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DNS Commandments

From: [email protected]
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: The Holy DNS Commandments
Date: 22 Aug 1995 06:13:04 GMT
And behold, there were great thunder and lightnings, and the mighty prophet Gehofrey came down from the temple of Munnari and told Children of AU that the Lord God Kre had vouchedsafe unto them these Holy Commandments, graven upon stone tablets:-
  1. Thou SHALT NOT send DNS information to the Lord God Kre's personal mailbox, lest the Wrath of the Lord Kre be kindled and wax hot against thee.
  2. Thou shalt format thy request in a mysterious format known unto none save the holiest priesthood of the order of DNS, that thy days may be long in the domain that the Lord Kre hath given thee.
  3. If thy requests be incorrectly seconded or ill formatted, thou shalt NOT be added to the root AU domain but shalt be forever cast out of the named boot into the outer darkness where there is great weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth.
  4. Thine entries must be DNS walkable, or naught shall be delegated.
  5. Thou shalt wait in vain for a reply. Ever.
  6. If the Lord deigneth to reply at all, it is because thou art incredibly stupid, dullwitted, blind and slow of understanding, and comprehendeth not such simple DNS concepts; therefore shall He quote thee large inscriptions of the Holy DNS Bible, so that thy mailbox runneth over.
  7. If not large inscriptions of the Holy DNS Bible, then large inscriptions of the sacred RFC tomes.
  8. Thou shalt not complain about the Lord's ineffable doings or Commandments in news; "My Ways are not your ways, neither are My Thoughts your thoughts" saith the Lord Kre, and He shall pour out the vials of His scorn upon thine head from on High in the sight of all the multitudes.
Date: Wed, 01 Mar 2000 13:27:13 -0800
From: George Tereshko 
Organization: Genesys
To: [email protected]

THANKS TO SISTER MARGARET -- the principal of Saint Mary's Catholic grammar school where I was interned ... er, I mean educated -- I've worked out a solution to our current domain name conundrum.

There's one heck of a domain naming crisis brewing, because all the good domains ending in .com or .net are already taken. When the best minds of the Internet generation are coming up with "," you know there's a problem. But I've seen the light: The time has come for new TLDs (top-level domains). And, thanks to Sister Margaret's tireless devotion -- and her wooden ruler -- I have a notion or two about how to revise the domain naming system.


I still find it awe-inspiring that anyone, anywhere on the globe, can instantly access vital information on how snuggly-wuggly your cat, Mr. Whiskers, is. The dot-vnty TLD is for all Web shrines devoted to feline companions and similar weighty matters. For everyone who's determined to share with the entire world -- in badly edited prose and lots of full-color pictures -- their love of cats, cars, and significant others, we have the dot-vnty TLD.


The dot-gltn TLD celebrates rampant consumerism in all its excessive forms. Isn't the Web about more than just communication? Such as the ability to buy -- anytime, day or night -- a genuine silver inlaid Franklin Mint "Wizard of Oz" chess set. The dot-gltn domain lets the platinum card holders of the world unite in kinship, as they spend $80 on shirts made in a Malaysian factory for 95 cents.


How does an investor separate the as-good-as-roadkill Internet companies from the those that are an IPO away from billions of dollars? With the dot-grd TLD, of course. Aspiring Internet companies need look no further -- a dot-grd TLD assures you of a billion-dollar valuation. Niceties such as a business plan or even a way to actually make money can come later. What corporation wouldn't feel proud to be dot-grd? Dot-grd is good. Dot-grd works.


Have ruthless cybersquatters registered your company's name? Why should your company be penalized just because no one in your globe-spanning multinational corporation could be bothered to spend 70 bucks and ten minutes registering ""? Those cybersquatters will be left with, well, squat, when you dot-slth yourself.


The Internet is the most potent communication medium yet devised by humankind, holding forth the tantalizing possibility of true communication and understanding among all people. But that's not what the dot-wrth TLD is about. The dot-wrth TLD is for those sites devoted to the fine and subtle art of interpersonal critical dialogue, more commonly known as "flaming someone hairless." Get in line now, because Linux.wrth and Microsoft.wrth should be snapped up in about, oh, six nanoseconds.


Just because you didn't think of it first or happen to be the trademark owner for some particular word, should you be left out of the Internet revolution? The dot-envy TLD is for every bold dreamer who has ever thought, "Hey, I might be able to make a business out of people misspelling 'Yahoo'."


Because Sister Margaret could be reading this, I'll simply say that Naughty Nanette and her bouncy friends will be right at home with this domain. Not that I'd know anything about it, Sister. Honest.

I think after considering my suggestions, you'll see the elegance of my naming system. And if you don't -- well, Sister Margaret still has her ruler.

Sean M. Dugan expects to catch heck for this one. Send mail to [email protected]



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