ONE HECK OF A GOOD IDEA: SEVEN NEW DOMAINS TO FIX THE DOMAIN NAME CRISIS
THANKS TO SISTER MARGARET -- the principal of Saint Mary's Catholic
grammar school where I was interned ... er, I mean educated -- I've worked
out a solution to our current domain name conundrum.
There's one heck of a domain naming crisis brewing, because all the good
domains ending in .com or .net are already taken. When the best minds of the
Internet generation are coming up with "Quokka.com," you know there's a
problem. But I've seen the light: The time has come for new TLDs (top-level
domains). And, thanks to Sister Margaret's tireless devotion -- and her
wooden ruler -- I have a notion or two about how to revise the domain naming
system.
dot-vnty
I still find it awe-inspiring that anyone, anywhere on the globe, can
instantly access vital information on how snuggly-wuggly your cat, Mr.
Whiskers, is. The dot-vnty TLD is for all Web shrines devoted to feline
companions and similar weighty matters. For everyone who's determined to
share with the entire world -- in badly edited prose and lots of full-color
pictures -- their love of cats, cars, and significant others, we have the
dot-vnty TLD.
dot-gltn
The dot-gltn TLD celebrates rampant consumerism in all its excessive
forms. Isn't the Web about more than just communication? Such as the ability
to buy -- anytime, day or night -- a genuine silver inlaid Franklin Mint
"Wizard of Oz" chess set. The dot-gltn domain lets the platinum card holders
of the world unite in kinship, as they spend $80 on shirts made in a
Malaysian factory for 95 cents.
dot-grd
How does an investor separate the as-good-as-roadkill Internet companies
from the those that are an IPO away from billions of dollars? With the
dot-grd TLD, of course. Aspiring Internet companies need look no further --
a dot-grd TLD assures you of a billion-dollar valuation. Niceties such as a
business plan or even a way to actually make money can come later. What
corporation wouldn't feel proud to be dot-grd? Dot-grd is good. Dot-grd
works.
dot-slth
Have ruthless cybersquatters registered your company's name? Why should
your company be penalized just because no one in your globe-spanning
multinational corporation could be bothered to spend 70 bucks and ten
minutes registering "lumbering-corp.com"? Those cybersquatters will be left
with, well, squat, when you dot-slth yourself.
dot-wrth
The Internet is the most potent communication medium yet devised by
humankind, holding forth the tantalizing possibility of true communication
and understanding among all people. But that's not what the dot-wrth TLD is
about. The dot-wrth TLD is for those sites devoted to the fine and subtle
art of interpersonal critical dialogue, more commonly known as "flaming
someone hairless." Get in line now, because Linux.wrth and Microsoft.wrth
should be snapped up in about, oh, six nanoseconds.
dot-envy
Just because you didn't think of it first or happen to be the trademark
owner for some particular word, should you be left out of the Internet
revolution? The dot-envy TLD is for every bold dreamer who has ever thought,
"Hey, I might be able to make a business out of people misspelling 'Yahoo'."
dot-lust
Because Sister Margaret could be reading this, I'll simply say that
Naughty Nanette and her bouncy friends will be right at home with this
domain. Not that I'd know anything about it, Sister. Honest.
I think after considering my suggestions, you'll see the elegance of my
naming system. And if you don't -- well, Sister Margaret still has her
ruler.
Sean M. Dugan expects to catch heck for this one. Send mail to
[email protected]
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