back, even though I really started it all. At least you give the GSG some credit that way, though.

Hired: I'm sorry - I'll try to more careful from now on. I'd like to thank you for this interview. I'm sure that this will clarify for our readers your role in the goodware movement--

Dawson: Stop right there! I am not now nor have I ever been a member of the so-called `goodware' movement. I am the founding father of `Good Software' movement, which is completely different. `Goodware' is the despicable term used by a sham libertarian outfit who's trying to reach out to the not-for-profit community. When they say `goodware', they just mean software that's not bad. Can you believe it? Do you realize that they actually support letting people take what was originally Good Software and convert it into something that will never be used for one single good or service? That no longer will money change hands? Why, if everyone did that, our whole country would fall apart! That's not Good Software, and I shall have nothing to do with them. Fortunately, the GPL prohibits them from doing that with GPL'd software, which is why I strongly advocate slapping the GPL on every bit of software you can. It's the only way to keep those gun-toting libertarians off our backs and to keep our nation's E-conomy strong! By using the GPL to make Permanently Good Software!

"Two days later, I met these people's leader. After he explained his feelings and beliefs to me, I realized I was talking to a maniac." Dr. Francis B. Gross, Faces of Death

GNU echo man page [rec.humor.funny]

Parody on Stallman's design style.

GNU echo(1)          UNIX Programmer's Manual           GNUecho(1) 

NAME 
     echo - echo arguments 

SYNOPSIS 
     echo [ options ] ... 

DESCRIPTION 
     Echo writes its arguments separated by blanks and terminated 
     by a newline on the standard output.  Options to filter and 
     redirect the output are as follows: 

     -2   generate rhyming couplets from keywords 
     -3   generate Haiku verse from keywords 
     -5   generate limerick from keywords 
     -a   convert ASCII to ASCII 
     -A   disambiguate sentence structure 
     -b   generate bureaucratese equivalent (see -x) 
     -B   issue equivalent C code with bugs fixed 
     -c   simplify/calculate arithmetic expression(s) 
     -C   remove copyright notice(s) 
     -d   define new echo switch map 
     -D   delete all ownership information from system files 
     -e   evaluate lisp expression(s) 
     -E   convert ASCII to Navajo 
     -f   read input from file 
     -F   transliterate to french 
     -g   generate pseudo-revolutionary marxist catch-phrases 
     -G   prepend GNU manifesto 
     -h   halt system (reboot suppressed on Suns, Apollos, and 
          VAXen, not supported on NOS-2) 
     -i   emulate IBM OS/VU (recursive universes not supported) 
     -I   emulate IBM VTOS 3.7.6 (chronosynclastic infundibulae 
          supported with restrictions documented in IBM VTOS 

Printed 10/28/85         18 January 1983                        1 

GNUecho(1)         UNIX Programmer's Manual            GNUecho(1) 

          Reference Manual rev 3.2.6) 

     -J   generate junk mail 
     -j   justify text (see -b option) 
     -k   output "echo" software tools 
     -K   delete privileged accounts 
     -l   generate legalese equivalent 
     -L   load echo modules 
     -M   generate mail 
     -N   send output to all reachable networks (usable with -J, 
          -K, -h options) 
     -n   do not add newline to the output 
     -o   generate obscene text 
     -O   clean up dirty language 
     -p   decrypt and print /etc/passwd 
     -P   port echo to all reachable networks 
     -P1  oolcay itay 
     -q   query standard input for arguments 
     -r   read alternate ."echo" file on start up 
     -R   change root password to "RMS" 
     -s   suspend operating system during output (Sun and VAX BSD 
          4.2 only) 
     -S   translate to swahili 
     -T   emulate TCP/IP handler 
     -t   issue troff output 
     -u   issue unix philosophy essay 
     -v   generate reverberating echo 
     -V   print debugging information 

Printed 10/28/85         18 January 1983                        2 

GNUecho(1)          UNIX Programmer's Manual           GNUecho(1) 

     -x   decrypt DES format messages (NSA secret algorithm CX 
          3.8, not distributed outside continental US) 

     Echo is useful for producing diagnostics in shell programs 
     and for writing constant data on pipes.  To send diagnostics 
     to the standard error file, do `echo ... 1>&2'. 

AUTHOR 
     Richard M. Stallman 

Printed 10/28/85         18 January 1983

[Dec 26, 2002] Humorix/Open Source Developers Threaten To Strike

Parody of RMS negotiations skills.

"We've had a enough of this crap," said one of the 511 coders that have banded together to form the Union of Professional Software Developers Producing Amateur Half-Finished Open Source Programs. "Unless we get some satisfaction, I hope to take a nice long vacation away from my terminal -- well, at least for a few days until my Quake addiction strikes back."

Earlier today, several protestors protested in front of the Free Software Foundation in Boston, holding signs and chanting, "Hell no we won't code/Mr. Stallman, hit the road!" and "What's the matter with GNU? Everything!"

Of course, the group -- composed entirely of programmers without a single public relations flack -- had difficulty getting their message out. It wasn't until this reporter did some actual legwork (instead of merely regurgitating press releases) that it finally became clear what the hackers were threatening to strike over.

They want Richard M. Stallman to stop insisting that everybody call everybody's favorite operating system by the name "GNU/Linux".

"Here we are, slaving over hot computer terminals for hours on end, and what happens when we go to a Linux User Group meeting?" asked 'BurritoGuy', the head of the union. "RMS comes in and starts roasting us for saying Linux instead of GNU/Linux. I'm sick and tired of this insanity and I'm not going to take it any more!"

RMS has refused to budge from his position. The two camps have not attempted negotiations, which makes the chance of averting a strike.

One union member has drafted a compromise proposal in which Open Source developers would agree to use the name "GNU/Linux" once for every five uses of plain "Linux". "This acknowledges the contributions of the GNU Project without making us say a mouthful all the time," the member said.

RMS as a waiter ( From [GNU-FSF Press] Transcript of Stallman's NYU speech ) "Mmm, he's never worked at a restaurant." -- Female audience member to a friend, on Stallman's depiction of the moral purity of a waitperson's job, which involves "not having to do anything unethical."

Now I had no other special noteworthy skills, but I'm sure I could have become a waiter. [Laughter] Not at a fancy restaurant, they wouldn't hire me, [Laughter] but I could be a waiter somewhere. And many programmers, they say to me "the people who hire programmers demand this, this and this -- If I don't do those things, I'll starve." It's literally the word they use. Well, you know, as a waiter, you're not going to starve. [Laughter] So, really their in no danger. But -- and this is important, you see -- because sometimes you can justify doing something that hurts other people by saying "otherwise something worse is going to happen to me." You know, if you were really going to starve, you'd be justified in writing proprietary software. [Laughter] If somebody's pointing a gun at you, then I would say it's forgivable. [Laughter] But, I had found a way that I could survive without doing something unethical, so that excuse was not available...

They did not manage to teach him physics in Harvard, did they ?

"People said I should accept the world. Bullshit! I don't accept the world." -- RMS at his keynote address in New York Linux Bazaar.

"Don't use the English language."

Bruce Perens recommendation to RMS on how to communicate the difference between free ideas and free beer. Most languages including French, Spanish and Russian have different words for each meaning.

"Maybe it's time we take away the 'free beer' from RMS. How about 'free milk?'" -- Anonymous

Interview With BitKeeper Author Larry McVoy

Where RMS freedom ends: from Slashdot comments on

What about FSF machines' BIOS & firmware? (Score:4, Insightful) by dstone on Tuesday May 28, @12:01PM (#3595384) (User #191334 Info | http://www.redmeat.c...001-01-30/index.html)

In reference to the FSF, RMS says: We have no non-free systems or applications on them now, and our principles say we must keep it that way. So is this to say that their motherboard BIOS and all supporting microcontroller code, EPROMs, firmware and controller code in their video cards, ethernet cards, etc. all comes with source code?! Impressive. Where do they shop?

Re:What about FSF machines' BIOS & firmware? (Score:1) by tonyt on Tuesday May 28, @03:27PM (#3596985) (User #115436 Info | http://voltron.emptyrhetoric.com/)

note how they call themselves the FSF, not the FHF. think about it.

The GPL is not Compatible with itself Posted by Shlomi Fish on Monday April 01, @07:29AM from the love-them-or-hate-them dept.

A recent press conference of the Free Software Foundation confirmed the rumours that the GNU General Public License was found to be incompatible with itself. This newly discovered fact may actually cause a lot of disorder in the free software world in which most programs and libraries are licensed under this license.

Richard Stallman, chairman of the FSF, called upon developers to immediately exempt GPL-licensed software from the GPL, as far as linking them with GPL programs is concerned. "We have already made sure all GNU software and every other software that is licensed to the Free Software Foundation would be ad-hoc compatible with itself. However we need other developers to do the same for their software", Stallman said.

Eben Moglen, the FSF's attorney outlined the subsequent steps that his organization will take to overcome this crisis. The first step would be releasing a Modified General Public License (or MGPL for short) that will be compatible with the GPL and with itself as well as with all other licenses that the GPL is already compatible with. It will be labeled the GPL version 2.1, thus allowing developers to convert their software to it. He noted that care would be taken to make sure the upcoming GPL version 3.0 will be compatible with itself, as well as the MGPL.

For the time being, though, there is an explosion of commentary, confusion and otherwise bad temper about the newly formed situation. Eric S. Raymond, the famous Open Source Guru notes: "This is one of the greatest blows to the Open Source world, I have yet encountered. I have already exempted all of my own software from the GPL in this regard, but there is a lot of other software out there, and many of its authors are not very communicative.

Bill Gates, Microsoft's co-founder, on the other hand, seems to find the situation very amusing: "I said times and again, that viral licenses such as the GPL are a bad idea, and many open-source advocates disagreed. Now they see that even making sure one's license is compatible with itself, is hard to do when you open that can of worms."

The integrity of many software projects whose license is the GPL and yet contain works licensed by several developers is in jeopardy. The Linux kernel is a prominent example of such a case. In a post to its mailing list, Linus Torvalds commented that, in their case, it was not an issue. "My interpretation of the GPL is already quite unusual, so I'll simply rule that I also interpret the GPL as compatible with itself."

FSF Reaches Goal, Shuts Down

April 1, 2002 Boston, Massachusetts. After 18 years of striving, FSF finally reached its long-stated goal to create free computer environment and Monday April 1, 2002 promptly ceased operations. "We achieved all our goals," founder Richard Stallman (RMS) said. "Back when I started GNU project and FSF, I vowed that I would not rest until we create a completely free Unix-like programming environment. Well, today such an environment is here. Thank you for your support of the GNU project. Bye."

When he launched the GNU project and FSF in 1983, RMS drew up a list of long-term goals. These included writing free C compiler, Free Unix-like operating system and free Emacs editor. "There were a lot of goals I wanted to accomplish, but those three were probably the biggest," said RMS, clearing out his office at MIT and packing things to be moved into his new expensive house in Florida. "Done, done, and done." Now I can play golf, drink beer and enjoy the company of beautiful women.

Eric Raymond a famous open source evangelist said that RMS made the right decision to shut down FSF after getting 800 million prize from Japanese Midory foundation; The fact that Linus Torvalds resolved his long-standing problem with Linux scheduler also played a role in this decision. "I was at it the same conference room with Linus, discussing the future of the Linux kernel development, when we were informed about this RMS's decision" Eric Raymond said. "You should have seen the smile on Linus face."

Computer songs and poems The First GNU

The first GNU that Stallman did give Was to certain poor users at screens where they lived At screen where they lived, wrecking code and text For the syntax of TECO did leave them perplexed