Here's 10 ways to spot a *real* Russian Spy in America:
1) Superior use of the English language, with a thick accent, failure to use articles such as
'the' and 'a' – such as 'take shower' instead of 'going to take a shower.' Russian Language
is far more complex but more logical and efficient in use of letters, speech, and writing.
Russian natives who master English typically have a large vocabulary, and will use proper tenses
and complex grammatical structures because they studied it, and will likely leave out slang such
as 'you know' and 'like.' (Until of course, they live here for 10 years)
2) Never smiling. Russians do not smile unless they are laughing at a joke, and maybe in
some rare cases when something funny happens. Even in this case, their dark sense of humor
is something they enjoy on the inside. It's not polite to walk around Moscow smiling.
If you do, someone may call the police (as if you have gone mad).
3) Seems to be rude – never says 'please' or 'thank you' – Russians do not have a concept of why
you should say 'thank you' to a stranger who just took $50 from you for your groceries. How
has this person really helped you or brightened your day? Isn't it their job? Should
you say 'thank you for doing your job' as if it's a miracle?
4) Does not wear shoes in his home, he has a foyer where when he enters his house takes off all
coats, scarves, hats, shoes and other 'outdoor' wear and puts on fuzzy house slippers or just wears
5) Constantly pays with physical cash. Although some Americans do this anyway who are not
necessarily Russian – nearly ALL Russians use 100% physical Rubles for everything from paying rent,
health insurance, doctors visits, buying a car, buying groceries, or investing. The electronic
economy hasn't taken hold in Russia – and partly because they are 'paranoid' that if they put their
money in a bank, the bank will seize it or bankrupt.
6) Never will open a door for a stranger, or move out of the way if you are in his walking vector,
in fact he may knock over any passersby like bowling pins if they are in the way; and certainly will
never say 'excuse me.'
7) Always well dressed, even to go grocery shopping – maybe keeps a pocket comb even if his hair
is only 2 cm long. Russians don't have a concept of wearing sweat suits or pajamas to the grocery
store. When they go out even if just to run to the corner store for a milk.
8) Wary to use air conditioner. In Russia very few buildings have A/C – in the summer months
when it's hot, it is still cool at night, when most open windows and enjoy a nice breeze. Modern
buildings of course have the conveniences of A/C but those who are older or who grew up in older
buildings do not have A/C – only heat. Therefore, they aren't used to cranking up the A/C year
round like the blue hairs in Sunny Florida. If they are hot they are more likely to take a
walk or open the windows.
9) Not likely to find Russians in paid public events unless they are formal. Russia has
a well-developed public system of parks and other free public use systems and they aren't used to
paying a few dollars to enter a public park, see Christmas lights, or $1 to view through binoculars
along side the highway. Paying $250 for theater tickets is different – they aren't cheap people,
they are just not used to being nickeled and dimed when outside their homes, because in Russia it's
10) Strange tippers. In Russia they don't use the 'tipping' system, if you eat in a café
or bar you may leave your spare change for example, if the bill is $9.50 you may leave the additional
$.50 – or if you have a few extra dollars you may leave it – or not. The majority of cafes,
restaurants, bars, and other establishments only expect tips from tourists. And if a Russian
does leave a tip, it's likely to be very small (not 10%!!).
There you have it! There are many cultural differences between USA and Russia, although
there are too many similarities. In this series of articles, we're spreading the facts about
Russia – the great unknown Bear.
"... What we ordinary folk think of as "American" interests are those interests as expressed by an entrenched foreign policy establishment to which the price of admission isn't only graduate studies in an expensive university. No, you have to walk within the lines. There's nothing as old under the sun as "group-think". ..."
"... he served a purpose when he diverged from long established consensus and said that maybe, just maybe, getting on with the Russians might not be that hard. Or that NATO is an out-dated, dead-weight non-alliance of the unwilling. Or that border-less trade ruined heartland America. ..."
The way things are supposed to work on this planet is like this: in the United States, the power
structures (public and private) decide what they want the rest of the world to do. They communicate
their wishes through official and unofficial channels, expecting automatic cooperation. If cooperation
is not immediately forthcoming, they apply political, financial and economic pressure. If that still
doesn't produce the intended effect, they attempt regime change through a color revolution or a military
coup, or organize and finance an insurgency leading to terrorist attacks and civil war in the recalcitrant
nation. If that still doesn't work, they bomb the country back to the stone age. This is the way
it worked in the 1990s and the 2000s, but as of late a new dynamic has emerged.
In the beginning it was centered on Russia, but the phenomenon has since spread around the world
and is about to engulf the United States itself. It works like this: the United States decides what
it wants Russia to do and communicates its wishes, expecting automatic cooperation. Russia says "Nyet."
The United States then runs through all of the above steps up to but not including the bombing campaign,
from which it is deterred by Russia's nuclear deterrent. The answer remains "Nyet." One could perhaps
imagine that some smart person within the US power structure would pipe up and say: "Based on the
evidence before us, dictating our terms to Russia doesn't work; let's try negotiating with Russia
in good faith as equals." And then everybody else would slap their heads and say, "Wow! That's brilliant!
Why didn't we think of that?" But instead that person would be fired that very same day because,
you see, American global hegemony is nonnegotiable. And so what happens instead is that the Americans
act baffled, regroup and try again, making for quite an amusing spectacle.
The whole Edward Snowden imbroglio was particularly fun to watch. The US demanded his extradition.
The Russians said: "Nyet, our constitution forbids it." And then, hilariously, some voices in the
West demanded in response that Russia change its constitution! The response, requiring no translation,
was "Xa-xa-xa-xa-xa!" Less funny is the impasse over Syria: the Americans have been continuously
demanding that Russia go along with their plan to overthrow Bashar Assad. The unchanging Russian
response has been: "Nyet, the Syrians get to decide on their leadership, not Russia, and not the
US." Each time they hear it, the Americans scratch their heads and try again. John Kerry was just
recently in Moscow, holding a marathon "negotiating session" with Putin and Lavrov. Above is a photo
of Kerry talking to Putin and Lavrov in Moscow a week or so ago and their facial expressions are
hard to misread. There's Kerry, with his back to the camera, babbling away as per usual. Lavrov's
face says: "I can't believe I have to sit here and listen to this nonsense again." Putin's face says:
"Oh the poor idiot, he can't bring himself to understand that we're just going to say 'nyet' again."
Kerry flew home with yet another "nyet."
What's worse, other countries are now getting into the act. The Americans told the Brits exactly
how to vote, and yet the Brits said "nyet" and voted for Brexit. The Americans told the Europeans
to accept the horrendous corporate power grab that is the Transatlantic Trade and Investment Partnership
(TTIP), and the French said "nyet, it shall not pass." The US organized yet another military coup
in Turkey to replace Erdoǧan with somebody who won't try to play nice with Russia, and the Turks
said "nyet" to that too. And now, horror of horrors, there is Donald Trump saying "nyet" to all sorts
of things-NATO, offshoring American jobs, letting in a flood of migrants, globalization, weapons
for Ukrainian Nazis, free trade
The corrosive psychological effect of "nyet" on the American hegemonic psyche cannot be underestimated.
If you are supposed to think and act like a hegemon, but only the thinking part still works, then
the result is cognitive dissonance. If your job is to bully nations around, and the nations can no
longer be bullied, then your job becomes a joke, and you turn into a mental patient. The resulting
madness has recently produced quite an interesting symptom: some number of US State Department staffers
signed a letter, which was promptly leaked, calling for a bombing campaign against Syria in order
to overthrow Bashar Assad. These are diplomats. Diplomacy is the art of avoiding war by talking.
Diplomats who call for war are not being exactly diplomatic. You could say that they are incompetent
diplomats, but that wouldn't go far enough (most of the competent diplomats left the service during
the second Bush administration, many of them in disgust over having to lie about the rationale for
the Iraq war). The truth is, they are sick, deranged non-diplomatic warmongers. Such is the power
of this one simple Russian word that they have quite literally lost their minds.
But it would be unfair to single out the State Department. It is as if the entire American body
politic has been infected by a putrid miasma. It permeates all things and makes life miserable. In
spite of the mounting problems, most other things in the US are still somewhat manageable, but this
one thing-the draining away of the ability to bully the whole world-ruins everything. It's mid-summer,
the nation is at the beach. The beach blanket is moth-eaten and threadbare, the beach umbrella has
holes in it, the soft drinks in the cooler are laced with nasty chemicals and the summer reading
is boring and then there is a dead whale decomposing nearby, whose name is "Nyet." It just ruins
the whole ambiance!
The media chattering heads and the establishment politicos are at this point painfully aware of
this problem, and their predictable reaction is to blame it on what they perceive as its ultimate
source: Russia, conveniently personified by Putin. "If you aren't voting for Clinton, you are voting
for Putin" is one recently minted political trope. Another is that Trump is Putin's agent. Any public
figure that declines to take a pro-establishment stance is automatically labeled "Putin's useful
idiot." Taken at face value, such claims are preposterous. But there is a deeper explanation for
them: what ties them all together is the power of "nyet." A vote for Sanders is a "nyet" vote: the
Democratic establishment produced a candidate and told people to vote for her, and most of the young
people said "nyet." Same thing with Trump: the Republican establishment trotted out its Seven Dwarfs
and told people to vote for any one of them, and yet most of the disenfranchised working-class white
people said "nyet" and voted for Snow White the outsider.
It is a hopeful sign that people throughout the Washington-dominated world are discovering the
power of "nyet." The establishment may still look spiffy on the outside, but under the shiny new
paint there hides a rotten hull, with water coming in though every open seam. A sufficiently resounding
"nyet" will probably be enough to cause it to founder, suddenly making room for some very necessary
changes. When that happens, please remember to thank Russia or, if you insist, Putin.
NowhereMan said... Tuesday, July 26, 2016 at 7:13:00 AM EDT
Beautiful! I'm going to start using that word in conversation now just to gauge people's
reactions. Nyet!!! I have one particularly stuffy friend who's just baffled by the Trump
phenomenon. He's an old school GOP conservative at heart who's chagrined that he's had to
abandon the grand old party in favor of HRC and can't understand for the life of him why the
"dirt people" are so enamored with Trump and Sanders. I just laugh and tell him that they're
abandoning the Dems for the same reasons that he's embracing them.
The rich and the near rich (which seems to include just about everybody these days, if only in
their imaginations) here in the US all suffer from fundamental attribution bias - the idea
that their own exceptionalism is why they are doing well - rather than realizing that it's all
mostly just the luck of the draw - or even worse - their own willingness to carry corporate
water like the good little Nazi's they are that has allowed them to temporarily advance their
station in life.
Fortunately for us all, the sun is setting on America's empire as we speak, and fevered dreams
of US hegemony for the rest of time will be short lived indeed, although homo sapiens' time
might be limited as well. If history keeps recording in the aftermath, US nuclear enabled
hegemony will be but a brief blip on the historical radar, and like the legend of Atlantis
before us, we'll be remembered chiefly as a society gone mad with our technologies, who
aspired to reach out and touch the face of god, but instead settled for embracing our many
inner devils. We won't be missed.
Happy Unicorn said... Tuesday, July 26, 2016 at 9:26:00 AM EDT
A vote for Trump is a vote for Putin? Wouldn't THAT be nice!
Dave Stockton said... Tuesday, July 26, 2016 at 9:36:00 AM EDT
This whole, "a vote against Hillary is a vote for Putin", is the best thing that could have
happened this election. The US population will now have a debate and get to vote on whether we
truly want to start World War Three. Hopefully the powers that be will be surprised by the
Unknown said... Tuesday, July 26, 2016 at 12:23:00 PM EDT
Putin recently made fun of Lavrov, that he is becoming like Gromyko....
...and Gromyko was called Mr. NYET. :-)
Vyse Legendaire said... Tuesday, July 26, 2016 at 12:37:00 PM EDT
I hope someone would volunteer to design a 'Nyet!' T-shirt on teepublic for advocates to
show their unity to the cause.
Shawn Sincoski said... Tuesday, July 26, 2016 at 4:44:00 PM EDT
I really hope that the next time the TBTF banks need a handout, somebody, somewhere reacts
with a 'NFW' that resonates with the other plebes. Such a powerful word. But I am doubtful
that such an event will occur. With all that is going on with Hillary the house should be on
fire by now, but it is not (I am not advocating Trump by disparaging HRC). I suspect that the
coming American experience will be unique and (dis)proportionate to their apathy.
Cortes said... Tuesday, July 26, 2016 at 9:01:00 PM EDT
Herbert Marcuse: The first word of freedom is "No"
Irene Parousis said... Wednesday, July 27, 2016 at 6:58:00 AM EDT
Wednesday, July 27, 2016 at 12:12:00 AM EDT
There is a minor twist: "The corrosive psychological effect of "nyet" on the American
hegemonic psyche cannot be underestimated". Probably GWB's "misunderestimated" left some local
linguistic traume in your brain popping up in your otherwise perfect comment. I guess you
meant "cannot be overestimated". Nevermind, you message is clear and convincing anyway :-)
Mister Roboto said... Wednesday, July 27, 2016 at 8:07:00 AM EDT
This sums up why all the usual poppycock and folderol about why I need to vote for Hillary
that always succeeded in getting under my intellectual skin in the past is now just the mere
noise of screeching cats outside the window to me: There just comes a point where, if you have
any integrity at all, you have to say, "Nyet!"
Thursday, July 28, 2016 at 5:42:00 AM EDT
At some point, voting for a major party candidate is just throwing away your vote.
Thursday, July 28, 2016 at 7:11:00 AM EDT
I always enjoy Dmitry's blogs and the fact that he pushes the Russian perspective, as a relief
from the Russophobic drivel put out by the mainstream. However, a word of caution to the wise.
Obama, Kerry, Clinton, Trump et al. are, in fact, extremely unfunny. Charlie Chaplin lampooned
the funny little man with the moustache in the Great Dictator, xa! xa! xa! The truth came out
later. Do not be afraid of Neocon America, but please remember these are dangerous people. Be
Thursday, July 28, 2016 at 10:55:00 AM EDT
And sad because Brasil didn't say NYET to the coup planted here by USA.
Thursday, July 28, 2016 at 1:02:00 PM EDT
"Putin recently made fun of Lavrov, that he is becoming like Gromyko....
...and Gromyko was called Mr. NYET. :-)"
Even better, Lavrov was subsequently quoted in the press as saying "don't make me say the four
What a tag team!
Friday, July 29, 2016 at 9:20:00 AM EDT
I really believe that you have hit the crux of the issue, the Neocon psychopaths are besides
themselves over the Nyets, and they find themselves to be a once powerful now toothless lion,
the are being laughed at, even by the American people.
I hope so because the worst of the bunch is Mrs. Clinton, she is just a crazy and stupid enough
to burn it all down, perhaps the only thing that would prevent her from doing so is that this
would interfere with her Diabolical Narcissistic need to be seen as the Kleptocrat she is and
to get away with being the biggest grifter in American history.
Turkey shows that they can't even organize a proper coup any more, even when they have a major
base in the country of the government to be compromised. The NeoCons must be so disappointed.
This failed coup was probably also was a big disappointment to those Fed Banksters who were
counting on looting the Bank if Turkey's 500 or so Tonnes of gold, as they did with Ukraine.
Friday, July 29, 2016 at 12:53:00 PM EDT
Leon Panetta sez "we know how to do this" despite an exuberant flourishing of evidence to the
contrary. But there's a glimmer of hope, even if it comes from a way down the ranks, because
there's a Col Bacevitch who begs to differ and sez "with all due respect, we DON'T know how to
You ask, know how to do WHAT exactly? Well, the topic at issue in a PBS panel discussion was
destroying the Islamic State. But knowing how to do it or NOT knowing how to do it could refer
equally to a series of monumental American foreign policy muffs. How could it be, that America
with all its military force, screws up so mightily and predictably? Because it's as Mr Orlov
asserts, there's a lot of NYETS out there and the American foreign policy establishment can't
But what they most crucially can't fathom is that those damn furriners have their own
interests at heart just like the Americans have their own interests. Americans from the street
level to the highest echelons view the world through Americentric lens resulting in
ludicrously distorted fun-house views of the world.
For example, why doesn't the Iranian see things the way Americans want him to? Why is it
always "nyet" coming out of Teheran? Why are Iranians so belligerent? Americans seemingly
can't comprehend that Iran is an ancient imperial power whose roots go back millennia, right
to the origins of civilization. But could it possibly be that Iranian concerns have got more
to do with goings-on in their geographic locale and pretty much nothing to do with the United
States? And that the Iranian is highly irritated that Americans stick their noses into matters
that concern Americans only tangentially or not at all? Could it be that the Iranian has his
own life pathways in age-old places that Americans know nothing about? Could it be that an
Iranian is educated in his own traditions in ancient academies that far pre-date anything on
American soil? You can replace the words "Iranian" and "Iran" with "Chinese" and "China" or
"Japanese" and "Japan" or dozens of other places and societies including "Russian" and
"Russia". American incomprehension goes deep.
Maybe some of the world is Washington-dominated. But maybe some this domination is more
apparent than real. Maybe it only seems Washington-dominated because in many of these places
there's a concordance of interests with the United States. But in most of the globe the
interests of Americans are not the same as those of the locals. And America has not got the
will nor the reach to make it otherwise.
Happy Unicorn said...
Roger: "But in most of the globe the interests of Americans are not the same as those of the
Most of the globe, including America itself! The interests of the Americans you're talking
about are usually not the same as mine or anyone's that I know ("the locals" in America). I
suspect the people of the USA who aren't brainwashed would have a lot in common with everybody
else in the world, because the first colony of any would-be empire (colony 0, let's say) is
always the country it originated from. More and more of us are saying nyet too, though the
utterance usually takes the less exotic form also enumerated by Dmitry awhile back: "No,
because we hate you."
Friday, July 29, 2016 at 3:03:00 PM EDT
Saturday, July 30, 2016 at 7:22:00 AM EDT
In good wronglish:
There's America, Americans, USA.
And, in some point of our decolonized memory, there's Pacha Mama, our Mother Earth, the name
given to our land by the older people.
Not by chance, the unique country in Pacha Mama continents that have a pre-colonial language
as its official - Paraguay's Guarani - was the initial focus of this antidemocratic wave
attacking our countries.
We, the united states of...? What?
"Pacha Mama" is our best nyet!
Not anymore south and central americas, south and central "americans". Pacha Mama is our real
continents' name! We are The United States of Pacha Mama!
When mentioning people from brazil, angentine, chile, bolivia, peru paraguay
colombiavenezuelahaiti,surinamepanamacubamexico and so, please call us Pachamamists. That'
what we are.
Saturday, July 30, 2016 at 11:27:00 AM EDT
HappyUnicorn, of course you're right.
What we ordinary folk think of as "American" interests are those interests as expressed by an
entrenched foreign policy establishment to which the price of admission isn't only graduate
studies in an expensive university. No, you have to walk within the lines. There's nothing as
old under the sun as "group-think".
The lines are long established. Just think of it: globalization, off-shoring millions of jobs,
on-shoring millions of dirt-poor immigrants, legal and otherwise. Nothing warms the cockles of
the oligarch's heart like a desperate underclass.
I know Trump is a buffoon. But he served a purpose when he diverged from long established
consensus and said that maybe, just maybe, getting on with the Russians might not be that
hard. Or that NATO is an out-dated, dead-weight non-alliance of the unwilling. Or that
border-less trade ruined heartland America.
You saw the venomous reaction. A lot of people staked a career on the status-quo. Is the
best-before expired as Trump suggested? I'll bet that if it hadn't been a blustering clown
that raised it, many more people on the street would agree.
Some regional interests are historic and easily visible for example, along the Mason-Dixon
line. But even on either side of that old divide I think that the disparity is more an
artifact of opposing elites determined to not get along. Why don't they get along? Well,
there's a country to loot. You need distractions and diversions while pension funds and
treasuries are emptied.
And so we're off chasing our tails on burning problems like gender neutral washrooms.
Brilliant, don't you think? Kudos to the Obama regime for that one. And so it's God fearin',
gun packin' "conservative" versus enlightened, high-minded "progressive". What a joke, what a
con. Yet, predictably, we fell for it. You name it, school prayer, abortion, evolution, and
now washrooms, we fall for it, we always do.
Robert T. said...
Saturday, July 30, 2016 at 1:52:00 PM EDT
It would be very nice if someone could write a piece on what life in Russia, in all its
levels, is really like nowadays. I suspect that it is not just "nyet" that terrifies the
Empire, but rather what Russia herself is now increasingly coming to represent.
A lot of people, myself included, had been brought up thinking that Russia, while indeed a
superpower, isn't and cannot be on the same page as the US. But now here are reports saying
that a good and strong leader has pulled Russia out of the rut, and made things better. What's
more, this leader did it in a manner that seems antithetical to the Empire. And what's even
better is that this new Russia can't be easily rocked, like how the other countries had been
rocked and thrown into chaos. The Empire therefore is at its wit's end. If people from other
parts of the Earth, especially in those many places where democracy has failed miserably,
begin to see that there is indeed an alternative to the empirical system, won't they then
start to follow Russia's footsteps?
Headsails said... Tuesday, August 2, 2016 at 2:07:00 AM EDT
Just like a spoiled rotten child that needs to learn some manners. It needs to learn the
meaning of no. But in this case, instead of a spankng they would be chain ganged for life.
Brain Parasite Gonna Eatcha!
I've been experiencing some difficulties with commenting on the current political situation in the
US, because it's been a little too funny, whereas this is a very serious blog. But I have decided
that I must try my best. Now, these are serious matters, so as you read this, please refrain from
any and all levity and mirth.
You may have heard by now that the Russians stole the US presidential election; if it wasn't for
them, Hillary Clinton would have been president-elect, but because of their meddling we are now stuck
with Donald Trump and his 1001 oligarchs running the federal government for the next four years.
There are two ways to approach this question. One is to take the accusation of Russian hacking
of the US elections at face value, and we will certainly do that. But first let's try another way,
because it's quicker. Let's consider the accusation itself as a symptom of some unrelated disorder.
This is often the best way forward. Suppose a person walks into a doctor's office, and says, "Doctor,
I believe I have schizophrenium poisoning." Should the doctor summon the hazmat team, or check for
And so let's first consider that this "Russians did it" refrain we keep hearing is a symptom of
something else, of which Russians are not the cause. My working hypothesis is that this behavior
is being caused by a brain parasite. Yes, this may seem outlandish at first, but as we'll see later
the theory that the Russians stole the election is no less outlandish.
Brain parasites are known to alter the behavior of the organisms they infest in a variety of subtle
ways. For instance, Toxicoplasma gondii alters the behavior of rodents, causing them to lose
fear of cats and to become attracted to the smell of cat urine, making it easy for the cats to catch
them. It also alters the behavior of humans, causing them to lavish excessive affection on cats and
to compulsively download photographs of cute kittens playing with yarn.
My hypothesis is that this particular brain parasite was specifically bioengineered by the US
to make those it infects hate Russia. I suspect that the neurological trigger it uses is Putin's
face, which the parasite somehow wires into the visual cortex. This virus was first unleashed on
the unsuspecting Ukrainians, where its effect was plain to see. This historically Russian, majority
Russian-speaking, culturally Russian and religiously Russian Orthodox region suddenly erupted in
an epidemic of Russophobia. The Ukraine cut economic ties with Russia, sending its economy into a
tailspin, and started a war with its eastern regions, which were quite recently part of Russia and
wish to become part of Russia again.
So far so good: the American bioengineers who created this virus achieved the effect they wanted,
turning a Russian region into an anti-Russian region. But as happens so often with biological agents,
it turned out to be hard to keep under control. Its next victims turned out to be NATO and the Pentagon,
whose leadership started compulsively uttering the phrase "Russian aggression" in a manner suggestive
of Tourette's Syndrome, entirely undeterred by the complete absence of evidence of any such aggression
that they could present for objective analysis. They, along with the by now fit-to-be-tied Ukrainians,
kept prattling on about "Russian invasion," waving about decades-old pictures of Russian tanks they
downloaded from their friends on Facebook.
From there the brain parasite spread to the White House, the Clinton presidential campaign, the
Democratic National Committee, and its attendant press corps, who are now all chattering away about
"Russian hacking." The few knowledgeable voices who point out that there is absolutely no hard evidence
of any such "Russian hacking" are being drowned out by the Bedlam din of the rest.
This, to me, seems like the simplest explanation that fits the facts. But to be fair and balanced,
let us also examine the other perspective: that claims of "Russian hacking" should be taken at face
value. The first difficulty we encounter is that what is being termed "Russian hacking" is not hacks
but leaks. Hacks occur where some unauthorized party breaks into a server and steals data. Leaks
occur where an insider-a "whistleblower"-violates rules of secrecy and/or confidentiality in order
to release into the public domain evidence of wrongdoing. In this case, evidence of leaking is prima
facie: Was the data in question evidence of wrongdoing? Yes. Was it released into the public domain?
Yes. Has the identity of said leaker or leakers remained secret? Yes, with good reason.
But this does not rule out hacking, because what a leaker can do, a hacker can also do, although
with difficulty. Leakers have it easy: you see evidence of wrongdoing, take umbrage at it, copy it
onto a thumb drive, smuggle it off premises, and upload it to Wikileaks through a public wifi hotspot
from an old laptop you bought off Craislist and then smashed. But what's a poor hacker to do? You
hack into server after server, running the risk of getting caught each time, only to find that the
servers contain minutes of public meetings, old press releases, backups of public web sites and-incriminating
evidence!-a mother lode of pictures of fluffy kittens playing with yarn downloaded by a secretary
afflicted with Toxicoplasma gondii .
The solution, of course, is to create something that's worth hacking, or leaking, but this is
a much harder problem. What the Russians had to do, then, was take the incorruptible, squeaky-clean
goody-two-shoes faithful public servant Hillary Clinton, infiltrate the Clinton Foundation, Hillary's
presidential campaign and the Democratic National Committee, and somehow manipulate them all into
doing things that, when leaked (or hacked) would reliably turn the electorate against Clinton. Yes
Sir, Tovarishch Putin!
Those Russians sure are clever! They managed to turn the DNC into an anti-Bernie Sanders operation,
depriving him of electoral votes through a variety of underhanded practices while appealing to anti-Semitic
sentiments in certain parts of the country. They managed to manipulate Donna Brazile into handing
presidential debate questions to the Clinton campaign. They even managed to convince certain Ukrainian
oligarchs and Saudi princes to bestow millions upon the Clinton foundation in exchange for certain
future foreign policy concessions. The list of these leak-worthy Russian subterfuges goes on and
on But who can stop them?
And so clearly the Russians had to first corrupt the Clinton Foundation, the Clinton Presidential
campaign and the Democratic National Committee, just in order to render them hackworthy. But here
we have a problem. You see, if you can hack into a server, so can everyone else. Suppose you leave
your front door unlocked and swinging in the breeze, and long thereafter stuff goes missing. Of course
you can blame the neighbor you happen to like least, but then why would anyone believe you? Anybody
could have walked through that door and taken your shit. And so it is hard to do anything beyond
lobbing empty accusations at Russia as far as hacking is concerned; but the charge of corrupting
the incorruptible Hillary Clinton is another matter entirely.
Because here the ultimate Russian achievement was in getting Hillary Clinton to refer to over
half of her electorate as "a basket of deplorables," and this was no mean feat. It takes a superpower
to orchestrate a political blunder of this magnitude. This she did in front of an LGBT audience in
New York. Now, Hillary is no spring chicken when it comes to national politics: she's been through
quite a few federal elections, and she has enough experience to know that pissing off over half of
your electorate in one fell swoop is not a particularly smart thing to do. Obviously, she was somehow
hypnotized into uttering these words no doubt by a hyperintelligent space-based Russian operative.
The Russian covert operation into subverting American democracy started with the Russians sending
an agent into the hitherto unexplored hinter regions of America, to see what they are like. Hunched
over his desk, Putin whipped out a map of the US and a crayon, and lightly shaded in an area south
of the Mason-Dixon line, west of New York and Pennsylvania, and east of the Rockies.
Let me come clean. I have split loyalties. I have spent most of my life hobnobbing with transnational
elites on the East Coast, but I have also spent quite a few years working for a very large midwestern
agricultural equipment company, and a very large midwestern printing company, so I know the culture
of the land quite well. I am sure that what this Russian agent reported back is that the land is
thickly settled with white people of Anglo-Irish, Scottish, German and Slavic extraction, that they
are macho, that their women (for it is quite a male-centric culture) tend to vote same way as the
men for the sake of domestic tranquility, that they don't much like dark-skinned people or gays,
and that plenty of them view the East Coast and California as dens of iniquity and corruption, if
not modern-day Sodoms and Gomorras.
And what if Vladimir Putin read this report, and issued this order: "Get Clinton to piss them
all off." And so it was done: unbeknownst to her, using nefarious means, Hillary was programmed,
under hypnosis, to utter the phrase "a basket of deplorables." A Russian operative hiding in the
audience of LGBT activists flashed a sign triggering the program in Hillary's overworked brain, and
the rest is history. If that's what actually happened, then Putin should be pronounced Special Ops
Officer of the Year, while all the other "world leaders" should quietly sneak out the back entrance,
sit down on the ground in the garden and eat some dirt, then puke it up into their hands and rub
it into their eyes while wailing, because how on earth can they possibly ever hope to beat that?
Or we can just go back to my brain parasite theory. Doesn't it seem a whole lot more sane now?
Not only is it much simpler and more believable, but it also has certain predictive merits that the
"Russian hacking" theory lacks. You see, when there is parasitism involved, there is rarely just
one symptom. Usually, there is a whole cluster of symptoms. And so, just for the sake of comparison,
let's look at what has happened to the Ukraine since it was infected with the Ukrainian Brain Parasite,
and compare that to what is happening to the US now that the parasite has spread here too.
1. The Ukraine is ruled by an oligarch-Petro Poroshenko, the "candy king"-along with a clique
of other oligarchs who have been handed regional governorships and government ministries. And now
the US is about to be ruled by an oligarch-Trump, the "casino king"-along with a clique of other
oligarchs, from ExxonMobile to Goldman Sachs.
2. The Ukraine has repudiated its trade agreements with Russia, sending its economy into free-fall.
And now Trump is promising to repudiate, and perhaps renegotiate, a variety of trade agreements.
For a country that has run huge structural trade deficits for decades and pays for them by constantly
issuing debt this is not going to be easy or safe.
3. The Ukraine has been subjected to not one but two Color Revolutions, promoted by none other
than that odious oligarch George Soros. The US is now facing its own Color Revolution-the Purple
Revolution-paid for by that same Soros, with the goal of overturning the results of the presidential
election and derailing the inauguration of Donald Trump through a variety of increasingly desperate
ploys including paid-for demonstrations, vote recounts and attempts to manipulate the Electoral College.
4. For a couple of years now the Ukraine has been mired in a bloody and futile civil war. To this
day the Ukrainian troops (with NATO support) are lobbing missiles into civilian districts in the
east of the country, and getting decimated in return. So far, Trump's victory seems to have appeased
the "deplorables," but should the Purple Revolution succeed, the US may also see major social unrest,
possibly escalating into a civil war.
The Ukrainian Brain Parasite has devastated the Ukraine. It is by now too far gone for much of
anything to be done about it. All of the best people have left, mostly for Russia, and all that's
left is a rotten, hollow shell. But does it have to end this way for the US? I hope not!
There are, as I see it, two possibilities. One is to view those who are pushing the "Russian hacking"
or "Russian aggression" story as political adversaries. Another is to view them as temporarily mentally
ill. Yes, their brains are infected with the Ukrainian Brain Parasite, but that just means that their
opinions are to be disregarded-until they feel better. And since this particular brain parasite specifically
influences social behavior, if we refuse to reward that behavior with positive reinforcement-by acknowledging
it-we will suppress its most debilitating symptoms, eventually forcing the parasite to evolve toward
a more benign form. As with many infectious diseases, the fight against them starts with improved
hygiene-in this case, mental hygiene. And so that is my prescription: when you see someone going
on about "Russian hacking" or "Russian aggression" be merciful and charitable toward them as individuals,
because they are temporarily incapacitated, but do not acknowledge their mad ranting, and instead
try to coax them into learning to control it.
Companies used to pull their trucks off the road, or allow driver
discretion to pull over, in bad weather. Not so much any more. Because
corporate profits 2 people died.
Dec 17, 2016 12:12 PM
This just in from Fake Nuuuz Central:
Thanks for this– a much-needed Onion-esque satirical dig at the Globe/Post/NYT trifecta of
garbage. To base a headline on information gleaned from anonymous sources and unnamed officials
in secret meetings with unpublished agendas seems the most dangerous type of fake news there is.
The death of irony was greatly exaggerated, if you ask me.
... Anyway, concerned by number of supposedly educated friends(Clinton supporters) being
taken in by this fake news/Russian ties thing. They've lost their heads and there's no discussing
it with them, they are convinced. Where does it end? Na zdorovie!
It's going to be a surprise and happen when everyone least expects it. Sneak attack by moose
and skwirral. Anyway, concerned by number of supposedly educated friends(Clinton supporters) being
taken in by this fake news/Russian ties thing. They've lost their heads and there's no discussing
it with them, they are convinced. Where does it end? Na zdorovie!
Sec. 501. Committee to counter active measures by the State of Israel to exert covert
influence over peoples and governments.
(a)Definitions - In this section:
Active measures by the State of Israel to exert covert influence. The
term active measures by Israel to exert covert influence means activities
intended to influence a person or government that are carried out in coordination with,
or at the behest of, political leaders or the security services of the State of Israel
and the role of Israel has been hidden or not acknowledged publicly,
including the following:
(A)Establishment or funding of a front group.
(D)Disinformation and forgeries.
(E)Funding agents of influence.
(F)Incitement and offensive counterintelligence.
Appropriate committees of Congress
The term appropriate committees of Congress means
(A)the congressional intelligence committees;
(B)the Committee on Armed Services and the Committee on Foreign Relations of the Senate;
(C)the Committee on Armed Services and the Committee on Foreign Affairs of the House of
There is established within the executive branch an interagency committee to counter active
measures by the State of Israel to exert covert influence.
Each head of an agency or department of the United States Government set out under subparagraph
(B) shall appoint one member of the committee established by subsection (b) from among
officials of such agency or department who occupy a position that is required to be appointed
by the President, with the advice and consent of the Senate.
(B)Head of an agency or department
The head of an agency or department of the United States Government set out under this
subparagraph are the following:
(i)The Director of National Intelligence.
(ii)The Secretary of State.
(iii)The Secretary of Defense.
(iv)The Secretary of the Treasury.
(v)The Attorney General.
(vi)The Secretary of Energy.
(vii)The Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation.
(viii)The head of any other agency or department of the United States Government designated
by the President for purposes of this section.
The committee shall meet on a regular basis.
The duties of the committee established by subsection (b) shall be as follows:
(1)To counter active measures by Israel to exert covert influence, including
by exposing falsehoods, agents of influence, corruption, human rights abuses, terrorism,
and assassinations carried out by the security services or political elites of the State of Israel or their proxies.
(2)Such other duties as the President may designate for purposes of this section.
(g)Budget request [...]
Not later than 180 days after the date of the enactment of this Act, and annually thereafter,
and consistent with the protection of intelligence sources and methods, the committee established
by subsection (b) shall submit to the appropriate committees of Congress a report describing
steps being taken by the committee to counter active measures by Israel to
exert covert influence.
Each report under paragraph (1) shall include a summary of the following:
(A)Active measures by Israel to exert covert influence during the previous
year, including significant incidents and notable trends.
(B)Key initiatives of the committee.
(C)Implementation of the committee's initiatives by the heads of the agencies and departments
of the United States Government specified in subsection (c)(1)(B).
(D)Analysis of the success of such initiatives.
(E)Changes to such initiatives from the previous year.
Separate reporting requirement
The requirement to submit an annual report under paragraph (1) is in addition to any other
reporting requirements with respect to Israel .
502.Limitation on travel of accredited diplomats and consulars of the State of Israel in
the United States from their diplomatic post
(a)Appropriate committees of Congress defined
In this section, the term appropriate committees of Congress means-
1. the congressional intelligence committees;
2. the Committee on Foreign Relations and the Committee on the Judiciary of the Senate; and
3. the Committee on Foreign Affairs and the Committee on the Judiciary of the House of Representatives.
(b)Quarterly limitation on travel distance Accredited diplomatic personnel and consulars of
the State of Israel in the United States may not be permitted to travel a distance
in excess of 25 miles from their diplomatic post in the United States in a calendar quarter
unless, on or before the last day of the preceding calendar quarter, the Director of the Federal
Bureau of Investigation has certified in writing to the appropriate committees of Congress
that during the preceding calendar quarter the Bureau did not identify any violations by accredited
diplomatic personnel and consulars of the State of Israel of applicable requirements
to notify the United States Government in connection with travel by such diplomatic personnel
and consulars of a distance in excess of 25 miles from their diplomatic post in the United
OK - I lied a little. The text of the bill is as reads above, but I have substituted the text
the State of Israel and Israel in place of the original text: the
Russian Federation and Russia . You see, some countries are more equal
than others. (Apologies to all the U.S. readers that thought "Well, it's about damn time!"
[Dec 06, 2016] Obama invented a new psychedelic drug: a mixture of Hopium and Ballonium...
ALEPPO, Syria - In the midst of sectarian violence that has overtaken Syria for more than five
years, nine-year-old Asil Kassab is shocked by the defeat of Democratic presidential candidate
"I am so unhappy that a woman was not elected President," Asil said, briefly ducking as a bomb
from an American MQ-1 Predator drone leveled the hospital behind her. "Hillary Clinton is truly a
role model for young girls like me. I was so hoping that she'd be the one to order the drone
strike that would inevitably end my life."
Despite Clinton's support for regime change in Syria, leading to what is arguably one of the
greatest humanitarian crises of the early century, Kassab surprisingly says she holds no ill
"I don't put much stock in the misogynist agenda of American politics," said Kassab, who, like
many children, cannot remember a time before the war that has killed 400,000 people, including
her family, and created over 4.7 million refugees. "People will always criticize her because she
is a woman in a man's world; One who has the audacity to run for President."
"It is sexism that motivates her critics, plain and simple," she added. "It is sexism, and
racism, that caused her to lose the election!"
More about Clinton and the Washington establishment than
Trump. Just as Brexit was about Wasteminster's Elitists
and not the EU. I saw wonderfully funny cartoons sent to
me by my American friends, the best one said:
Voting for an independent is like eating a salad,
it's the right thing to do, but will it really make
much difference. Voting for Trump is like eating a
spicy, greasy Burrito, fun at first, but then you have
to digest it. Voting for Clinton is like eating the
fork, and only a complete moron would do that.
It is January 20th, 2017. President Donald J. Trump is presiding over his very first meeting with
his national security team.
Trump : We must destroy ISIS immediately. No delays.
CIA : We cannot do that, sir. We created them.
Trump : The Democrats created them.
CIA : We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you would lose funding from the natural gas lobby.
Trump : Stop funding Pakistan. Let India deal with them.
CIA : We can't do that.
Trump : Why is that?
CIA : India will cut Balochistan out of Pak.
Trump : I don't care.
CIA : India will have peace in Kashmir. They will stop buying our weapons. They will become a superpower.
We have to fund Pakistan to keep India busy in Kashmir.
Trump : But you have to destroy the Taliban.
CIA : Sir, we can't do that. We created the Taliban to keep Russia in check during the 80s. Now they
are keeping Pakistan busy and away from their nukes.
Trump : We have to destroy terror sponsoring regimes in the Middle East. Let us start with the
Pentagon : Sir, we can't do that. We created those regimes because we wanted their oil. We can't
have democracy there, otherwise their people will get that oil - and we cannot let their people own
Trump : Then, let us invade Iran.
Pentagon : We cannot do that either, sir.
Trump : Why not?
CIA : We are talking to them, sir.
Trump : What? Why?
CIA : We want our Stealth Drones back. If we attack them, Russia will obliterate us as they did to
our buddy ISIS in Syria. Besides we need Iran to keep Israel in check.
Trump : Then let us invade Iraq again.
CIA : Sir, our friends (ISIS) are already occupying 1/3rd of Iraq.
Trump : Why not the whole of Iraq?
CIA : We need the Shi'ite govt of Iraq to keep ISIS in check.
Trump : I am banning Muslims from entering the US.
Homeland Security : We can't do that.
Trump : Why not?
Homeland Security : Then our own population will stop fearing terrorism and be harder to control.
Trump : I am deporting all illegal immigrants to south of the border.
Border patrol : You can't do that, sir.
Trump : Why not?
Border patrol : If they're gone, who will build the wall?
Trump : I am banning H1B visas.
USCIS : You cannot do that.
Trump : Why?
Chief of Staff : If you do so, we'll have to outsource White House operations to Bangalore. Which
is in India.
Trump (sweating profusely by now): What the hell should I do as President???
CIA : Enjoy the White House, sir! We'll take care of the rest!
It's only been three days, oh, worthy of Quirites, from the moment that the Epicurean Trumparamp
was elected as the new king of Parthia, but one might think that instead the depths of Hades were
unleashed upon the world and that an unstoppable stream most incredible monsters poured out of
Messengers convey that in the Parthian kingdom reigns mourning, though by no means among all
of the subjects – the heart-rending screams and rolling in the dust, while scratching one's face
with the nails is popular exclusively among the adherents of the king Abamarak and his chosen
Illariya, the priestess of the temple of the Giant Golden Toad – all sorts of Greeks (in both
senses of the word), painted buffoons, owners of amphitheatres and Nubians each of whom Illariya
promised free distribution of bread and five silver coins from the treasury. It is interesting
that here in Rome takes place exactly the same thing –capital dwelling useless loafers and Judean
owners of galleries with indecent murals, all wrapped in a black cloaks and shedding fiery tears,
realizing that the flow of Parthian gold into their mad undertakings might soon dry up.
What is happening in the Umbria defies any description. The local savages made countless sacrifices
to the good deity Peremogiks, daubing it in tasty pig fat and even proclaiming it a kinsman to
the Golden Toad. But, as it appears to be, the dreadful witch Gan'ba called forth the black forces
and summoned the sinister demon Zradiks, who plunged the Umbrians into utter despair. Witnesses
say, that the grieving barbarians gorged themselves on peas, trying to scare Zradiks off with
most powerful spell known to Umbria – the blowing of trhe Black Winds – that's why after hearing
the news from Parthia the sky over the city Kuyavis was colored with multicolored fire lanes,
and some Umbrians as a result flew up to the Moon and do not know now how to return back… And
it's not only because the priestess Illariya did not become the queen – they began to realize
that rich, but cost-wise Trumparamp, now won't give Umbria even a broken copper, especially after
the local leaders slandered him with unspeakable words and even splashed the statue of Trumparamp's
genius with pig's dung!
But how did it happen that the priestess of the Giant Golden Toad was denied the throne of
Parthia? And it wasn't even due to the story about the clay tablets – Illariya sent secret dispatches
using ordinary slave, and not purposely trained guard, making Parthian judges to begin an inquiry
of the matter. The last straw was the story of the Greek Pipisyandr, husband of one of the younger
priestesses, who assisted Illariya: this Pipisyandr became infamous for his habit of nightly break
ins into the houses of Parthian matrons and even innocent girls, whom he revealed his "riches"
of questionable value, and also ran away, filling neighborhoods with sinister laughter – all of
which, of course, caused considerable outrage. Perhaps this is the first and only time in history
when the king's elections were decided by someone's phallus!
The storm that broke out, however, does not abate day after day, and the Quirites in the Forum
only shrug never before a new king of Parthia caused this kind of whirlwind, streams of tears
and wailing chorus. Let's see what will happen next.
(1) Illariya was specifically instructed by KIng Abamarak to enscribe her clay tablets using
the secret cypher known as "Caesar's 4-letter shift". And to attach them to the legs of specially
trained evasive pigeons. Yet in her arrogance and contempt for her Nubian overlord, she enscribed
her instructions in cleartext and sent them in the hands of ordinary house slaves; and
(2) Pipisyandr was even better known for making impressions in clay of his enormous phallus, then
sending such impressions to the matrons of Rome, but verify at least he did attach these clay
phalluses to the legs of sturdy pigeons, which is what they called "tweeting" or "cooing" the
Gaius Anonymus most notably omits (although inquisitive quirites remind him in comments beneath
this news-scroll) that Illariya and the wife of Pipisyandr might have engaged in the sapphic pleasures
of the flesh. This sad fact forced the spurned husband to steal some clay tablets with sensetive
data and plant his phallos unto them – without clearing what's been written on these tablets.
Thus the general public of Parthia became partial to the most scandalous exposure of secrets of
But has it also not been whispered among patricians and plebeians alike – though few dare breathe
the rumour openly – that Illariya's husband also made regular visits to a legendary island of
nymphs said to be owned by Galfridus Eburstanius?
And verily the scandal reached into the inner workings of the Vestal Virgin network. Malicious
plebeians gossip that Illariya's husband, Bubbus Primus, who disguised himself with cloaked hood,
also went under the alias of "Bigus Dickus" as he penetrated into the Vestal sanctum, a holy place
where technically males are not allowed.
But those rules are only for plebeians.
Also Gaius Anonymous omits to say that the most senior Parthian judge Iacobus Brianus Comnenus
twice declared that the investigations begun against Illariya for her use of personal slaves instead
of government messengers to transact government business had no merit, against the wishes of his
fellow judges and their clerks, scribes and centurions, that Illariya now blames IBC for her loss
in the elections, and that the judges may now be preparing to dethrone IBC himself and to reopen
their investigations against Illariya.
Presenting...the Clinton IT Department! This has not been an especially ennobling election.
Or a rewarding one. Or even entertaining. Pretty much everything about 2016 has been boorish and
grotesque. But finally it is time to laugh.
This has not been an especially ennobling election. Or a rewarding one. Or even entertaining.
Pretty much everything about 2016 has been boorish and grotesque. But finally it is time to laugh.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present the Clinton IT department.
Over the weekend we finally found out how Clinton campaign honcho John Podesta's emails were hacked.
But first a couple disclaimers:
1) Yes, it's unpleasant to munch on the fruit of the poisoned tree. But this isn't a court of
law and you can't just ignore information that's dragged into the public domain.
2) We're all vulnerable to hackers. Even if you're a security nut who uses VPNs and special email
encryption protocols, you can be hacked. The only real security is the anonymity of the herd. Once
a hacker targets you, specifically, you're toast.
I'm a pretty tech-savvy guy and if the Chinese decided to hack my emails tonight, you'd have everything
I've ever written posted to Wikileaks before the sun was up tomorrow.
But that is … not John Podesta's situation.
What happened was this: On March 19, Podesta got what looked--kind of, sort of--like an email
from Google's Gmail team. The email claimed that someone from the Ukraine had tried to hack into
Podesta's Gmail account and that he needed to change his password immediately.
This is what's called a "phishing" scam, where hackers send legitimate-looking emails that, when
you click on the links inside them, actually take you someplace dangerous. In Podesta's case, there
was a link that the email told him to click in order to change his password.
This was not an especially good bit of phishing.
Go have a look yourself. The email calls Podesta by his first name. It uses bit.ly as a link
shortener. Heck, the subject line is the preposterous "*someone has your password*". Why would Google
say "someone has your password?" They wouldn't. They'd say that there had been log-in attempts that
failed two-step authentication, maybe. Or that the account had been compromised, perhaps. If you've
spent any time using email over the last decade, you know exactly how these account security emails
And what's more, you know that you never click on the link in the email. If you get a notice from
your email provider or your bank or anyone who holds sensitive information of yours saying that your
account has been compromised, you leave the email, open your web browser, type in the URL of the
website, and then manually open your account information. Again, let me emphasize: You never click
on the link in the email!
But what makes this story so priceless isn't that John Podesta got fooled by an fourth-rate phishing
scam. After all, he's just the guy who's going to be running Hillary Clinton's administration. What
does he know about tech? And Podesta, to his credit, knew what he didn't know: He emailed the Clinton
IT help desk and said, Hey, is this email legit?
And the Clinton tech team's response was: Hell yes!
No, really. Here's what they said: One member of the team responded to Podesta by saying "The
gmail one is REAL." Another answered by saying "This is a legitimate email. John needs to change
his password immediately."
It's like the Clinton IT department is run by 90-year-old grandmothers. I half-expect the next
Wikileaks dump to have an email from one Clinton techie to another asking for help setting their
As the other guy likes to say, "only the best people."
3. How will you address the problem of homelessness in this country?
Rebuild the nation's infrastructure to better conceal those living
Provide them with gainful employment opportunities as ship ballast
Instruct the U.S. Mint to use small coins as vectors for a potent new virus
All of the above
He doesn't seem to be sniffing so much today … so there goes one idea. I think you NEED a shot
of Jack Daniels every time Hillary laughs derisively after a Trump answer. As for beer chugs,
every time Trump repeats himself within 2 sentences?
As soon as the first batch of
Democratic Party emails were leaked in the Summer of 2016,
the Blue Team started churning out Cold War propaganda,
blaming it all on Russia while ignoring the damning
contents of the emails. With each new leak of exposing
information, the media hysteria about Russia continues to
grow. If Donald Trump were to respond to his criticism
like Hillary Clinton does, it might sound something like
The press is rightfully ignoring and
discrediting ludicrous conspiracy theories! If the press is unjust in
dismissing these outlandish claims about the emails 'scandal' and
Bill's supposed rape 'victims', then why do so many people still
choose to consume these media outlets? Are you accusing the majority
of Americans of being gullible and misinformed? That seems like a
pretty wild and unfair accusation!
Accredited Book Review – Stronger Together by Hillary Clinton
14, 2016 11:54 AM
I could laugh at the sarcasm MDB spouts
off if it wasn't for the fact that
everyday I come into contact with
someone who actually believes it. I know
to some I appear a bit defeatist, but it
comes from the knowledge that around
half of our population really IS with
Hillary. Nothing you can say will change
their minds and they are effectively
those who will spy for the state any
chance they get. While I still have
hope, from where I sit, we are divided
beyond repair, and it's all been part of
Telling several members of the investment bank's board of directors how they had to check her out
whenever they get a chance, Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein was overheard Monday describing to
friends how incredible it is to see Hillary Clinton live.
"You can forget any recordings you've heard of Hillary, because they don't even compare to the
experience of seeing her in person," said Blankfein, who excitedly recounted the first time he saw
the Democratic presidential nominee in a small, intimate venue back in 2013, noting how he was instantly
captivated by what he was hearing and found himself nodding along throughout the 90-minute solo performance.
Russian research team which claimed to have detected signs of intelligent life in
Washington has now discovered the life there not to be quite so intelligent after
A Russian spokesman, who wishes to remain anonymous, told our Moscow science
correspondent -who also wishes to remain anonymous- that the Washington atmosphere
has been poisoned by huge clouds of putrid hot air belching from the corporate media.
He explained that such a hostile environment makes it almost impossible for
intelligent life to survive, let alone evolve a sustainable culture. The Russian team
believes there may still be small pockets of intelligent life elsewhere on the North
American continent but without the necessary conditions they need to thrive they are
destined to disappear without trace.
Speaking off the record, the Russian spokesman, who asked us not to disclose his
identity, added that hopes of finding intelligent life in London, Paris, Berlin and
other Western European locations, where it might be expected to flourish, are fading
fast. Though it is believed intelligent life once existed in Occiental Europe, an
atmosphere suitable for the maintenance of such life has all but evaporated.
Mr. Galifianakis then briefly interrupted the interview to play a campaign commercial for Mr.
Trump, claiming the billionaire businessman was the show's top sponsor. He then wrapped up the
exchange by telling Mrs. Clinton the two should stay in touch.
"What's the best way to reach you? Email?" he said.
The real question is whether the email are authentic or not. They are.
Neoliberal propaganda honchos just decided to use a smoke screen to conceal this
fact using Russia as a bogeyman.
Russian might be guilty of many things, but in no way it is
responsible for corruption of DNC and this subversive actions/covert operations
used for installing Hillary Clinton as a candidate from the Democratic Party. .
"... Is it OK to cheat, lie and deceive - as Clintons and DNC did - and then defend themselves by saying that "nobody would know, if it wasn't for those damn Russians"? Even the idea is preposterous: how we find out about this corruption is irrelevant, the point is there was corruption and cheating. ..."
"... So the DNC is trying to Blame Russia for their own corrupt actions. ..."
"... [Under Clintons] democracy has become conspiracy ..."
"... Are you constipated? Blame it on Russia. ..."
"... Oh and blaming Russia for revealing the truth. The truth was not attacked, but who revealed the truth is suddenly the bad guy. So desperate and out of sorts. :) ..."
"... There's no proof, besides an unsourced article in the Washington Post form 'security experts', that Russia had anything to do with this. What we do know is that immediately after the leaks became public various news outlets produced obviously planted hit pieces claiming some kind of collusion between the Trump campaign and Putin, and again with precisely zero evidence as back up. It's gob smacking that the Clinton campaign would risk an international incident with a nuclear power to cover for their shitty behaviour, but then again it's Hillary Clinton so perhaps not. ..."
"... It may indeed be Russian hackers who gained access to the emails which confirm the DNC was all along in the tank for Clinton, and was actively placing a thumb on the scale from day one in the primary process. ..."
"... But the bottom line here is that if the DNC had not so conspired, there would be no emails to leak, now would there? For Mook and others to now be placing blame on the hackers, rather than on those who produced the embarrassing material that the hackers exposed, is diversionary and inexcusable. ..."
"... The funniest thing is, they don't even deny the authenticity of the emails. Basically, DNC says that someone is guilty of revealing the truth. You can hardly stoop any lower. Blaming Russia is just a cherry on the cake. ..."
"... How nice to have an eternal scapegoat: TheRussiansAreComing!TheRussiansAreComing! This will obviously be RodHam's theme as President. Perhaps to the point of annihilation. Neo-Conne! ..."
"... My biggest issue with Hillary from the start has been her continued nonchalance when it comes to matters of national security. She acts as if she is above the need to keep sensitive information safe from potential enemies, both foreign and domestic. That's a pretty scary attitude coming from someone who is likely to be this nation's next leader. ..."
"... It's amazing. Caught red handed and still deflecting. Take responsibility for Christ sak ..."
"... ".....Several of the emails released indicate that the officials, including Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz, grew increasingly agitated with Clinton's rival, Bernie Sanders, and his campaign as the primary season advanced, in one instance even floating bringing up Sanders' religion to try and minimize his support. ..."
"... The more interesting part is that this blame is just a distraction from the larger issue, that the entire political system is corrupted and broken. This is just business as usual, only this instance was revealed. ..."
I honestly can't wait for when the pro-clinron commentors arrive. I can
see it now "this doesn't matter if you vote 3rd party you're voting for
trump." It won't matter that this is all the fault of the DNC, it will be
on us. I'm calling it now ;)
Is it OK to cheat, lie and deceive - as Clintons and DNC did - and then
defend themselves by saying that "nobody would know, if it wasn't for those
damn Russians"? Even the idea is preposterous: how we find out about this
corruption is irrelevant, the point is there was corruption and cheating.
Interestingly, this is a favorite defense of all authoritarians. They
always claim that if it benefits the "enemy", it is ok to suppress it. Stalin
had a concept of "objectively aiding the enemy" - it meant that maybe the
person was not a conscious traitor, but his/her actions helped the enemy
- and that was enough. Is Guardian and Clintons now marching down this road
of extreme "us versus them" ideology?
What's is next? Will Clintons ban Bernie from speaking because it would
"aid Trump"? (and by extension in their paranoid thinking, it would aid
"Clinton campaign manager Robby Mook said on Sunday that "experts are telling
us that Russian state actors broke into the DNC, stole these emails, [and
are] releasing these emails for the purpose of helping Donald Trump."
So the DNC is trying to Blame Russia for their own corrupt actions.
Another reason on the list as to why I won't be voting for Hillary. Why
did DNC act very anti-democratic?
A vote for Hillary is a vote for continued corruption.
Rather than blaming they ought to be taking responsibility for their own
words. But they'd have to be adults with integrity to do that. The tragedy
and travesty of it is the willful, routine, nonchalant effort to subvert
the Constitution and the will of the people. These kinds of machinations
have always gone on within both parties and should always be exposed. The
SuperPACS, the dark money, the secret maneuverings, the totally broken primary
system, all designed to stop our having our say. People elsewhere often
wonder about "our" choices for the White House. Now they can see how much
of that free choice has been wrested away over time, and how imperative
it is that we ordinary people start working on positive change within the
elective system. In my opinion all the DNC participants should lose their
jobs and be made to cool their heels in jail a while, because without consequences
we may as well just burn the Constitution and Bill of Rights right now and
be done with it, for all the respect these documents are given by our politicians.
What a revolting mess it all is on both sides, with ordinary people the
losers, as always.
There's no proof, besides an unsourced article in the Washington Post form
'security experts', that Russia had anything to do with this. What we do
know is that immediately after the leaks became public various news outlets
produced obviously planted hit pieces claiming some kind of collusion between
the Trump campaign and Putin, and again with precisely zero evidence as
back up. It's gob smacking that the Clinton campaign would risk an international
incident with a nuclear power to cover for their shitty behaviour, but then
again it's Hillary Clinton so perhaps not.
A big part of the problem is that Debbie Wasserman Schultz (DWS) is still
in her position. If the Democratic Party place a value on performance, she
should have been fired after the 2014 mid-terms.
Part of the problem is that the DNC is too closely aligned with the interests
of one political family. Competence and other considerations count for a
lot less than loyalty. DWS kept her position because of the ties to Clinton
and Clintons donors, not because she did a good job and grew the party.
The opposite has happened.
Frankly, Obama bears some degree of responsibility for this because he's
the one who canned Howard Dean, who actually had a track record of success
at winning elections and growing the party through two election cycles.
Instead Obama replaced him with a guy like Tim Kaine, who wasn't up to the
task either. Dean also did a good job of navigating the very difficult 2008
election. Kaine and DWS did poorly in the capacity as DNC Chair.
As president, Obama has done a lot right. But his neglect of the DNC
is part of his legacy, and it isn't a good one.
That's nice that those damn Russians 'stole' their email. However, those
damn Russians didn't write them. I dislike and distrust Hillary and DWS
more now that I did a week ago, and that takes some doing. Hillary is Nixon.
Paranoid. Dishonest. Devious.
Kaine is in the same boat as Clinton on the TPP - the Good Ship Hypocrite.
Both hope like hell that TPP gets passed in the lame duck so they can make
a show of being against it to gain some progressive cred. If Obama and his
colleagues Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan can't get TPP done before his term
ends, Clinton and Kaine's reservations re TPP will disappear faster than
a snowflake in July. It's like Clinton's about face on the Keystone pipeline
- she got a heads up from Obama that he wasn't going to approve it anyway,
so she came out against it.
Very true, and Hillary was happy to support the violent Honduras coup of
an elected government and still very much supports that new violent regime.
And the new regime is very friendly to western big corporate 'interests'.
Of course. Hillary is old-school.
Doesn't matter who did it, the Russians, Anonymous, Edward Snowden. The
point is that the DNC is revealed as partisan and rigged. In addition to
minimizing her role at the convention, I believe Wasserman Schultz should
be dumped from any position of leadership, along with other DNC leaders.
No wonder people are fed up with politics as usual.
"Clinton campaign manager Robby Mook said on Sunday that "experts are telling
us that Russian state actors broke into the DNC, stole these emails, [and
are] releasing these emails for the purpose of helping Donald Trump."
And Mook is the expert who whispered that lie in his own ear.
Great photo, Mook the Spook, her lover, a few bigtime aids. They got
caught like Nixon's plumbers at Watergate. So they would like to blame the
Russians for their writing calumnies and antiSemitic slanders against Sanders.
They look pretty stupid!
Mook said on Sunday that "experts are telling us that Russian state
actors broke into the DNC, stole these emails, [and are] releasing these
emails for the purpose of helping Donald Trump."
It may indeed be Russian hackers who gained access to the emails which confirm
the DNC was all along in the tank for Clinton, and was actively placing
a thumb on the scale from day one in the primary process.
Sanders knew it, and we as his supporters also knew it and made reference
to that very issue repeatedly in countless comment threads here at the Guardian
But the bottom line here is that if the DNC had not so conspired,
there would be no emails to leak, now would there?
For Mook and others to now be placing blame on the hackers, rather than
on those who produced the embarrassing material that the hackers exposed,
is diversionary and inexcusable.
The Clinton campaign is moving closer and closer to blowing this election
completely and allowing the most dangerous candidacy I've ever seen in my
lifetime actually win this thing.
They've already selected a VP pick which effectively thumbs their nose
at the very progressives whose enthusiasm they will need at the voting booths,
and now here they are trying to deflect blame for unconscionable skullduggery
in the primary process onto foreign actors.
Debbie Wassermann Schultz should have been fired long ago, so blatant and
obvious were her shenanigans.
This kind of tone-deaf ineptitude could see all of us paying an unimaginable
price in November. All it will take at this point is a few more mass shootings
(at which we here in the US have a particular talent) to feed into Trump's
narrative and we'll all be waking up in January in a country we don't even
The funniest thing is, they don't even deny the authenticity of the
emails. Basically, DNC says that someone is guilty of revealing the truth.
You can hardly stoop any lower. Blaming Russia is just a cherry on the cake.
Just saw Bernie on CNN basically saying the Nr1 priority is to defeat D.
Trump, then keep fighting the good fight from within the Democratic Party
trying to reform it from within.
A big thing he misses here that the top honcho Mrs Hillary Clinton is one
of the main reasons of what the Democratic Party has become. She will be
a huge obstruction to anything resembling reform. You might as well pack
up and go 3rd party and show the Dems that way what American voters want.
4 years of Trump might actually be a lot better to shake up the corrupt
DNC then 4-8 years of Hillary and who knows how many years of Republicans
2 follow (and believe me, Hillary will do a lot of damage to the democratic
If they'd backed off, allowed their MSM protectors to bury the story, this
whole thing would have died down in a week. A few angry Bernie Bros notwithstanding
there's nothing in the emails that we didn't know already. Yes the DNC and
the Hillary Clinton campaign were one and the same....shock! Yes sections
of the corporate owned media are colluding with the Democratic Party....wowsers!!
But no, they couldn't help themselves. Now we've got the Democratic nominee
for the Presidency alleging, with zero proof, that her opponent is engaged
in a conspiracy to commit criminal acts with a foreign power! Seriously
who thought this was a good idea?
My biggest issue with Hillary from the start has been her continued nonchalance
when it comes to matters of national security. She acts as if she is above
the need to keep sensitive information safe from potential enemies, both
foreign and domestic. That's a pretty scary attitude coming from someone
who is likely to be this nation's next leader.
Putin ate my homework (TM). What Debbie and the gang did is worse, much worse than this sorry article
tries to portray. For example, what sort of Democratic Party tries to use Bearnie's religion
agsinst him ?!?
".....Several of the emails released indicate that the officials, including
Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz, grew increasingly agitated with Clinton's
rival, Bernie Sanders, and his campaign as the primary season advanced,
in one instance even floating bringing up Sanders' religion to try and minimize
****"It might may [sic] no difference, but for KY and WA can we get someone
to ask his belief," Brad Marshall, CFO of DNC, wrote in an email on May
5, 2016. "Does he believe in God. He had skated on saying he has a Jewish
I read he is an atheist. This could make several points difference with
my peeps. My southern baptist peeps woudl draw a big difference between
a Jew and an atheist."****
"Amy Dacey, CEO of the DNC, subsequently responded "AMEN," according
to the email"
The more interesting part is that this blame is just a distraction from
the larger issue, that the entire political system is corrupted and broken.
This is just business as usual, only this instance was revealed.
Has anyone here worked, I mean truly worked in the pre-election process,
behind the scenes, witnessing the dirty business that is gathering electoral
votes during caucuses and primaries? It is a total sham. It is where under-the-table
deals are made for promised loyalties to certain candidates, where those
that have the most, bribe others to vote a certain way, where quid pro quo
rules over democracy or a candidates stance on issues and/or policies. It
is where future cabinet positions are secured, based on allegiance to party
hierarchy and strong-arming. Your vote means nothing, only a small select
group determines candidates, and ultimately the president.
DNC Chair Wasserman is just one cog in a massive political machine, one
run rampantly out of control. And this happens on both sides, among both
parties. It is where the personal selfish love of money, power, and fame
outstrip the will of the people.
Long live hackers for keeping a check on an obviously corrupted system.
The mainstream media isn't doing their jobs anymore, someone has to. The
media have merely become the pretorian band for the super class, those elite
that truly control this country from behind the scenes, pulling the puppet
strings attached to the soulless politicians.
We are again presented with two candidates whom have each proven their
desire to negate the will of the nation, for purely selfish reasons. Neither
is truly qualified for this office.
"There is danger from all men. The only maxim of a free government ought
to trust no [hu]man living with the power to endanger the public liberty".
"Only a virtuous people are capable of freedom. As nations become more
corrupt and vicious, they have more need of masters"
Is that Huma in a blue dress under the Resolute desk?
Pairadimes d Here2Go •Aug 27, 2016 9:14 PM
Ramirez is a genius.
zeronetwork d debtor of last resort •Aug 27, 2016 8:15 PM
The thought process Donald has started is not going to fade very soon. Still
few weeks before election. I am sure Donald got some more cards in his sleeve.
are we there yet •Aug 27, 2016 8:36 PM
I have a solution for Hillary's in-continuance and mobility declining problems.
The chair behind the presidents desk should be a wheelchair with a bedpan.
Otherwise the term 'campaign trail' will take on a whole new meaning.
During a campaign rally in Nevada, US presidential candidate Hillary Clinton spoke about the
dangers of right-wing forces in power, as well as about problems of racism.
"Clinton noted that her rival Donald Trump supported the policies of Russian President Vladimir
Putin. As for relations with Russia, the views of Donald Trump come contrary to the views of all
American presidents, from "Truman to Reagan."
"He talks casually of abandoning our NATO allies, recognizing Russia's annexation of Crimea,
giving the Kremlin a free hand in eastern Europe. American presidents from Truman, to Reagan,
to Bush, to Clinton, to Obama have rejected the kind of approach Trump is taking on Russia. And
we should, too," Clinton said.
"Vladimir Putin is the grand-godfather of this global brand of extreme nationalism.", Hillary
Clinton said, (while standing in front of a gigantic American Flag, without a trace of Irony detectable
in her voice).
Posted by: Shillary | Aug 26, 2016 5:22:34 PM | 50
Yep. Dangerously stupid.
Superficial and self-absorbed Hollywoodishness; the polar opposite of self-aware.
Shillary @50 -- Hillary Clinton is completely devoid of any sense of irony or humour. She's a
complete emotional and, I would add, intellectual dud. She seems to be a good lawyer, though ---
in the US lawyers as far as the eye can see.
[Aug 27, 2016] "Oh, so you don't have soul either?!
Hillary has also stated publicly that "Putin has no soul" (to which
Putin replied "at least I have a brain):
titled "Hillary Clinton's Liberal Elite Summer Tour," begins with an image of an airplane bearing
Clinton's logo. A voiceover resembling an announcement from a flight attendant names some of the
stops on Clinton's schedule, including Los Angeles, Beverly Hills and Martha's Vineyard.
"Please use caution in opening the overhead bins, as Hillary's baggage may have shifted during
flight," the "flight attendant" says as the ad ends.
Clinton spent her weekend on Martha's Vineyard and held a fundraiser in Nantucket. On Tuesday,
Clinton is headlining a $33,400-per-guest event being hosted by Justin Timberlake and his wife, actress
"Hillary Clinton claims she's running to be a champion for 'everyday Americans,' but her busy
week of fundraisers with her friends in the wealthy liberal elite show who she's really fighting
for," RNC Chairman Reince Priebus said in a statement. "Rather than visit flood-ravaged Louisiana
or end her more than 250-day streak without a press conference, she's taking her private jet from
coast to coast raking in piles of campaign cash to fund her status quo campaign.
"Donald Trump is the candidate of true change in this election, and he is leading a grassroots
movement to put an end to business as usual in Washington and make a difference in the lives of all
NBC news poll
shows that 72 percent of registered Republicans still aren't
sure whether Barack Obama was born in the United States. It wasn't clear from
the poll data how many Republicans consider Hawai'i part of the US. Let's cut
them a break and assume that most of them recognize the legitimacy of the
Islands of Aloha.
I'm a little sympathetic to their theory. In fact, I'm "all in" for a US
President who was secretly born on the African continent. But don't you think
the Kenyans could have come up with a better plant than Obama?
I wonder for how many of them Slick Willie was a patron ;-).
"... According to the National Task Force on Prostitution , it's estimated that well over 1 million people in the U.S. have worked as prostitutes - or roughly 1 percent of American women. If this campaign is a success, that could translate into some serious voting power. ..."
"Everyday Americans need a champion," Hillary Clinton proclaimed in her
YouTube video. "And I want to be that champion."
Yes, few were surprised when Hilary Clinton announced her campaign for
the 2016 U.S. presidential race, but many were surprised by some of her
early supporters. Since that announcement, the lovable ladies of Nevada's
renowned Moonlite Bunny Ranch have come out in support of our former first
lady in a serious, potentially large-scale campaign called "Hookers for
Hillary." These Everyday Americans have chosen their candidate.
... ... ...
Bunny Ranch owner Dennis Hof agrees. "With Obamacare the girls were able
to buy good health insurance and without it they weren't able to. Since
Day One when I bought the brothel in 1992 no legal prostitute could get
health insurance," says Hof.
the National Task Force on Prostitution, it's estimated that well over
1 million people in the U.S. have worked as prostitutes - or roughly 1 percent
of American women. If this campaign is a success, that could translate into
some serious voting power.
The following is a leaked transcript of Hillary Clinton's first speech to Goldman Sachs delivered
on 6/04/2013. Two other speeches are also rumored to be in circulation awaiting publication.
This is the full transcript. Secretary Clinton received $225,000 for this speech. The speech has
not been confirmed or authenticated.
CLINTON: Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you
very much, Lloyd [Blankfein], and thanks to everyone at Goldman Sachs for welcoming me today. I'm
delighted to be back among friends, colleagues, collaborators, supporters, kindred spirits…
Let me jump right in. You know, over the past few months, there have been popular concerns about
an economy that still isn't delivering for the majority of Americans. It's not "delivering" the way
that they feel it should, that they feel entitled to. Most Americans that you speak to, speak a populist
rhetoric that claims it is stacked for those at the top, that those of you here have it too good.
But we know the hopes that the little people have for their future - things like school, job,
food, clothing on their backs– all of those little things would not be possible without your leadership
and innovation. Since the time of the Medicis, even before, and the financing of the first joint
stock companies in the transatlantic slave trade, we know that finance and banking is what makes
capitalist economy not just grow but tick…
Previous generations of Americans built this economy and a middle class on a collective illusion:
that they do productive work, this creates wealth, and that this builds the economy. We all know
how misguided that is. We know that it's really due to your investing, credit, and economic stewardship,
that they have been able to work at all, that they are able to put food on their tables. It's due
to you and other banking, trading, investment houses that we have an economy that works at all. You
are why we are a truly 21st century economic power.
You, Lloyd, and your colleagues, have been instrumental in that. People say you are overpaid or
even parasitic, parasites on the economic body, and they quote a long line of seemingly "unethical
behavior". They equate with you everything that is wrong and immoral with Capitalism, they charge
that you have acted ruthlessly and unethically, "rigging every major market bubble since the Great
But I-contrary to populist, hysterical demonizing–firmly believe that what you do is essential
and critical: you help allocate our investment, direct our economic development, hedge risks, and
create power, policies, and alliances in ways that make our country stronger, richer, more powerful,
more innovative, competitive, and yes, more "democratic". You underwrite our elections and our political
process-taking on the huge cost of enabling democratic dialogue at its biggest, broadest capacity.
Your tireless work adds true value, and without you, we would still be struggling helplessly against
industrial powerhouses in Asia and across the world trying to compete with them on the level of industry,
technology, innovation, and hard work, at which they would beat us hands down. It's your financial
innovation, your speculative tools, which allow us new ways of creating value without sweat or struggle,
that gives us the competitive advantage. It's this vision, this technological innovation, this financial
wizardry, this is what makes America great and powerful.
For decades, people have argued that if we give more wealth to those at top by cutting taxes and
letting you and other corporations write the own rules, it will trickle down, it will trickle down
to everyone else. And it has! My speech here is an example!
(Cackles, Waves Check)
But seriously, I believe that the work of
Goldman Sachs is critical for us, and without you, America would be a faint shadow of its current
greatness. Your work in innovating finance, in creating new sources of wealth and investment, your
tireless efforts stimulating the creation of new financial instruments, in lobbying politicians,
in monopolizing the treasury and cabinet, in setting and binding the parameters of financial regulation
that allows fluidity and flexibility in investment and speculation, this allows us to create wealth-almost
out of thin air. It's this alchemy, this genius, this Midas touch-which is one of the most under-appreciated
and under-acknowledged contributions in modern economic history.
It's fair to say that you have transformed the solid, clunky, friction-laiden trading of traditional
commodity speculation into responsive, intelligent, liquid flows, that have vaporized every barrier
and transformed into an expansive, responsive, endlessly expanding gas that fills every atom of our
productive economic space that generates immeasurable value everywhere it goes, and everything it
touches. Who cares that it's a little chaotic or "unethical"? That it seems tied to every financial
scandal and crisis and economic catastrophe in history? Not me. "Creative Destruction" is all part
of the game, and you are masters of it.
Some will say that you are simply parasitic on those who labor at menial physical production-these
are people who still subscribe to 18 Century notions of value production–and that you skim off profit
without doing anything meaningful or of value. Those people are misguided: we know that if money
never sleeps, that's because you keep it awake! You have-if I may use a metaphor–injected money with
caffeine, Adderal, crack, meth, with LSD so that it can dance the crazy dance and grow a crazy thousand
psychedelic feet tall in a rainbow minute! Money was a lazy b*tch, until you put it to
work! And look how it works! Look how it grows! Materializes out of nowhere!
(Waves check again, dances, cackles).
Some people have said that it was your irresponsible financial engineering, risk-taking, and profit-seeking,
that led to the 2008 crash; that you shorted your own toxic mortgages in the most brazen securities
fraud in financial history, dynamiting and imploding the global economy; and that the exorbitant
bonuses paid from tax payer money, the financial bailouts, the non-prosecutions created moral hazard,
rewarded avarice, incompetence, corruption and vice. You and I know it is nothing of the sort. As
leaders, innovators, captains of finance, you will always be subject of the jealous resentment, the
petty tantrums of the unwashed masses, the insolvent, the irresponsible, the invidious, the losers.
They will envy you, your successes, they will despise you, but they secretly want to be like you!
As you know, my husband tried very hard to change the culture of this misbegotten underclass,
by kicking them off the government teat, by poisoning their milk with harsh, bitter regulation, and
by disciplining them with the most arbitrary, racist, punitive, devastating criminal laws in US history,
laws which Richard Nixon, the Southern strategists, the slave catchers, could only have dreamed of.
He also passed NAFTA, which told them in no uncertain terms that they needed to discipline themselves
as workers, and learn to be competitive in the global sweatshop, or face certain extinction. But
they have not learned their lesson.
The effects prove themself. Under President Clinton - I like the sound of that!- America saw the
longest, most prodigious reaming of the undesirable classes in our history, putting them firmly in
their places. And they loved it! He felt their pain! And relished it! Because he was inflicting it!
And I will too!
Now today - today, another capitalist crisis looms, bigger and more dangerous than 2008, and again
we hear sentimental cries for populist reform. I believe we have to stave off these demands to reform
the banking and the financial system, and restructure the economy more equitably. You can't build
an economy without the smart people-the Titans and Gods of Finance-like you–to direct the economy,
and for the smart people to do their work, you need to be rewarded for your efforts, and you need
a free hand to exercise your brilliance.
Books like "The Spirit Level" and organizations working for equality, certain politicians, spew a
ridiculous myth of populism and the benefits of equality. But the fact is, we can't create profitable
businesses without exploitation, and we can't grow the economy without speculation and inequality,
and we certainly can't boost our economy into the stratosphere without allowing you to exercise your
amazing financial intelligence and acumen in fiscal number-crunching, speculation, numbers-running
Just think of this: can you imagine a football game without gambling? It would be dull, mind-numbing-who
would watch steroid-addled jocks rut and slam into each other mindlessly without having put down
money on the outcome? Who would pay the huge salaries for these vapid idiots? It's only because you
have bet on the outcome that people become excited about the sport: it becomes life-and-death-thrilling!
It becomes paint-your-face-get-shit-faced exciting! Act-stupid-exciting! That's what you do: you
add excitement, thrill, value, and enthusiasm to the dull, dirty job of growing the economy, you
make the game exciting, sexy, which draws more money into the game, the casino, that expands the
excitement, grows the customer base, develops the economy, and that's priceless! You speculate, stimulate,
titillate, dynamize, satyriasize the entire economy! I am such a fan! Go Goldman Sachs!
(Does little cheerleading number, complete with hand gestures)
Let's tell the truth: America is struggling-despite the endless fabrication about "the recovery"–
because we are not yet running the way we should. Banks are still over regulated. It's over-regulation
that creates financial catastrophe! Despite your huge paychecks and squirreled away assets, I know
that you are worried: worried that some "socialist" demagogue might come along and confiscate it
all and put you all in jail. With president Obama, you were in good hands: he's one of us. (Good
thing you ponied up $981K for his campaign). He took good care of you, had your back, covered your
financial rear. But populist sentiment is rising up again, more strongly than before, and the unwashed
masses are full of resentment, anger, jealousy. They are angry that they don't have jobs, that they
are in debt, that they can't scrape a living together, even though they are working, 2,3,4 jobs to
put shelter over their heads. That their children are starving. That they cannot see a light at the
end of the tunnel. They are angry about the 100 million people driven into the brink of starvation
and the global food riots that they claim you caused with your commodity futures speculation. The
$5Trillion of value lost from the markets that they claim you collapsed. The millions who lost their
homes and are now on the verge of homelessness. The trillions funneled to you in loans, write-offs,
bribes to keep the system going. Even when I was working for Barry (Goldwater), I felt that same
irrational resentment. Now it's at an all time high. Irresponsible single mothers, uneducated immigrants,
lead-drinking ghetto-strutters, homeless, crying, babies, starving senior citizens, obnoxious, entitled
African Americans who object to having bullets pumped into their bodies by police: all these people
are angry, entitled, and making noise, and they are endangering our democracy and economy, our greatness.
I hear this everywhere I go. A single mother, with three children-wants to go to college, find
enjoyable, well-paid work and also enjoy the emotional luxuries of motherhood-all at the same time.
Everyone feels entitled to everything. She even wants housing. Now even I couldn't do all these things,
despite my incredible privilege and intelligence. But they want it all, now. Three children?
A grandmother, playing with children-it makes her happy like a cow, but she still feels entitled
to be paid. Because she wants to feed her drug habit, she wants to sell them for more money….she
wants it all!
A student, with an unmarketable degree in women's studies, specializing in medieval feminist villanelles,
wants debt forgiveness, and a high-paid job putting her non-existent skills analyzing romance language
texts to use and profit in a rewarding cause. She also wants a pony, a sensitive but dominant lover,
a villa on the Riviera, and World Peace!
Millions of working sad-sack Americans have similar fantasies. They want more money.
More pay. Decent wages for hard work. They think it grows on trees. They think that money will grow
and nuzzle up to them in their sleep, when they have no money-appeal. They think they can tax Other
People's Money to get what they want. They don't realize Money has to be jacked up the ass, stuck
in the veins with meth, dragged out and pimped to make more! You have figured out how to make your
money work, turned it into a profit-generating prostitute! The future expected earnings of
a profit-generating prostitute! That you've shorted! These people, idiots, all of them, they expect
money to come to them! Without Scheming! Without reaming others! By working hard and being good!
Like puppies and ponies! Like flowers after a downpour! Like the lilies of the valley! Like
utopian visions of a drug-addled socialist!
Wages need to be kept down, and people just need to work harder. Damn harder. At least as hard
as Bill worked to keep Haiti down.
We must lower incomes for low-value working schmucks, so they give up on any notions of a middle-class
life. But more than that, we must reduce the slick, unsustainable bigotry of expectation: the profit-sucking
cage of entitlement, expectation, and imagination. We must drive income down steadily and siphon
that surplus wealth to you, the captains of finance, so that we can build a strong economy that is
innovative, powerful, that acknowledges and rewards your acumen…
And that will be my mission, from the first day I am president to the last. I…
I will get up every day thinking about you, the hard-working Wizards of Finance, Lords of Capital,
Economic Giants of Innovation, Noble Titans that make us strong and powerful!
I came from a petit-bourgeois family with a drapery business that exploited workers to give me
good middle-class life, a first-class education, and my incorrigibly elitist beliefs. It put me on
third base, instead of striking out. As I try to steal home, I will be thinking about all the Wall
Street bankers that I represented in New York and the "advice" that they gave me, and I will work
with them-for you– to give them the maximum freedom to do what's best for them. Because what's best
for Wall Street is what's best for the US. What's best for Goldman Sachs is what's best for the planet.
I promise to take on this challenge against the clamoring, whining, agitating babies demanding for
major changes in our economy and the global economy, demanding for equity and justice. These demands
are stupid beyond belief.
As you know, advances in financial technology and global trade have created new areas of commercial
activity and opened new markets for our exports. Too often policy wonks want to resort to protectionist
measures because they don't realize that these treaties are designed to suck wealth out of the third
world and suck it into your portfolios. These people suffer from a lack of big-picture thinking.
They believe that they are still going to be building widgets in a factory if it were not for the
1 billion Chinese stealing their jobs. They don't understand that we are sucking the lifeblood out
of both of the Chinese and all workers-the vampire squid with the blood funnel-creating value, wealth,
Today's marketplace focuses on the short-term, instantaneous financial trading, and short-term
earnings reports, and that's just how it should be. Those who are struggling need to rent out their
living rooms, garages, bathrooms, dog houses, sell trinkets on EBay, sell themselves, their time
and their bodies in the gig economy. All of this creates exciting, dynamic extra wealth, which should
go to you, the geniuses of the universe, because you are the ones driving this with your investments,
speculations, deregulation, policy capture, and of course outright bribes. There's no problem that
a little more liberalization and deregulation can't make better!
This week it's the Democrats, with their tired-looking cast-members repeating lines that
sounded hokey the first time in between guest appearances by beloved celebrities all hoping the
networks won't cancel. They've got the script and they've got the stars, but they're still trying
to find the right narrative arc, because the American public's disbelief is rapidly losing
suspension. This is not politics, not as I know it at home. This is something else. This is
There is a certain look that I've been sharing with other visiting foreign journalists this week
and it is just that - a look, sometimes with the hands spread in a horrified half shrug, because
sometimes there are just no words, even when there have to be, you know, because that's how we
How to possibly express the choreographed insanity of this brassy, breadless circus? How are we
meant to actually communicate like human beings when we are trapped here, sweating on the floor
of the dream factory as they hand out buttons and baseball caps plastered with empty slogans? It
reminds me, more than anything else, of a music festival, down to the overpriced snacks, the
complicated entry system, the constant impression that the weather is trying to kill you, and the
way that normal rules are suspended as we pretend, briefly, that another world is possible.
Specifically, world where the political process is simple and unsaleable, and strong leaders can
change things for the better. A world where hope is feasible and our votes matter and we all go,
as Philip Larkin once said, down the long slide to happiness, endlessly.
... ... ...
This is not practical politics. This is pure pageantry, pure mythmaking in a nation that has
always survived by singing a song of itself. A nation of three hundred million souls and half a
billion guns torn apart by violence and uncertainty, held together by pomp and circumstance and
precious little else. What is on show at the conventions is very different from the politics that
exist, day to day, month to month, as a material force in people's material lives. The
conventions are a bubble universe where we all, press and public and PR people and random
rain-soaked flunkies, try to float on suspension-strings of disbelief. We know we're being lied
to. Those complaining about the lies have missed the point.
... ... ...
Here's the story the Democrats are selling. They cannot persuade America, or the world, that
liberalism is plausible, that change will come in a way that makes a meaningful difference to
millions of lives; what they are offering, in practical terms, is the vestige of democracy
against the certainty of dictatorship. They are offering things not getting quite so much worse
quite so fast. That's a hard sell.
I'm Hillary goddamn Clinton. I'm a political prodigy, have been since I was 16. I have an insane
network of powerful friends. I'm willing to spend the next eight years catching shit on all sides,
all so I can fix this fucking country for you. And all you little bitches need to do is get off your
asses one goddamn day in November.
"Oh but what about your eeeemaaaaillls???" Shut the fuck up. Seriously, shut the fuck up and listen
for one fucking second...
But you know what? I don't fucking care. If I gave two shits about the haters I would've dropped
the game decades ago.
A Hillary Clinton parody account on Medium wrote what the real Hillary Clinton has wanted to say
for a long time in an article titled "Let
Me Remind You Fuckers Who I Am." Here's a sample:
What the fuck is your problem, America??
I'm Hillary goddamn Clinton. I'm a political prodigy, have been since I was 16. I have an insane
network of powerful friends. I'm willing to spend the next eight years catching shit on all sides,
all so I can fix this fucking country for you. And all you little bitches need to do is get off
your asses one goddamn day in November.
"Oh but what about your eeeemaaaaillls???" Shut the fuck up. Seriously, shut the fuck up and
listen for one fucking second.
Here's all you need to know about me:
1. In 1992, I said I was proud to have followed my career instead of baking cookies.
US Ambassador to Russia John Tefft it was real pain to wake up this morning. A horrible headache,
dry mouse and feeling like a herd of frightened wild Mustangs run over him...
He suddenly remembered that the last evening everything looked so well: after coming home from the Bolshoi theater,
he drank just four shots of whiskey, looked for a while out his window on evening Moscow streets,
and then went to bed with a sense of duty well performed.
However, at 2 a.m. Tefft was awakened by a phone call on closed government line. It was Secretary
of State John Kerry, who unfortunately managed to broke his leg a few days before while skiing,
and now was forced to pay more attention to his regular duties. In the way he greeted him
John instantly recognized a hidden mocking
, beneath which was hidden the real irritation. Which happened recently more and more often...
-- Listen Tefft, are you feeling all right to be Moscow?, and Tefft immediately felt in the voice
of his boss signs of a real storm.
"I think," Kerry decided to answered the question himself, " that you feel bad, if not very bad... As I was told that you've gained as much as two kilograms in three months..."
Tefft realized that he has just two options: either to answer these rhetorical questions, or continue
to listen and hope to wait out this storm. The Ambassador chose the latter.
Meanwhile Kerry continued:
-- I get the impression that you became a complete slacker. Look at Jeffrey Payette in Ukraine.
That's an example of a real diplomat. And unlike you he did managed to organized a coup d'état the last year? Beautiful job -- And
then pushed for civil war in Eastern Ukraine. Can you match any of those achievements Tefft? Of course, I understand
that prior to 2013, it was you, who prepared the ground for all this in Ukraine, but it was Jeffrey who got
Tefft continued to be humbly silent, and Kerry became even hotter:
-- BTW do you remember that you main task was to organize mass protests in Russia and unite the
opposition movement under strong leaders, which can assume the power. That's why we send you to this country. Where are
the results, I ask you? Where is the democratization of Russia? Why you just wasting money of American taxpayers? Why there are zero result
so far, I ask you ?
When we realize that it's really difficult to stage mass protests in Moscow, you were instructed to organize the
triumphal sequence of mass protests in other major cities of Russia. Money were allocated
accordingly. And what came of it? What did you achieve so far?
Tefft attempted to insert a word in the speech of the Secretary of State:
-- Look, John, everything work according to plan, all allocated funds are already transferred
to our recipients and supporters...
-- You are joking , -- immediately interrupted Kerry -- I understand that they got money.
But it looks like that was it... For example important for us "Lustration" movement died out
on the wine
After that Tefft heard some strange sounds in the tube probably belonging to a woman. He assumed that it was
iether Hillary or Victoria Nuland, who entered
-- And what about complete fiasco with he visit of Kasyanov to Novosibirsk? -- it was clear that
Kerry suddenly became more vicious -- "You should probably know that we paid for at least
ten thousands of opponents of the current Russian regime to meet him. Where were they?
-- And Kasyanov himself... Oh my God -- Even by his appearance it's clear that he had it enough,
and the only thing he wants is to return to Moscow. Were was his fighting sprit for which we pay
so much money? And what nonsense was he was blabbing? He was giver the script. Can he read?
Why his only praise Novosibirsk was like: "The roads here are just as bad. And the faces in
residents are even more sullen then in Moscow..."? And this man wants people to vote for him,
right ? He came, he was kicked in the teeth and he left without a fight... A great leader of
protest movement, nothing to say... Why he did not speak about brilliant perspectives of Russia in
case of victory of the RPR - Parnas? After all Ukrainians did believed that they will have a bright
future together with the EU and NATO? Do you think they are much dumber then Siberians? And
why he begin to complain about the rake, which somebody threw under his car back in 2008 and
pretend that this was an attempt on his life. He was in the armored car, this idiot!
-- Enough is enough.. Tell Kasyanov to get another round of training ASAP and he should never
deviate from the taking points we wrote for him.. Now the principle of cooperation changes to: first
results - then money. No results, no money. Please convey this message to him.
-- and similar blunder with Alexei Navalny visit to Novosibirsk? We agreed and discussed that
after eggs stones will be used to hit him. Were all those pre-paid stones disappeared? What happened?
Why only eggs were used? Where are the stones, Tefft? I ask you again, where are all the prepaid
stones? Where are bruises and injuries on our hero? How we can present him as the victim of a brutal
regime without any injuries? How we can organize the outrage of the world community with just eggs.
This your blunder undermines our efforts in further tightening of sanctions against Russia...
-- John, -- timidly dared to say Tefft, -- everything was organized perfectly well. The only problem
was too heavy traffic and traffic jams in Novosibirsk. It was due to jams our guys did not get stones
-- Yes, but they got the money in time, right John? - sarcastically remarked Kerry, So please
shut up and just listen...
-- If you decided to promote Russian democratic opposition in Siberia then perform this competently
and effectively as you obviously can. Like you did in Western Ukraine, after all. And if you
are unable even to provide normal numbers of protesters, please at least submit fake photos
with thousands of Novosibirsk residents in the queue willing to vote for the opposition... Or I need
to explain to you how this is done?
-- And please ensure that the number opposition press reported were very close and multiplied
by at least ten. Not like in the last case when one source reported 1104 opposition voters
and the other reported 2580. Not only those numbers are just ridiculously small, they differ
from each other way too much!
And finally, why Novosibirsk leaders of newly united RPR-Parnas party already managed to quarrel among
themselves and started to accuse each other of massive fraud. Is this about who gets our money?
Greedy bustards. Please take care about this issue and explain those jerks how they should behave.
In short, Tefft, if you don't make right conclusions, we probably will soon transfer you
to some African country. The one were there are still cannibals... All the best."
After such a conversation Tefft quickly finished the bottle. A now
this gloomy Moscow morning is upon him again and something needs to be done with all this disappearing
and lying Russian opposition who like to take money but can't produce the desired results. He cursed
his job and opened the second the bottle of whisky.
"I am starting to behave like a real Russian"
he melancholically observed and poured the first short. He instantly felt better. And somewhat proud
about this idea about becoming Russian. He drunk the second shot and thought "F*$% Kerry, if you
sucker come here I will find some ketchup to greet you". Go to hell. And poured the third shot almost immediately.
20 years ago, America was very pleased about how the elections had gone in Russia
But now it is the other way around. At granny Hillary's HQ they have become so hysterical
over the topic "Russian is manipulating our elections and pushing for Trump" that even McFaul
has become indignant:
TECH SUPPORT: Hi, Secretary Clinton? I'm Liz, from tech support. Your assistant said that you needed
help getting Outlook on your phone?
SECRETARY OF STATE HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON: Oh, hi.
Great. Come on in.
TECH: This shouldn't take too long. Are you working on a Blackberry or an iPhone?
CLINTON: God, who knows. I have so many devices these days.
TECH: Really? How many?
TECH: That shouldn't be a problem. So let's get Outlook fired up here. O.K. Hmm. It looks like you haven't set
up an account yet?
CLINTON: I've been using my firstname.lastname@example.org address.
TECH: Most State Department employees prefer to use a state.gov address.
CLINTON: I don't know that I would describe my role here as "employee."
TECH: Right. Well, it's sort of a best-practice thing. We can make sure that all your correspondence is secure
this way, and it'll make it easier to comply with FOIA requests.
CLINTON: Why would there be a FOIA request?
TECH: You're right. There won't be. But I like to say you can never be too careful.
CLINTON: I guess. Liz, between you and me, I'm not really a big e-mailer. I pretty much only use it for stuff like
planning Chelsea's wedding and chatting with my yoga instructor about whether we should impose sanctions on Iran.
TECH: It's still good to get this set up. Go ahead and connect your device to the computer.
CLINTON: . . .
TECH: You can use that U.S.B. portal.
CLINTON: . . .
TECH: Here, it's just this cord. O.K., I'm noticing that you have a lot of documents just saved to your desktop.
It's really safer to save them directly on the State Department server.
CLINTON: I'll be sure to do that.
TECH: That way they're password-protected. And again, FOIA.
CLINTON: I'm less worried about that than you are.
TECH: You're the boss! O.K., next go to "Settings."
CLINTON: . . .
TECH: It looks like a little gear symbol.
CLINTON: Oh! There it is.
TECH: Then to go to "General."
CLINTON: . . .
TECH: . . .
CLINTON: . . .
TECH: It's down next to-
CLINTON: I got it, all right? Jesus.
TECH: Follow the prompt for e-mail.
CLINTON: I'm not seeing it.
TECH: It's right there next-
CLINTON: Please don't point. I'll never learn that way.
TECH: O.K., sorry. Keep scrolling.
CLINTON: Is it under Bluetooth? What is Bluetooth?
TECH: No, it's-
CLINTON: Do I need to be in Dropbox?
TECH: What? No. Just click e-mail.
CLINTON: Got it!
TECH: Great. Let's get you rolling with a username and a password. Feel free to really be creative here. Some people
use their pets' names, or the name of their high school.
CLINTON: How about just "password"?
TECH: That's sort of not ideal.
CLINTON: O.K., how about "Benghazi"?
TECH: Perfect. It's hard to spell and it doesn't have any special significance.
CLINTON: So I'm done?
TECH: Not quite, but we're close. Now input your username and password.
CLINTON: I am. It's not accepting "Benghazi."
TECH: Hmm. That's O.K. This is a known issue. Let's try "retrieve password."
CLINTON: I'm hitting it but nothing's happening.
TECH: Do you mind if I take over?
CLINTON: Fine. But I won't learn.
TECH: Here's the problem. It needs a number. Can we do a different password? Maybe "MrsPrez16"? That's good, right?
CLINTON: That's terrible, but I don't care.
TECH: Hey, Madam Secretary, I get that this is frustrating. Believe me. Just remember that we're on the same team
CLINTON: Sorry. UGH. I put in "MrsPrez16" and it's rejecting that too!
TECH: You know, it's probably because you're not using a trusted wifi network. O.K., go back to Settings.
CLINTON: You know what, I'm just going to stick with my personal account. No one is going to care.
TECH: You're probably right. Honestly, this system is so clunky; I've been forwarding stuff to my Gmail since 2006.
CLINTON: Can you get me set up with a Gmail?
TECH: I'm really not supposed to.
CLINTON: Fine. But while you're here, could you help me change my Facebook picture? I want to use this one.
TECH: Oh, nice! You look so badass texting while wearing sunglasses.
CLINTON: I know.
TECH: Meme alert!
TECH: Girl, I'll probably make that my profile picture, too. Or at least my Twitter avatar.
CLINTON: Please don't call me "girl."
TECH: It just makes you look like such a tech-savvy, feminist icon.
CLINTON: I am that.
TECH: Totally. O.K., here you go. It's all set. And don't worry about the e-mail thing.
Just reaching out again. Did you get my last few e-mails? Since you haven't replied, I worry that they might have ended up in
your spam folder. Do you know how to check that? I can have my campaign's digital director send you instructions. Anyway, I would
love to say hi, or grab coffee, or whatever, if you have time. I'm around. Just let me know when/where works for you! Have jet; will
... ... ...
What is going on?
I'm going fucking crazy over here. I think we both know that I've gone above and beyond to reach out to you and be your friend
and invite you to cool shit and just be there for you, but I feel like you're taking our relationship totally for granted. I saw
you donated fifty dollars after my last e-mail, but, honestly, that just made me feel used. I wish you'd never entered your e-mail
address into my campaign Listserv.
So I'm writing one last time to say Go to Hell, Bess. And please don't forget to text HRC to 33422016 to get real-time updates
from the trail!
As I was just driving home and worrying about all the stuff going on in my life, my family's lives, my friends' lives, and
what's happening in Washington, Moscow, Ukraine, the Middle East, Hillary Clinton's scandals, Jeb, Trump, Fox News, the downgrading
of our military, the terrorists infiltrating our border, the illegals, the refugees, and how our country is rapidly losing its
sanity and its Christianity, I saw a yard sign that said:
Out of curiosity and desperation, I called the number.
A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower.
Over the last six months, GOP leaders have watched helpless as the Republican presidential
race has transformed from the usual loveable farce into a terrifying prequel to Mad Max: Fury
Road as tangerine reality show host
Donald Trump gained, attained and retained frontrunner status. With only a few months left
before the Republican National Convention, party luminaries, bigwigs and eminences grises have
come up with a secret blueprint for how to stop the New York business mogul from becoming their
candidate. Exclusive to the Guardian, here is their 10-point plan:
Change the Republican party rules so that all presidential candidates must disclose the
length of their fingers prior to receiving the nomination. Trump will drop out of the race by
the end of the day.
Leave a trail of spray tan canisters and ground beef leading from the door of his
penthouse to a barge about to set off for the Far East.
Lure him into a space shuttle by telling him there's a photograph of his daughter Ivanka
in a bikini onboard and then blast him into orbit.
Attach a $5 bill to a greased pig's back and set it loose backstage before his next
campaign stop. He'll chase that thing until he's out of breath, and miss the speech, which,
due to his inhumanly hectic campaign schedule will have the cumulative knock-on effect of
making him miss the next day's speech, then the next morning's chummy appearance by telephone
with his pals on Morning Joe, then the next four primaries, and before you know it he's missed
the convention and is safely back to being an appalling but harmless reality TV star.
Force Trump to spend as much as five minutes with one of his own supporters.
Remind him that the White House executive residence is a paltry 55,000 square feet and
that presidents are constitutionally prohibited from painting it gold.
Invite Trump to a pool party and before he arrives glue a bunch of nickels to the bottom
of the deep end.
Invent time travel, go back to 2008, and stop ourselves from attacking the Obama
administration with the exact same vitriolic, divisive rhetoric that Trump picked up on and
has now ridden to his present position.
Stop sheepishly acquiescing to Trump's bluster and acting like he isn't a despicable
racist monster in hopes that it's not too late to prevent the complete collapse of society.
Change election procedure so that the remaining delegates must pledge their support to
whichever nominee scores highest on a seventh grade vocabulary test. Unfortunately this will
probably give the edge to college debate champ Ted Cruz, an opportunistic, bigoted liar whose
vision for America is a theocracy engaged in an apocalyptic war against Islam run by a man who
looks like Dracula's fat cousin smugly eating a sour candy he received as a prize for
tattling. But you can't have everything.
Donald Trump answers the question 'what is 2+2?': "I have to say a lot of people
have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me, and
they ask me. They say, 'What's 2+2'? And I tell them, look, we know what 2+2
We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of math you can imagine.
Oh, my God, I can't believe it. Addition and subtraction of the 1s the 2s and
the 3s. It's terrible. It's just terrible. Look, if you want to know what 2+2
is, do you want to know what 2+2 is? I'll tell you. First of all the number
2, by the way, I love the number 2. It's probably my favorite number, no it
is my favorite number. You know what, it's probably more like the number two
but with a lot of zeros behind it. A lot. If I'm being honest, I mean, if I'm
being honest. I like a lot of zeros.
Except for Marco Rubio, now he's a zero that I don't like. Though, I probably
shouldn't say that. He's a nice guy, but he's like, '10101000101,' on and on,
like that. He's like a computer! You know what I mean? He's like a computer.
I don't know. I mean, you know. So, we have all these numbers, and we can add
them and subtract them and add them. TIMES them even. Did you know that?
We can times them OR divide them, they don't tell you that, and I'll tell
you, no one is better at the order of operations than me. You wouldn't believe
it. So, we're gonna be the best on 2+2, believe me."
Sean Anthony Dylan , 2016-03-08 17:42:31
Priceless! Next stop, Saturday Night Live or similar.
[Feb 21, 2016] An historic breakthrough for robot rights.
A real dark night of the soul tonight for Jeb!.He sits on the couch in his hotel room, drinking straight out of a bottle of Glenfiddich,
after crawling around on his hands and knees for an hour in a fruitless search for one of his brand new contact lenses. He finally
gives up on that and sits, with vision in only one eye, with the lights turned down low and the television with a smashed screen.
He stares at the copy of "The Art of the Deal" on the coffee table, the book a gag gift from W. The phone rings. "Yeah, mom, I
know. It doesn't look good. What am I going to tell the money people? You know, the thing that really gets to me is that I was
the only one to stand up to Trump, the only one with the balls to go after that son of a bitch. Marco? That slime ball really
did a number on me. I'm going to call him up right now and tell him to bring that sword I gave him over here and just stab me
in the back. I got that Terri Schiavo law passed to save her life. I wish somebody would pass a law to keep my candidacy on life
support. Do you think if Chris Christie got back in the race he'd be willing to take on Trump at the next debate? Yeah…probably
not." He takes a long pull from the bottle. "Yeah, mom, I know W did all he could. But it wasn't enough. The shock and awe didn't
happen for me tonight. There was no freakin' mission accomplished, except I look like a loser. Maybe Trump was right.The kids
and their mom aren't here, I can't put them on the phone. Their mom didn't want the kids to see me like this so they got a different
room. What am I going to do? Well, first I'm gonna take me another little bitty drinkee-poo from this here bottle."
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