May the source be with you, but remember the KISS principle ;-)
Home Switchboard Unix Administration Red Hat TCP/IP Networks Neoliberalism Toxic Managers
(slightly skeptical) Educational society promoting "Back to basics" movement against IT overcomplexity and  bastardization of classic Unix


Computer Humor Collection Manifest of the Softpanorama IT Slacker Society Ten Commandments of the IT Slackers Society Classic Computer Humor "Linux Sucks" Humor Collection Best Russian Programmer Humor Top 10 Classic Unix Humor Stories
ARE YOU A BBS ADDICT? Object oriented programmers of all nations -- encapsulate BSD Logo Story The Cuckoo's Egg The Evolution of a Programmer, from High School to CEO The Perl Purity Test THE TOP 25 THINGS PROGRAMMERS SAY

Softpanorama 1993, vol. 5, No. 9

Softpanorama 1993, Vol.5 No.9 (49) *** HUMOR ***  Compiled by N. Bezrukov


1. Do you own a modem? (if the answer is NO, STOP! read no further. Anyone who would use a borrowed modem to access a BBS may one day be a BBS addict, but is not one at this time.)

2. Is your modem 1200 baud or higher? (c'mon now, another obvious question, but one that has to be asked...we have to weed out the fakes here.)

3. No matter what baud modem you own, (even 9600) do you wish you had one that was faster?

4. Have you used your modem in the past week?

5. In the past 24 hours?

6. In the past 30 minutes?

7. Do you regularly call more than 5 BBSs.

8. More than 10?

9. Have you filled up your entire dialing directory and call them ALL?

10. Are your phone bills regularly over $100 a month?

11. Over $300?

12. Over $500?

13. Is there any other monthly bill that you pay higher than your phone bill?

14. Is your phone bill so large it gets delivered by UPS?

15. Do you tell yourself after receiving a phone bill that you will cut back on your long distance BBSing, and end up subscribing to Dial-a Visit instead?

16. Do you leave long tearful announcements on LD BBSs telling everyone that you will no longer be calling because you cannot afford to, and then check back every 3 or 4 days anyway, "just to see if anyone left me any mail?"

17. Does your phone company send you hand written thank-you notes?

18. When you return from vacation, do you get a call from your phone company, asking if everything is all right?

19. Do you find yourself taking naps so that you can be awake and refreshed for a late-night BBS session?

20. Have you ever cancelled a date cause he/she wants a late night dinner when the phone rates are lowest?

21. Do you call during the morning hours, knowing the rates are the highest with the excuse that "at least I will be able to get on?"

22. Is your spouse ready to oil the keyboard to get rid of that annoying late night 'clickety clack' ?

23. Do you ever sleep for more than 2 hours at a stretch?

24. Have you suddenly discovered that you can touch type from all those BBS sessions done in the dark?

25. What else can you do in the dark?

26. Do you cringe when you see lightning coming your way and rush to unplug your modem from the wall?

27. Do you continue your BBS session anyway because you are in the middle of a 1200 block download at 1200 buad...and you are willing to take your chances?

28. Do you own a back-up generator so you can run your computer even when the power company can't?

29. Do you have a complicated set of air motion devices hanging all around your computer and modem, because you never turn them off?

30. Have you ever logged on to a BBS, and then realize that you have no idea what city, state, or country it is in?

31. Can you log onto a BBS, Browse, and log off without ever having to turn the monitor on?

32. Can your spouse spot you in a crowd from the back of your head?

33. Is there a worn spot in the rug in front of the computer?

34. Are the words ON LINE burnt into the screen?

35. Do you know your modem initialization string by heart.

36. Do you consider your self a militant non techie, yet you still know enough to be able to change the string to make the computer run silently?

37. Do you know more about what is going on in the lives of the people in the BBS community than you do about the people you live with?

38. Do you order disks in lots of 100 or more?

39. Have you recently bought a hard drive cause you are tired of messing with floppy disks all the time?

40. ...And then discovered that the hard drive you just bought is not going to be big enough for your library of files, and you are going to have to use diskettes anyway?

41. Does your hard drive contain more files than any of the BBSs you call?

42. Do you actually use any of those files?

43. Do you compete with others to be the #1 user on every BBS you call?

44. Have you had to install yet another phone line into your house, because no one can reach you cause the phone is busy all the time?

45. Have you ever put a BBS on redial, and patiently waited hours to get on?

46. ...And suddenly be struck with an URGENT need to use the bathroom just as the words CONNECT appear on the screen?

47. Do you make it a point to call a sysop whose BBS is down, even if it is 4:00 in the morning?

48. Do you have 9 zillion copies of your terminal program...just in case one of them crashes?

49. Do you page sysops into chat, even though you see the message 'sysop is not available' again and again, just because you think that maybe he will make an exception for you?

50. Do sysops hate you and wish lightning would fry your modem?

51. Do you run over to your computer the instant you wake up in the morning, to see what is going on in BBSland...before you've even taken a piss?

52. Are you late for work/school in the morning because you insist on answering all 235 net mail messages you've received...all consisting of one word replies?

53. Have you forgotten how to turn on your TV because its been so long since you have watched any?

54. Do you still own a TV?

55. Have you ever found yourself talking on the phone at the same time you are in chat with another person on the computer.

56. ...With the same person?

57. Are you a sysop? (the ultimate BBS addict)

58. As a sysop, have you had to go out and buy another computer because otherwise no one would be able to reach your BBS anyway?

59. Do you ever call your own BBS?

60. Do you call your own BBS from another computer while sitting in the same house?

61. ...From the same room?

62. Do you advertise your BBS in the local paper's classified section?

63. Do you advertise your BBS on business cards?

64. Are you a co-sysop on any other BBS?

65. ..On any out of state boards?

66. Have you been a sysop for more than 6 months

67. More than a year?

68. More than 3 years?

69. As a sysop, do you enjoy chatting so much that you have been known to answer the page at 3 am?

70. Do you drag unsuspecting users into chat...whether they paged you or not?

71. Have you ever started a late night chat with a user, and the next thing you know, the sun is rising?

72. Variation: Have you ever started a late night chat with a user, and the next thing you know you are face down on the keyboard, with the words "press any key to continue" flashing on your screen.

73. Do you upload copies of a log-on scrip file to all the area boards so that no one will have an excuse NOT to call your BBS?

74. Do you promise your spouse that you WILL spend more time with the family, but then find yourself jumping up to answer the sysop page, even in the middle of that special video tape rented just for the two of you?

75. Do you still have a spouse?

76. After reading through all these questions, do you get the feeling that you might have a little BBS addiction problem?

77. In spite of that knowledge, do you realize you will never get to any of the modems anonymous meetings, cause you can't pull yourself away from the computer long enough to attend?

78. Do you find that more and more of the people you socialize with are BBS addicts just like you, cause no one else seems to understand ANYTHING you are talking about lately?


Well there you have it....and contrary to the rumors currently circulating, I did NOT receive a perfect score on this test! Jean

Written Sept. 1989 with a little help from my friends...thanks guys!

Call THE FRENCH CONNECTION  914-344-1255  24 hours 1200 baud
Sysop: Jean Beit-Halahmi
did not receive a score of 78 on this test!



Groupthink : Two Party System as Polyarchy : Corruption of Regulators : Bureaucracies : Understanding Micromanagers and Control Freaks : Toxic Managers :   Harvard Mafia : Diplomatic Communication : Surviving a Bad Performance Review : Insufficient Retirement Funds as Immanent Problem of Neoliberal Regime : PseudoScience : Who Rules America : Neoliberalism  : The Iron Law of Oligarchy : Libertarian Philosophy


War and Peace : Skeptical Finance : John Kenneth Galbraith :Talleyrand : Oscar Wilde : Otto Von Bismarck : Keynes : George Carlin : Skeptics : Propaganda  : SE quotes : Language Design and Programming Quotes : Random IT-related quotesSomerset Maugham : Marcus Aurelius : Kurt Vonnegut : Eric Hoffer : Winston Churchill : Napoleon Bonaparte : Ambrose BierceBernard Shaw : Mark Twain Quotes


Vol 25, No.12 (December, 2013) Rational Fools vs. Efficient Crooks The efficient markets hypothesis : Political Skeptic Bulletin, 2013 : Unemployment Bulletin, 2010 :  Vol 23, No.10 (October, 2011) An observation about corporate security departments : Slightly Skeptical Euromaydan Chronicles, June 2014 : Greenspan legacy bulletin, 2008 : Vol 25, No.10 (October, 2013) Cryptolocker Trojan (Win32/Crilock.A) : Vol 25, No.08 (August, 2013) Cloud providers as intelligence collection hubs : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2010 : Inequality Bulletin, 2009 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2008 : Copyleft Problems Bulletin, 2004 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2011 : Energy Bulletin, 2010 : Malware Protection Bulletin, 2010 : Vol 26, No.1 (January, 2013) Object-Oriented Cult : Political Skeptic Bulletin, 2011 : Vol 23, No.11 (November, 2011) Softpanorama classification of sysadmin horror stories : Vol 25, No.05 (May, 2013) Corporate bullshit as a communication method  : Vol 25, No.06 (June, 2013) A Note on the Relationship of Brooks Law and Conway Law


Fifty glorious years (1950-2000): the triumph of the US computer engineering : Donald Knuth : TAoCP and its Influence of Computer Science : Richard Stallman : Linus Torvalds  : Larry Wall  : John K. Ousterhout : CTSS : Multix OS Unix History : Unix shell history : VI editor : History of pipes concept : Solaris : MS DOSProgramming Languages History : PL/1 : Simula 67 : C : History of GCC developmentScripting Languages : Perl history   : OS History : Mail : DNS : SSH : CPU Instruction Sets : SPARC systems 1987-2006 : Norton Commander : Norton Utilities : Norton Ghost : Frontpage history : Malware Defense History : GNU Screen : OSS early history

Classic books:

The Peter Principle : Parkinson Law : 1984 : The Mythical Man-MonthHow to Solve It by George Polya : The Art of Computer Programming : The Elements of Programming Style : The Unix Haterís Handbook : The Jargon file : The True Believer : Programming Pearls : The Good Soldier Svejk : The Power Elite

Most popular humor pages:

Manifest of the Softpanorama IT Slacker Society : Ten Commandments of the IT Slackers Society : Computer Humor Collection : BSD Logo Story : The Cuckoo's Egg : IT Slang : C++ Humor : ARE YOU A BBS ADDICT? : The Perl Purity Test : Object oriented programmers of all nations : Financial Humor : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2008 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2010 : The Most Comprehensive Collection of Editor-related Humor : Programming Language Humor : Goldman Sachs related humor : Greenspan humor : C Humor : Scripting Humor : Real Programmers Humor : Web Humor : GPL-related Humor : OFM Humor : Politically Incorrect Humor : IDS Humor : "Linux Sucks" Humor : Russian Musical Humor : Best Russian Programmer Humor : Microsoft plans to buy Catholic Church : Richard Stallman Related Humor : Admin Humor : Perl-related Humor : Linus Torvalds Related humor : PseudoScience Related Humor : Networking Humor : Shell Humor : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2011 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2012 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2013 : Java Humor : Software Engineering Humor : Sun Solaris Related Humor : Education Humor : IBM Humor : Assembler-related Humor : VIM Humor : Computer Viruses Humor : Bright tomorrow is rescheduled to a day after tomorrow : Classic Computer Humor

The Last but not Least Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage and those who manage what they do not understand ~Archibald Putt. Ph.D

Copyright © 1996-2021 by Softpanorama Society. was initially created as a service to the (now defunct) UN Sustainable Development Networking Programme (SDNP) without any remuneration. This document is an industrial compilation designed and created exclusively for educational use and is distributed under the Softpanorama Content License. Original materials copyright belong to respective owners. Quotes are made for educational purposes only in compliance with the fair use doctrine.

FAIR USE NOTICE This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available to advance understanding of computer science, IT technology, economic, scientific, and social issues. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided by section 107 of the US Copyright Law according to which such material can be distributed without profit exclusively for research and educational purposes.

This is a Spartan WHYFF (We Help You For Free) site written by people for whom English is not a native language. Grammar and spelling errors should be expected. The site contain some broken links as it develops like a living tree...

You can use PayPal to to buy a cup of coffee for authors of this site


The statements, views and opinions presented on this web page are those of the author (or referenced source) and are not endorsed by, nor do they necessarily reflect, the opinions of the Softpanorama society. We do not warrant the correctness of the information provided or its fitness for any purpose. The site uses AdSense so you need to be aware of Google privacy policy. You you do not want to be tracked by Google please disable Javascript for this site. This site is perfectly usable without Javascript.

Last modified: March 12, 2019