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Politically Incorrect Humor bulletin, 2013

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[Dec 16, 2013] Only Orwell and Pelevin and able to explain Ukranian Maidan

Dec 15, 2013 | House of Sergant Pavlov

What is a " peaceful protest ", ie spell come in large numbers from Pindostan organizers or other coup supporters in a surreal state?

This Orwellian principles according to the " truth - it's a lie ," "World - this is war ," etc. Let's assume that protesters captured the New York City Hall. In a peaceful, naturally way. Which is a lie, or more correctly - an oxymoron.

Now let's assume that the American special forces are not allowed to throw out rebels and let officials in their offices in order to manage the municipal economy. Transport, running water, etc.

Now let's assume that all U.S. media with the exception spit on and redicult Bloomberg when he tried to remove from the city Hall a bunch of comfortably feeling thier Republican homeless. Which are constantly dumped from the other states sympathetic to Republicans. And those state provide them with instructions - what they should do .

And how Democrat Obama reacts to the the situation of thousand of provincial Rednecks delivered by buses from the most loyal Republicans states to the City Hall? Of course, the first thing to do for him is to fire Bloomberg, Who betrayed his confidence . Well, if he was expelled from City Hall. Never mind that at this time he was trying to organize at least some of the economic life of the city offices prefectures. Bloomberg is a convenient scapegoat.

Meanwhile, on Wall Street Republican rural people from Colorado Springs organizes five-meter barricades of shit, enclosed by barbed wire. On Broadway Avenue , on Wall Street , etc. In the format of " peaceful protest ." How it can be otherwise? After all Obama did not signed important international agreement. That's why Rednecks protest.

Obama is now deeply ashamed. He is ready to betray everybody and dismiss Bloomberg , and the CIA and the FBI. And all his Democratic Party. Just to remain the president.

At rallies he is mocked by visiting senators and deputies from Holland, Germany , Burkina Faso and others. Many outstanding historical personality come to help protesters.

Against the wall Obama gives the order to punish all his FBI and others three letter agencies . And of couse to create a monument to all this nasty crowd around City Hall, who is defecating directly on the streets. Monument is planned in the form of a five-meter bronze barricades. And still he will be overthrow the next day.

Yes. That allegory demoxtrates pretty clearly that Yanukovych is absolutely fine character, with the only problem that self-esteem is not known to him, but self preservation does. He does not feel the pulse of history . And , most importantly, he betrayed and betraying his own supporters. It is unlikely that such a policy has a future.

The American Way of Manners

Col. Manners Answers Your Questions on the Etiquette of War, Nuclear Threats, and Surveillance

By Colonel Manners (with a helping hand from Tom Engelhardt)

[Editor’s Note: Many publications have advice columnists, but none has our old friend Colonel Manners (ret.), whose experience in military and surveillance matters is evident from his impressive CV (unfortunately, a classified document). His assignment: to answer questions from Americans puzzled by the abstruse intricacies of the American way of war and by the etiquette, manners, and language of the arcane national security world of Washington. Here is a sampling of his recent correspondence.]

Dear Col. Manners,

I’m a 17-year-old high school student with an interest in American records. After college, I’m hoping to land a job with Guinness World Records. So here’s my question: I notice that news reports regularly refer to the Afghan War as the “longest in American history.” How is that possible? The war began in October 2001 and it’s now December 2013. Counting on my fingers, I get 12 years. The Vietnam War began in 1961 and didn’t end until 1975 (with those famous images of helicopters going over the side of an aircraft carrier). That’s 14 years by my count. I’m proud of American records of every sort, but this doesn’t seem like one. What am I doing wrong?

Proud in Toledo

Dear Proud,

You have a lot to be proud of and, as far as I can tell, you have just the right number of fingers. It’s true that, historically, we’ve been numero uno among record-breaking countries. Still, sometimes we get a little overeager. This is one of those cases. Clearly, those claiming the much desired “longest” title for Afghanistan are cheating by counting the Vietnam War as starting in 1964 with Congress’s Gulf of Tonkin resolution, or 1965 when the first official U.S. combat troops entered that country, not in 1961, when significant numbers of armed “advisors” initially arrived.

But don’t lose hope! Let me offer you some future numbers to be proud of. After all, at this moment the Obama administration is negotiating to keep 15,000 of our troops in Afghanistan as trainers and to hunt al-Qaeda until 2024 (“or beyond,” as some reports say). If, despite the machinations of that country’s emotionally unhinged president, they succeed... well, you can do the math yourself. That’s a 23-year war, so put it in the American record books -- and by a long shot.

But don’t stop there. After all, the U.S. fought the Soviets in a fierce proxy war in Afghanistan from 1979 to 1989. I don’t know Guinness World Records rules, but if that decade is admissible, you’ve just left the 30-year war of the Vietnamese against the French and the Americans in the trash heap of modern records, and the European Thirty Years’ War of the seventeenth century in the dust. I won’t claim that somewhere there hasn’t been a longer war, but this would still be one for the global record books. And keep in mind that all of this has taken place in the landlocked backlands of the planet, a place most Americans couldn’t have located on a map before 1979.

Or let me put it this way and be a proud grandpa while I’m at it: my granddaughter Edna was born in October 2001. Before 2024, if all goes well, she could have at least three tours of duty in Afghanistan! So I say: 2024 or bust!

Yours in American Pride,

Col. Manners

[Nov 30, 2013] http://rustoria.ru/post/zabavnye-karikatury-na-putina-i-obamu/?utm_source=smi2_world&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=world#2

[Nov 05, 2013] WAPO New Docs Show NSA Infiltration of Google and Yahoo Accounts Worldwide

Nov 04, 2013 | Daily Kos
DartagnanFollow

http://www.washingtonpost.com/...

This Agency is completely out of control.

CIndyCasella

Google is the NSA dressed up as Grandma from the

looks of things here.

Grandma, what big ears you have! The better to record you, my dear.

Oh, Grandma, what big eyes you have! The better to film you with my dear!

Information is the currency of democracy. ~Thomas Jefferson

Jim Riggs

Google and Yahoo have information about me?

I'm fucking outraged!

[Nov 04, 2013] The country doesn't like Republicans? Well, Republicans don't like the country either, by Dante Atkins

[Oct 28, 2013] Jon Stewart Savages Ted Cruz For Possible Presidential RunWhy Limit Yourself To Being Hated

"nothing but a dirty syrup-guzzler,"
Jun 4, 2013

By Your Colleagues? Jon Stewart targeted Texas senator Ted Cruz over a possible presidential run in 2016 that has people already lining up behind the conservative firebrand. For one thing, Stewart pointed out Cruz isn't exactly the most liked senator by either party right now. But perhaps more importantly, Ted Cruz was born in Canada.Stewart took on the surprising level of animosity Cruz has garnered from both the left and right, including John McCain calling him a "wacko bird." Stewart mocked Cruz raising questions about Chuck Hagel's possible terrorist ties by piling on, "He might fuck puppies, I don't know!"And yet, the man described as the "most hated" in the Senate is considering a run for the presidency. Stewart asked, "Why limit yourself to being hated by your colleagues when you could be hated by the whole country?"

Stewart mocked Cruz's patriotism as so "American as apple pie that the government has laced with flouride to dull you into handing over your guns." But there is one little snag with a potential Cruz candidacy: HE WAS BORN IN CANADA.

Stewart tore into Cruz as "nothing but a dirty syrup-guzzler," and said that there's only one person who can take this issue head-on: Donald "Fuckface von Clownstick" Trump. who should look into that? TRUMP

[Oct 27, 2013] Jon Stewart Destroys Fox News For Throwing Out The Bill Of Rights

YouTube

threadysparrow

there is also a sense of superiority in our culture. We like to think that we are better than every other country. The funny thing is that we are trailing behind in science and education. What good is a country if it has a sub-par educational system? The smart thing to do would be to not feel like America is #1. The smart thing to do would be to realize that we are all in this shit together and that your place of birth isn't indicative of your greatness.

[Oct 27, 2013] Bill Maher Sheds Some Light On The Shutdown & The Tea Party

Oct 9, 2013 | YouTube

Bill Maher provides some insight on how the government shutdown came about and why its funny.

Bill Maher Poor Mitt Romney... - YouTube

[Aug 28, 2013] Why the Rush to War Strategic

Strategic Culture Foundation

The intercepted emails showing Assad telling his commander to gas ‘em all. Let’s hear the phone conversations played out in public:

Assad: "Go ahead, commander, do the deed. It’ll be a gas."

Commander Thug: "But, your malign majesty, don’t you read the papers? The Americans are listening in on the other end! Now they’ll thwart your glorious plan to commit genocide and go down in history as the worst mass murderer since Harry Truman!"

Assad: "Bullshit. Those Americans think they are smart, but I’ve outsmarted them. Because, you see, I’m wearing my Anti-NSA Encryption Ring ..."

[Aug 21, 2013] New Details Show Broader NSA Surveillance Reach

Ed Barry

This is Obama's idea of transparency....he can see everything about you!

Jose Calabro:

I suppose the country is too busy looking at reality cooking shows, rather than scrutinize this pretense of a "national defense" behavior

AL MOFFATT

... ... ...

Now, we return to the new hit reality show, "Organic Marijuana Gardening with Michelle and Barrack. "

Terry Traub

Why is this not mentioned in the EULA and User Agreements one clicks through to sign up for a cell phone account? "We may allow the NSA and/or other federal agencies to collect your data, including your phone calls, metadata, and location."

Roger Crook:

Little tip for you shell scripters -- let's start overloading their filters:

for($i=0; $i<10; $i++) {
`wget "http://www.google.com/search?q=backpack"`;
}

Frederick A. Green:

Tom Topar

I fail so see what all the complaining is about. Right in the first several paragraphs it said that the U.S. Attorney General was the last line of defense with the NSA. I assume that means Eric Holder is in charge and will protect us American citizens. What could possibly be wrong with that picture?

[Aug 18, 2013] XKeyscore: NSA tool collects 'nearly everything a user does on the internet'

July 31, 2013 | The Guardian

taxineil

NSA is the only part of the US government that actually listens to the people.

[Aug 17, 2013] How to Stay Awake During Obama Speeches: Play Bullshit Bingo

February 26, 2010 | naked capitalism

Via e-mail:

1. Before Barrack Obama’s next televised speech, prepare your “Bullshit Bingo” card by drawing a square. I find that 5″ x 5″ is a good size — and dividing it into columns –five across and five down. That will give you 25 1-inch blocks.

2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:

Restored our reputation
Strategic fit
Let me be clear
Make no mistake
Back from the brink
Signs of recovery
Out of the loop
Benchmark
Job creation
Fiscal restraint
Win-win
Affordable health care
Previous Administration
At the end of the day
Empower (or empowerment)
Touch base
Mindset
Bipartisan
Trust
Inherited as in “I inherited this mess”
Relief for working families
Unprecedented
Accountable (or held to account)
Free market
Reform

Players can make substitutions to this list, but only one phrase can be used in any one block. Alternatives include:

Change (as in “change you can believe in)
Universal health care
Brought the economy back from the brink

3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.

4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout ”BULLSHIT!”

Testimonials from past satisfied “Bullshit Bingo” players:

”I had been listening to the speech for only five minutes when I won.” - Jack W., Boston

”My attention span during speeches has improved dramatically.” – David D., Florida

”What a gas! Speeches will never be the same for me after my first win.” - Bill R., New York City

“The atmosphere was tense in the last speech as 14 of us waited for the fifth box.” – Ben G., Denver

“The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed “BULLSHIT!” for the third time in two hours.” – Harry A. Chantilly

[Aug 17, 2013] Prospects For Financial Reform

Feb 25, 2010 | Economist's View

Banana Republic: It's not just a store anymore.

[Aug 03, 2013] XKeyscore: NSA tool collects 'nearly everything a user does on the internet'

31 July 2013 | The Guardian

taxineil

NSA is the only part of the US government that actually listens to the people.

Niclynn

Aw. When I was a kid, my parents assured me that I was never alone. I thought they were talking about Jesus, but it turns out they meant creepers at the NSA can be the ones to watch over me at night. And double-check to make sure those pictures I'm sending to my husband aren't too racy. That's sweet.

diamondgeeza -> Niclynn

I've decided to stop backing up my files. I mean, what's the point? If I lose data all I need to do is phone Fort Meade right? They'll have a copy.

Wackedsteaks

Hey Russians you have a XKeyscore server on your territory.

Zakida

The Stasi would be proud

Bluestone -> Zakida

Personally I think they would be jealous as all hell.

What the American government is doing right now is the Stasi wetest of wet dreams.

smileydog -> johannesgutenberg

Maybe if governments weren't spending huge amounts of money spying on the world, they'd have more money to do something about housing.

Parent_or

Like North Korea but with better everything

[Jul 30, 2013] Obama Erases Campaign Promises from Election Website

Zero Hedge

Submitted by Michael Krieger via Liberty Blitzkrieg blog,

The Ministry of Peace concerns itself with war, the Ministry of Truth with lies, the Ministry of Love with torture and the Ministry of Plenty with starvation. These contradictions are not accidental , nor do they result from from ordinary hypocrisy: they are deliberate exercises in doublethink.

- George Orwell, 1984

President Transparency, in the interest of protecting his Administration’s spotless record of least transparent ever, has decided to erase sections of his original campaign website so that inconvenient and broken promises (i.e., every single thing he said) can’t be so easily exposed. Although clearly no one goes to the campaign site for groundbreaking news, it had served as a useful platform to compare candidate Obama to the George W. Bush clone he has become as President. From Policy Mic:

In a recent blog post by the Sunlight Foundation, the watchdog organization curiously notes how the Obama administration has removed previously available content from then candidate Obama’s famous 2008 campaign platform, Change.gov. While the site has long since served as a landing page to redirect traffic towards the now President Obama’s whitehouse.gov, the content of the website, particularly the materials and agenda pages, has always been accessible. However, very recently, access to such information is now no longer supported through the site and appears to have been “scrubbed” off the internet (of course, you can still access archived forms of the aforementioned pages).

Thus, because President Obama’s policies have failed to match candidate Obama’s campaign platform (particularly the change part of “hope and change”), it is possible that the easy availability of such contradictory information, not to mention the reputability of the source, has proven to be too detrimental to President Obama’s reputation — given the current political climate. More specifically, the President’s views on government ethics and whistle blowing:

The following was candidate Obama’s position on whistleblowers.

Protect Whistleblowers: Often the best source of information about waste, fraud, and abuse in government is an existing government employee committed to public integrity and willing to speak out. Such acts of courage and patriotism, which can sometimes save lives and often save taxpayer dollars, should be encouraged rather than stifled. We need to empower federal employees as watchdogs of wrongdoing and partners in performance. Barack Obama will strengthen whistleblower laws to protect federal workers who expose waste, fraud, and abuse of authority in government. Obama will ensure that federal agencies expedite the process for reviewing whistleblower claims and whistleblowers have full access to courts and due process.

No worries, at least we still have the right to go out into the street and mindlessly scream USA! USA!

Full article here.

[Jun 16, 2013] Amazon.com Customer Reviews Nineteen Eighty-Four

This is not an instruction manual!, June 14, 2013 By Bjørn Anders See all my reviews

This review is from: 1984: 60th-Anniversary Edition (Plume) (Paperback) Note to US Congress and house of representatives:

This is a fictional book, not an instruction manual.
I suggest you read this one instead: Bill of Rights

[Jun 08, 2013] Reset 2

[May 18, 2013] Dylan Moran on consumerism

YouTube

4ndr4kn0wz 2 years ago

"...and she looked like she'd been hit by a tractor."

Dylan is fcking awesome!

doorwindow7

I've just finished the video and when the grid of suggestions comes up, the poses from Dylan Moran look like he's directing the Toyota Hiroshimas to school children.

[May 18, 2013] Dylan Moran - Americans are divorced from reality.

YouTube

CryowenFrostmage

As an intelligent American (so... only slightly stupider than your average human being from anywhere else) I agree wholeheartedly with this.

Ayn Rand porn Georgia Straight

"I am amused to discover that 'Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan' is an anagram of 'My Ultimate Ayn Rand Porn'."

Liberal attack dog Warren Kinsella just retweeted the funniest thing I've seen all day.

It came from self-described genius Andrew Drucker.

"I am amused to discover that 'Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan' is an anagram of 'My Ultimate Ayn Rand Porn'."

This came less than a day after a Wisconsin newspaper editor was quoted as saying that Ryan was inspired to go into politics by The Fountainhead, which was Rand's ode to selfishness.

Filthgoate

Ayn Rand's role model for masculinity was a serial killer.

http://atheism.about.com/b/2011/05/11/ayn-rand-sociopath-who-admired-a-s...

[May 03, 2013] Greg Palast Introducing Obama's New Commerce Secretary Penny Pritzker

"No longer will criminal bankers have to lobby the administration - because now they'll have one of their own in the Cabinet."
Jesse's Café Américain

This contains some interesting background on then State Senator Obama and his sudden entrance into the national spotlight.

Billionaire Bankster Breaks into Obama's Cabinet
By Greg Palast
May 2, 2013

....Today, Obama has named Penny Pritzker Secretary of Commerce. As the President says, It's a milestone: the first female fraudster to hold that post. No longer will criminal bankers have to lobby the administration - because now they'll have one of their own in the Cabinet.

The following is taken from the Chapter, "Penny's from Heaven?" you'll find in my bestseller, Billionaires & Ballot Bandits.

"We never heard of this guy Barack Obama until 2004. Less than three years before taking the presidency, he was in the Illinois state senate, a swamp of scammers, backhanders, and party machine tools - not a stellar launch pad for the White House. And then, one day, state Sen. Barack Obama was visited by his fairy godmother. Her name is Penny Pritzker.

Pritzker's net worth is listed in Forbes as $1.8 billion, which is one hell of a heavy magic wand in the world of politics. Her wand would have been heavier, and her net worth higher, except that in 2001, the federal government fined her and her family $460 million for the predatory, deceitful, racist tactics and practices of Superior, the bank-and-loan-shark operation she ran on the South Side of Chicago.

Superior was the first of the deregulated go-go banks to go bust - at the time, the costliest failure ever. US taxpayers lost nearly half a billion dollars. Superior's depositors lost millions and poor folk in Sen. Obama's South Side district lost their homes.

Penny did not like paying $460 million. No, not one bit. What she needed was someone to give her Hope and Change. She hoped someone would change the banking regulators and the Commerce Department so she could get away with this crap.

Pritzker introduced Obama, the neophyte state senator, to the Ladies Who Lunch (that's really what they call themselves) on Chicago's Gold Coast. Obama got lunch, gold and better - an introduction to Robert Rubin. Rubin is a former Secretary of the Treasury, former chairman of Goldman Sachs and former co-chairman of Citibank. Even atheists recognized Rubin as the Supreme Deity of Wall Street.

Rubin opened the doors to finance industry vaults for Obama. Extraordinarily for a Democrat, Obama in 2008 raised three times as much from bankers as his Republican opponent...

Read the rest here.

[May 01, 2013] Business is Booming in Texas Discuss

April 30, 2013 |The Big Picture

wally

It’s just as bad to kill people by illegally storing explosive fertilizer as by deliberately bombing them. The laws are broken by the actions you take, not by the thoughts you harbored when you did those things. In the Texas case it apparently wasn’t lack of regulations, it was lack of enforcement. That seems to be a common cause of disasters these days.

Crocodile Chuck :

I reckon its deeper than this-it wasn’t even lack of enforcement, as regards the zoning laws-there weren’t any in the first place (the school and nursing home sited close to the munitions magazine, erm, fertiliser plant). And no one in the community ever even thought about this, let alone raised an alarm, as these were being built.

Jeffrey Sachs’ Speech on Wall Street Corruption

This is famous Jeffery Pinochet-Yeltsin Shock Therapy Sachs.
April 30, 2013 | The Big Picture

A

Hmmm.

Corrupt government; corrupt financial system; corrupt business culture; corrupt legal system. Why on earth is America inheriting the Russian model ?

  1. spooz says:

    April 30, 2013 at 11:07 am

    For those who would like to listen to other speakers at The 31st Annual Monetary and Trade Conference where Sachs presented this (including Michael Kumhof’s presentation on The Chicago Plan Revisited, which starts at about 1:02, and which I would LOVE to see more economists discuss), here is the link.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2P2pjn1U_p4

[Apr 13, 2013] Maher Blasts US WarMonger Response To North Korea And The Military Industrial Complex (VIDEO)

Bill Maher ended Friday's "Real Time" by saying that he's concerned about North Korea. Not about Kim Jong Un's nuclear capabilities, but rather the way American politicians overreact to foreign threats by using them as an excuse to start expensive wars.

"With Afghanistan winding down, America is dangerously close to not having a war," Maher said. And when we don't have a war, he continued, the country "gets a little sad. A little introspective. It begins thinking about poverty, schools, our crumbling infrastructure."

But he joked that going to war since World War II is a foolish endeavor: "Offering to go to war with the U.S. is like offering to go out for drinks with Lindsay Lohan."

The North Korean threat could just be another ill-fated war like so many we've participated in over the half half-century -- including a few countries with whom we've been engaged in multiple wars, like Afghanistan. "That's when you know you're war mongers, when some countries are coming up twice."

For foreign policy, Maher suggested that U.S. presidents look to one man for inspiration: Jimmy Carter.

"He is the one out of all of them who figured out how to sit in office for four years and never fire a shot. The negative example should be Dick Cheney, who even shoots his friends in the face."

Maher closed out the segment with advice to the Democratic frontrunner for president in 2016, Hillary Clinton. "The reason you lost your primary battle in 2008 was because you voted for the Iraq war, and some guy named Obama was smart enough to be against it. In your upcoming campaign, I hope you know you don't have to run as an 'iron lady,'" referencing the late, hawkish British prime minister Margaret Thatcher. "Because what good is being the first female president if you still have to be a dick?"

Stephen Colbert rips Joe Scarborough

The Hill's Video

Francis > Logic Driven Conservative

Stephen Colbert is viewed as a comedian only by right wingers, to others he's a political satirist, which reminds me of George Carlin who explained how the super rich OWN this country in The American Dream at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v....

See also his presentation of We Like War at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v.... And also The Illusion of Freedom at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v....

Logic Driven Conservative > WeToldYouSo

Listen & Learn:

South Carolina is a Conservative RED State--democrats need not apply. Sanford isn't a pillar of morality, but....SC will NOT elect a Liberal democrat.

Period.

Charles Wolf Logic Driven Conservative

You learn this fool:

Former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, a love story: a story that peaked with a non-existent hike on the Appalachian Trail that was actually a five-day tryst with his Argentine lover. The Sanford tenure in the state house was sprinkled with lies, deceit, international negative press, ripping off taxpayers, expense repayments, state planes for personal use, numerous ethical lapses for which he paid a $70,000 fine; a multitude of moral lapses, a legislative censure, infidelities (plural) and a shattered family and subsequent divorce. ...
..."De-dup De-dup,,,and That's NOT All Folks"...
http://www.politicususa.com/th...

Tom > Logic Driven Conservative

South Carolina is not known for its "smarts" - my Lord, they do have Lindsey Graham as a Senator and the are the home of Jim DeMint - both jokes and flakes. As far as they are concerned, the Civil War never ended. Perhaps a "new" voice would do them good.

http://www.veteranstoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Terrorist-Identification-Chart1.jpg

[Apr 06, 2013] Bill Maher Slams Paul Ryan, Rand Paul For 'Ruining' Libertarianism 'I Didn't Go Nuts, This Movement Did' (VIDEO)

On this week's episode of "Real Time," Bill Maher used his final "New Rule" of the night to take on Libertarianism and the conservatives whose obsessions with Ayn Rand have "ruined" the political philosophy for him.

Once a supporter of Libertarianism and its views on government intervention, Maher explained why he thinks politicians such as Paul Ryan and Rand Paul are "intellectually stuck in their teen years" and have turned a once promising movement into a free market-obsessed, "nanny state"-fearing delusion.

Maher went on to defend his new views on Libertarianism by mocking the party's tendency to reject government services even when they are arguably very useful:

"To everyone who keeps trying to shame me about abandoning my Libertarian moorings, my message is this: I didn't go nuts, this movement did. Like when you see a stop light, your reaction should be 'Great, an easy way to ensure we don't all crash into each other,' not, 'How dare the government tell me when I can and cannot go!"

Watch the full segment above

Bill Maher on Ayn Rand ‘It’s all stuff that seems very deep when you’re 19 years old’

The Raw Story

Bill Maher delivered a blistering critique of modern libertarianism on Friday’s episode of Real Time With Bill Maher, slamming adherents for developing a “creepy obsession” with author Ayn Rand.

“It’s all stuff that seems very deep when you’re 19 years old,” he said, before making a quick exemption for one of his guests, young anti-creationism advocate Zack Kopplin. “About how government is a dirty trick played by the weak on the strong, and I can see how, if you’re a privileged college kid, you read that and think, ‘Yeah, that’s right, I don’t need anything. So shut up, Dad, and pay my tuition.’”

Rand’s work has often cited been as an influence on Republican lawmakers like Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) and Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI). Ryan went so far as to once say that Rand taught him “what my value systems are.”

“I believe him,” Maher said of Ryan. “Because [Rand's work] has a strange appeal to people who are kind of smart, but not really.”

Years ago, Maher conceded, he supported some libertarian ideals, saying he wanted to keep the government out of his bedroom, his medicine chest, “and especially not in the second drawer of the nightstand on the left side of my bed.”

But somewhere along the way, he said, libertarians became devotees of Rand’s novel Atlas Shrugged, which he called “a book that’s never been read all the way through by anyone with a girlfriend.”

But even as he said he still supported notions like “shutting down the American empire,” Maher also had a message for people attempting to shame him for allegedly turning his back on that stance.

“I didn’t go nuts, this movement did,” he said. “Like when you see a stop light, your reaction should be, ‘Great, an easy way to ensure we don’t crash into each other.’ Not, ‘How dare the government tell me when I can and cannot go!’”

Watch Maher rip Rand and libertarians, in video posted by Mediaite on Friday, below

[Feb 20, 2013] Should the Repugs and Demofakes be renamed Nero Party One and Nero Party Two because they both fiddle and squabble while the Unites States burns

Completely Self-Absorbed Obama Gets Up And Just Talks For An Hour Straight

WASHINGTON—In a shocking display of deep self-absorption and narcissistic behavior, President Barack Obama stood up in front of the entire nation Tuesday and talked for more than an hour straight, sources confirmed.

Appearing before a crowd of several hundred people, whom he had apparently required to attend and sit silently as he spoke, the egocentric president reportedly talked nonstop from roughly 9 p.m. to 10:15 p.m. Eastern time, giving his opinion on whatever topics he felt like discussing. Apparently unwilling to concern himself with any beliefs other than his own, Obama selfishly spoke without interruption, never once allowing another person to get a word in edgewise or offer a differing viewpoint.

“Christ, that guy just wouldn’t stop talking,” said Lehigh, PA resident Ken Datillio, 41, who said he watched in mounting disbelief and annoyance as the self-involved leader kept going on and on, seemingly unaware of how profoundly egocentric he was being. “He talked, no joke, for 10 minutes straight about the economy. I thought that would be it, but then he started right in talking about energy for at least another five minutes—and that was just the start of it. It’s like this guy has a goddamned opinion on everything.”

“Have you listened to someone talk for 60 minutes straight?” Datillio added. “It’s excruciating.”

62-Year-Old With Gun Only One Standing Between Nation And Full-Scale Government Takeover

The Onion

NORFOLK, VA—According to numerous reports, local 62-year-old Earl Bailey, who owns a shotgun and several boxes of ammunition, is currently the last bastion of defense between the United States of America and the federal government’s plot of a full-scale takeover.

Bailey, a recent retiree and a proud advocate of gun rights, has been confirmed by multiple sources as being a true patriot, and is, at present, the only person capable of preventing top-secret forces within the government from striking and forcefully coercing hundreds of millions of Americans to submit to a fascist and brutal New World Order.

Since the early 1990s, sources estimated the gun owner has staved off innumerable large-scale government threats, all from the center of his 12-acre ranch.

“It is every American’s right to be good and armed, and that’s a right that should always be protected,” said Bailey, now the sole American protecting the nation from the government’s hidden plot of disarming all citizens, gradually gaining control of the mass media, and installing martial law throughout the nation’s streets. “Our Founding Fathers intended for each and every one of us to protect ourselves from tyranny. That’s what America is all about.”

“What happens when the feds show up at your front door and start telling you how much meat you can eat or how to raise your kids?” continued the lifetime NRA member, brandishing the very weapon that now serves as the final hope of staving off a totalitarian state. “Is that the future you want?”

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