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Simple Questionnaire for Determination of Effects of Virus Alerts
on the Survival of the IS Organization

(version 1.0)

  1. Estimate how many e-mails that contain an information about some serious virus threat and a request to resend it to everybody in your organization or address book you receive: 
    1. More than one in a month. +15 points.
    2. One a month or so.  +10 points.
    3. One in a quarter. +7 points.
    4. One a year or so +5 point.
    5. None. (You may wish to skip quiz; probably you are in a good shape.) 0 points.
  2. I think that a viruses that activate immediately after arrival to a user mailbox without any action from the user are: 
    1. Really dangerous and destructive. I know a person who was struck by such a virus. I feel that it's my duty to warn all people ASAP. +15 points
    2. I suspect that that they may be dangerous and destructive,  but I do not know for sure and usually immediately resent such e-mail to warn as many people as possible, just in case  +10 points
    3. I don't know. When I get a message, I pass it on to my LAN administrator and helpdesk. +5 points.
    4. Usually this is relevant only for Outlook users, I use other mailer and I delete such e-mails immediately 0 points.
  3. Imagine that a warning about an incurable computer virus that physically destroys computers was sent to the company distribution list. What is the most plausible reaction of your IS department: 
    1. They shutdown network and IS management assigns a group of specialists with  little or no relevant training to "research" the threat.  +10 points
    2. They forgot to shutdown network but IS management still manage to assign one clueless but enthusiastic about viruses person to "research" the threat. Then nothing happens, anyway. +7 points
    3. Management convenes the meeting of incompetent persons. Meeting recommends something irrelevant to the problem and some vague/fuzzy message about virus threat are sent to all employees.  After that nothing happens +7 points
    4. In addition to "c" memo is sent to LAN administrators to upgrade or install new server-vbased AV software.  In the confusion, or due to bugs in the antivirus software some servers fall down. This convinces everyone that the threat is real. +5 points
    5. Nothing happens. The helpdesk staff does not know whom to ask or where to look. +5 points
    6. In each case E-mail is sent from the helpdesk to some knowledgeable person to determine if this is true or not (independently of whether the warning was distributed previously or not) +3 points
    7. Nothing happens because everyone already knows about typical hoaxes and a lot of people including helpdesk analysts and LAN administrators have a bookmark for the relevant information on the Internet. 0 points
  4. A typical LAN administrator in my company:
    1. Has no clue about viruses and believes in each and every story published in PC Week. He often resend this stories to colleagues and upper management to demonstrate his vigilance.  10 points
    2. Viruses are often used as a scapegoat for the problems that semi-competent LAN administrators are unable to solve or problems caused by reckless behavior of LAN administrators that accidentally wiped out some important information. 7 points
    3. Is afraid to install new versions of AV software because previous caused problems on user computers.  +5 points
    4. LAN administrator can detect a typical hoax but has difficulties distinguishing between real inf4ection and false positives. A horror story about multimillion damage due to viruses are widely believed.   +3 points
    5. They know their staff and can fight new viruses using available Internet information and common sense 0 points
  5. After receiving the typical hoax a typical LAN administrator in my company:
    1. Immediately issue the warning to all users and shutdown the server +15 points
    2. Immediately issue the warning to all users and send additional memo to all his/her  friends and relatives.  He is too excites to shut down the server  +10 points
    3. Send a letter to the helpdesk about the warning because he cannot check its validity via Internet +7 points
    4. Not only he cannot check validity of such letter on Internet, but also cannot troubleshoot typical desktop problems and often attribute them to the viruses +5points
    5. Do not care (just has bookmarks to weather channel and baseball or basketball sites) +3 points.
  6. In my company, with regard to computer security in general and hoaxes in particular I believe IS management is:
    1. Totally incompetent and ignore the problems +15 points
    2. Cannot distinguish facts from opinions and never listens to anyone but sycophants who are totally incompetent and exaggerate the problem to raise their status. +10 points
    3. Incompetent but open to suggestions from competent specialists or outside information. +7 points
    4. Just security manager is incompetent +5 points
    5. Competent and tries to hire competent staff. 0 points




Groupthink : Two Party System as Polyarchy : Corruption of Regulators : Bureaucracies : Understanding Micromanagers and Control Freaks : Toxic Managers :   Harvard Mafia : Diplomatic Communication : Surviving a Bad Performance Review : Insufficient Retirement Funds as Immanent Problem of Neoliberal Regime : PseudoScience : Who Rules America : Neoliberalism  : The Iron Law of Oligarchy : Libertarian Philosophy


War and Peace : Skeptical Finance : John Kenneth Galbraith :Talleyrand : Oscar Wilde : Otto Von Bismarck : Keynes : George Carlin : Skeptics : Propaganda  : SE quotes : Language Design and Programming Quotes : Random IT-related quotesSomerset Maugham : Marcus Aurelius : Kurt Vonnegut : Eric Hoffer : Winston Churchill : Napoleon Bonaparte : Ambrose BierceBernard Shaw : Mark Twain Quotes


Vol 25, No.12 (December, 2013) Rational Fools vs. Efficient Crooks The efficient markets hypothesis : Political Skeptic Bulletin, 2013 : Unemployment Bulletin, 2010 :  Vol 23, No.10 (October, 2011) An observation about corporate security departments : Slightly Skeptical Euromaydan Chronicles, June 2014 : Greenspan legacy bulletin, 2008 : Vol 25, No.10 (October, 2013) Cryptolocker Trojan (Win32/Crilock.A) : Vol 25, No.08 (August, 2013) Cloud providers as intelligence collection hubs : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2010 : Inequality Bulletin, 2009 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2008 : Copyleft Problems Bulletin, 2004 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2011 : Energy Bulletin, 2010 : Malware Protection Bulletin, 2010 : Vol 26, No.1 (January, 2013) Object-Oriented Cult : Political Skeptic Bulletin, 2011 : Vol 23, No.11 (November, 2011) Softpanorama classification of sysadmin horror stories : Vol 25, No.05 (May, 2013) Corporate bullshit as a communication method  : Vol 25, No.06 (June, 2013) A Note on the Relationship of Brooks Law and Conway Law


Fifty glorious years (1950-2000): the triumph of the US computer engineering : Donald Knuth : TAoCP and its Influence of Computer Science : Richard Stallman : Linus Torvalds  : Larry Wall  : John K. Ousterhout : CTSS : Multix OS Unix History : Unix shell history : VI editor : History of pipes concept : Solaris : MS DOSProgramming Languages History : PL/1 : Simula 67 : C : History of GCC developmentScripting Languages : Perl history   : OS History : Mail : DNS : SSH : CPU Instruction Sets : SPARC systems 1987-2006 : Norton Commander : Norton Utilities : Norton Ghost : Frontpage history : Malware Defense History : GNU Screen : OSS early history

Classic books:

The Peter Principle : Parkinson Law : 1984 : The Mythical Man-MonthHow to Solve It by George Polya : The Art of Computer Programming : The Elements of Programming Style : The Unix Haterís Handbook : The Jargon file : The True Believer : Programming Pearls : The Good Soldier Svejk : The Power Elite

Most popular humor pages:

Manifest of the Softpanorama IT Slacker Society : Ten Commandments of the IT Slackers Society : Computer Humor Collection : BSD Logo Story : The Cuckoo's Egg : IT Slang : C++ Humor : ARE YOU A BBS ADDICT? : The Perl Purity Test : Object oriented programmers of all nations : Financial Humor : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2008 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2010 : The Most Comprehensive Collection of Editor-related Humor : Programming Language Humor : Goldman Sachs related humor : Greenspan humor : C Humor : Scripting Humor : Real Programmers Humor : Web Humor : GPL-related Humor : OFM Humor : Politically Incorrect Humor : IDS Humor : "Linux Sucks" Humor : Russian Musical Humor : Best Russian Programmer Humor : Microsoft plans to buy Catholic Church : Richard Stallman Related Humor : Admin Humor : Perl-related Humor : Linus Torvalds Related humor : PseudoScience Related Humor : Networking Humor : Shell Humor : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2011 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2012 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2013 : Java Humor : Software Engineering Humor : Sun Solaris Related Humor : Education Humor : IBM Humor : Assembler-related Humor : VIM Humor : Computer Viruses Humor : Bright tomorrow is rescheduled to a day after tomorrow : Classic Computer Humor

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Last modified: March 12, 2019