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Politically Incorrect Humor bulletin, 2012

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[Oct 07, 2012] O'Reilly, Stewart 'rumble' debate brings the humor by Carol Memmott and Lindsay Deutsch,

Stewart, after telling O'Reilly he's the leader of "Bull---- mountain," a recurring Daily Show theme: "When you need something, it's an entitlement," said Stewart, "When they need something it is what it is."
O'Reilly: Fox "is making a billion dollars a year, so something's going right."
Stewart: "Yes, you can't make money selling crap in America."
October 7. 2012 | USA TODAY

It may not have been the most important debate of the 2012 presidential election season but it was certainly, so far, the most entertaining. And who needs President Obama and GOP rival Mitt Romney when you can get your politics with laughs from Jon Stewart and Bill O'Reilly?

In what was billed as O'Reilly vs. Stewart 2012: The Rumble in the Air-Conditioned Auditorium, the host of Comedy Central's The Daily Show and Fox News' top-rated personality and Factor host faced off Saturday night at a sold-out event from Lisner Auditorium at George Washington University, and streamed online for $4.95 a pop, with half the proceeds going to charity.

The Rumble was moderated by journalist E.D. Hill, who kicked off the night's comic side by introducing O'Reilly as "the gargantuan 6-foot-4" and Stewart as a "hobbit-like 5-foot-7-inches tall." (Stewart was on a motorized platform that rose him up to O'Reilly's eye level — and, at times, well beyond.)

The debaters went toe-to-toe and joke-to-joke on the Middle East, health care, partisanship and government debt.

And the zingers were slung fast and furious:

Stewart on Obama's having to deal with Bush's legacy: "We are merely weeks from being a failed state or, even worse, Greece. To solve it is to kill Big Bird."

O'Reilly: "Bush is gone. Adios, sayonara, aloha. It's boring. He's gone. It may have been Bush's fault for the first year, maybe two, but not 3½."

Stewart, after telling O'Reilly he's the leader of "Bull---- mountain," a recurring Daily Show theme: "When you need something, it's an entitlement," said Stewart, "When they need something it is what it is."

On the Middle East, O'Reilly held up a sign that said "Drones. Yes. Waterboards. No," citing the irony of the country's policy allowing drones to strike and kill civilians but condemning waterboarding as wrong.

Stewart, after O'Reilly holds up another sign that reads "Iran not frightened," claiming Obama's sending the wrong message to Iran about American might: "Did they attack our embassy because Barack Obama is weak?"

O'Reilly, blaming government intervention on business' lack of confidence in the economy: "You've got to let the free market run away a little bit. You gotta unleash the machine."

Stewart: "Because what could go wrong?"

On media bias, Stewart: "I don't think ABC or NBC or CBS are activist organizations" then called Fox News "the lupus of news" that's gone "overboard."

O'Reilly: Fox "is making a billion dollars a year, so something's going right."

Stewart: "Yes, you can't make money selling crap in America."

On the American they most admire: Stewart: Robert Kennedy; O'Reilly: Abraham Lincoln.

... ... ...

At a news conference after the debate, O'Reilly joked: "Everybody knows that Stewart's opinions are very shallow and not thought out. ... I thought he was very witty with the excrement mountain thing."

Stewart's response: "Yeah, I completely switched over and I think I'm taking Hannity's spot."

[Sep 29, 2012] Gallup Poll: Rural Whites Prefer Ahmadinejad To Obama

Hat tip to Moon of Alabama

The Onion (September 24, 2012 | ISSUE 48•39):

CHARLESTON, WV — According to the results of a Gallup poll released Monday, the overwhelming majority of rural white Americans said they would rather vote for Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad than U.S. president Barack Obama.

Jesse's Café Américain Jon Stewart Chaos On Bullshit Mountain

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Chaos on Bulls**t Mountain - The Entitlement Society

Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog The Daily Show on Facebook

What kind of a people could delight in machine-gunning the lifeboats of those who are attempting to escape, not to thrive but to merely survive, the mayhem and chaos that these same sociopaths have created through their selfish and criminal actions? And what sort of gullible fools will listen to them, and assist them in their work even if passively by saying nothing?

"The inability to identify with others was unquestionably the most important psychological condition for the fact that something like Auschwitz could have occurred in the midst of more or less civilized and innocent people.

What is called 'fellow traveling' (collaboration) was primarily business interest: one pursues one’s own advantage before all else and, simply not to endanger oneself, does not talk too much. That is a general law of the status quo."

Theodor Adorno

Have we truly learned nothing? Must we make the same mistakes over and over again?

These 49 percent include for the most part the elderly, students, the working poor, soldiers and their families, and the disabled.

These 'handouts' include Social Security and unemployment insurance which people have paid for when times were good. The ranks of the working poor have swelled for sure, because of a financial collapse brought on by unfettered greed and fraud of Wall Street, and a stagnant real median wage for the past 20 years in the face of rising costs, often driven by monopolies, fraud, and cartels.

A kleptocracy is sucking the life out of working men and women by force and fraud. A group of sociopaths, who have committed one of the great crimes in history, not only blithely walk away with their loot unpunished, but come back to rob their victims once again, to finish the job. And they gorge themselves on the public trust even while begrudging the widow her pittance, or trying to steal it.

They pervert and corrupt so many, filling their hearts with their passionate lies, appealing to what is the very worst in them. They are truly a den of vipers and thieves.

You can believe what you will, but you will be held responsible for your beliefs, and your actions, what you do and do not do.

[Sep 08, 2012] British ministers 'ponder response to Israeli strike on Iran' World news

May 23, 2012 | guardian.co.uk

Two points to clarify discussion

AgentC

@ MiniApolis:

So they are happy to feed the Westerners a line, give them a little something, and pretend to reluctantly accept more than they ever dreamed.

Funny, that sounds like "Israeli Foriegn Policy". Feed the westerners a line about Iran having nuclear weapons within a couple of years (like they have for over a decade), give a little pretend movement on the Palestinian issue, and then reluctantly accept more US foriegn/military aid.

snickid

bailliegillies.

Another factor that will have an effect on the decision whether or not to attack Iran is the fact the around 80% of conservatives belong to the Conservative Friends of Israel. [...] the Labour party isn't any better either as a lot of them belong to Labour Friends of Israel.

This is depressing - but there's a difference between being a 'Friend of Israel' - i.e. taking the money from the Israel lobby - and being a bloody stupid friend of Israel, i.e. supporting yet another disastrous war in the Middle East.

"No, you just can't": something about GOP propaganda attack on Obama ;-)

Charles Martin

I love this crap!! Every voting cycle it happens!! Obama, like all democrats before him has made the mistake of trying to "talk" to the voting public man to man!! Because you will not admit to yourself how dumb these people really are, you wind up talking "down" to these people and you can't do that!!

The morning after Obama made the mistake of trying to tell everyone that they had a little help along the way, I visited my coffee shop!! A friend of mine asked,

"Did you read that Obama crap"? "I sure did, did you"? Yep, I sure as hell did!! Then he went on to quote the Romney version!! You can't win!!!

[Jul 23, 2012] The Onion Facebook Is CIA's Dream Come True [SATIRE] by Stan Schroeder

Compare with Assange- Facebook, Google, Yahoo spying tools for US intelligence

As the “single most powerful tool for population control,” the CIA’s “Facebook program” has dramatically reduced the agency’s costs — at least according to the latest “report” from the satirical mag The Onion.

Perhaps inspired by a recent interview with WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange, who called Facebook “the most appalling spy machine that has ever been invented,” The Onion‘s video fires a number of arrows in Facebook’s direction — with hilarious results.

In the video, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg is dubbed “The Overlord” and is shown receiving a “medal of intelligence commendation” for his work with the CIA’s Facebook program.

The Onion also takes a jab at FarmVille (which is responsible for “pacifying” as much as 85 million people after unemployment rates rose), Twitter (which is called useless as far as data gathering goes), and Foursquare (which is said to have been created by Al Qaeda).

Check out the video below and tell us in the comments what you think.

CIA's 'Facebook' Program Dramatically Cut Agency's Costs Onion News Network

[Jul 18, 2012] I HAVE A DRONE

[Jul 02, 2012] Something about Moscow protest meeting size estimates in Western press

It staggers the imagination that the police – who I assume have some training in estimating the size of a the meeting, especially as it might turn ugly on them, estimate the size of the crowd at 18,000 while reporters and event organizers gleefully estimate the same crowd at “more than 50,000″.

They must all work for penis-enlargement websites.

[Jul 01, 2012] A New Babylon or the Rhyme of History

[Jun 27, 2012] Jon Stewart on the GOP Field 'Extremely Loud and Incredibly Wealthy'

"We are 99% of 1%" ;-)

STEWART: Oh, it's not fair. He's using unlimited money to buy influence. Rigging the system in some way. Interesting. I can't imagine how frustrated and helpless you Newt Gingrich must feel. Hey, how did guys like Mitt Romney come to be anyway? [...]

You're mad at Mitt Romney? But that's like saying... it's like saying Mitt Romney answered the eHarmony ad and now you're saying it's unfair. That it's not what you meant and you don't mean it that much. Mitt Romney is the pure distillation of conservative economic policies. But now that you have to go up against him, now it's unfair? Republicans, you can't say, release the kraken and then when the kraken turns on you, be all like... that's a very scary kraken.

Stephen Colbert on GOP Candidate Richard Mourdock

HA! Four racoons in a plastic garbage bag.

[Jun 04, 2012] Banks And The Whole Democracy Thing In 90 Seconds Or Less

ZeroHedge

Reality 90 seconds that describes the sad reality of US banking and politics - in Dr.Seuss style prose.

"Now cabbies and crop-pickers will pick up the slack; your taxes will bring the bankers right back;

where we'll keep spreading our good news, of deregulation and free market views - 'We know what we're doing, just stop with the rules!'"

"Now we're buying both sides to do our good bidding; That whole Democracy thing? Surely You're Kidding"

[Jun 01, 2012] New meaning of the old symbol

[Apr 29, 2012] Matt Stoller Obama as Neoliberal Ideologue

April 29, 2012 | naked capitalism

G3

My quip :

Repubs are like the abusive guy who will hit and throw the wife out of the house. Dems are like the one who will hit but let her stay in.

My friend’s quip :

With Repubs, it is like outright rape. With Dems, it is like date rape.

[Apr 19, 2012] In Conversation- Barney Frank by Jason Zengerle,

New York Magazine

TARP was basically being administered by Hank Paulson as the last man home in a lame-duck presidency. I tried to get them to use the TARP to put some leverage on the banks to do more about mortgages, and Paulson at first ­resisted—he just wanted to get the money out. And after he got the first chunk of money out, he said, “All right, I’ll tell you what, I’ll ask for a second chunk, and I’ll use some of that as leverage on mortgages, but I’m not going to do that unless Obama asks for it.”

This is now December, so we tried to get the Obama people to ask him, and they wouldn’t do it. During the critical period when the TARP was being administered, there was a vacuum of political leadership.

At one point, Obama said, “Well, we only have one president at a time.” I said I was afraid that overstated the number of presidents. We had no president.

[Apr 18, 2012] This, my friends, is Globalization! One Stop Thought Shop

January 13, 2008 by Brian

Question:

What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer:

Princess Diana’s death.

Question:

How come?

Answer:

An English princess
with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel,
driving a German car
with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian
drunk on Scottish whisky,
followed by Italian Paparazzi
on Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor
using Brazilian medicines.

This is written by a Canadian,
using American patents
with Taiwanese chips,
a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers
in a Singapore plant,
transported by Indian truckers,
hijacked by Indonesians,
unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,
and delivered downtown by Mexican illegals.

That, my friends, is Globalization!

[Apr 17, 2012] Comments on the Housing Recovery and Starts and Completions

KarmaPolice wrote on Tue, 4/17/2012 - 12:21 pm

Excuse my language, but HOLY SHIT.

"Among the attributes I most envy in a public man (or woman) is the ability to lie. If that ability is coupled with no sense of humor, you have the sort of man who can be a successful football coach, a CEO or, when you come right down to it, a presidential candidate. Such a man is Mitt Romney."

Mitt Romney’s enviable ability to ignore the truth - The Washington Post

[Apr 16, 2012] McClatchy Cartoons

[Apr 06, 2012] Too pig to fail

[Apr 02, 2012] Construction Spending declines in February

ResistanceIsFeudal :

poic wrote:

Fundamental change will not occur until there is a change in the revolving door between the financial industry and Treasury/SEC.

A bigger revolving door?

arthur_dent:

ResistanceIsFeudal wrote:

If only the two could be combined, somehow...

reminds me of the joke making the rounds in post-soviet Russia, paraphrasing....

Everything Marx told us about Communism was wrong. Unfortunately, everything he told us about Capitalism was right.

[Mar 31, 2012] Something about Facebook IPO

Log in to Facebook now to see what your so-called friends are reading and watching, and to let them see every f**king thing you're reading and watching.

[Mar 31, 2012] Congressman Hurt To Discover Lobbyist Not Really His Friend The Onion

February 4, 2012 | Onion ISSUE 48•05

Rep. Schilling said he was even considering asking Fischer (inset) to be godfather to his youngest son.

WASHINGTON—According to Capitol Hill sources, Rep. Bobby Schilling (R-IL) came to the painful realization this week that agribusiness lobbyist Stephen Fischer, who had been kind and generous toward him for months and had often met up with him for drinks after work, was not, in fact, his friend.

"Steve used to call all the time to catch up and ask about my family and chat about the genetically modified feedstock industry, but now, nothing," said Schilling, who admitted he was still struggling to accept that all their "good times" together at Washington steak houses and nightclubs had not been part of a sincere friendship. "He was such a likable guy—sociable, funny, and he always somehow managed to find great seats to sold-out concerts."

"I thought we were really tight," Schilling added. "But now I can't help but think he was just using me to get stricter seed-patent protections."

According to Schilling, the two first met at a Republican Party fundraiser last spring and "hit it off" immediately. The congressman was surprised to discover Fischer seemed to share his interests in deep-sea fishing, soybean crop insurance, and Big Ten basketball, and recalled in particular how the lobbyist was impressed by Schilling's position on the House Agriculture Committee.

From there, Schilling said, the high-paid employee of Cargill and Archer Daniels Midland began frequently taking him out to exclusive Washington restaurants and to his private lux­ury box at Baltimore Orioles games, leading Schilling to believe he had found a genuine, affable buddy.

"Sure, I found it unusual that Steve always asked me about the progress of alfalfa silage tax credits and would casually suggest potato-crop insect-management earmarks, but I never thought twice about it," the congressman said. "I just assumed he was curious about my work. Maybe it sounds na•ve, but when a guy does something really nice, like fly you out to Pebble Beach for 18 holes, you just assume he's your friend."

In the weeks since, Fischer reportedly claimed to be too busy to go out with the congressman and eventually stopped answering Schilling's calls altogether. Once he suspected manipulative behavior on Fischer's part, Schilling said he grew despondent, saddened that what he believed had been a promising friendship had vanished so suddenly and left him with nothing but a few boxes of ultra-premium cigars and $47,000 in campaign contributions.

The crestfallen legislator said he now felt unsure who his true friends were, and had begun to question whether fellow congressmen, prominent donors, and even his constituents actually cared about him as a person—or whether they all just wanted something from him.

[Mar 09, 2012] Trade Deficit increased in January to $52.6 Billion

Mel:

It is amazing that we have not found a way to eliminate the petroleum trade deficit--

Nixon tried - he was promptly impeached.

Carter tried - he was booted after one term.

Voters demanded unicorns and rainbows - Reagan promised them exactly that - it's all been running backwards on this issue ever since.

Weeping Willow wrote:

Voters demanded unicorns and rainbows - Reagan promised them exactly that - it's all been running backwards on this issue ever since.

Someday there'll be a lot of dead unicorns washing up on the beaches of the Persian Gulf. Some of them will wear Army green and Navy blue.

Black smoke from oilfield fires will blot out the rainbows.

Daily darkness!

Prick your finger, it is done.
Goldman owns your firstborn son.

[Feb 29, 2012] Hank The Cat Running For US Senate in Virginia By BETH PARKER

Feb 27, 2012 | myfoxdc
SPRINGFIELD, Va. - He is not your typical politician. He's running as a write-in candidate and his campaign is beginning to catch on. But it’s not for what he stands for, but for whom he is.

The purr-fect candidate can be tough to find. One with just the right ideas, a proper wardrobe and a candidate who cannot be bought.

“If any sort of lobbyist needs to get to him, they would have to do that with cheese,” says Campaign Manager Matthew O’Leary.

Hank is a nine-year-old Maine Coon who is running for the U.S. Senate in Virginia.

He has signs and stickers that will make you an F.O.H. - or Friend of Hank. He loves Facebook, and really, all social media.

“Cats are normally adapted to Tweeting since birds and everything like that,” says O’Leary. “They know how to handle that sort of thing.”

His campaign headquarters is at his family's townhouse in Springfield, Va. It is a house full of Obama supporters, but he is not a Demo-cat.

“I would read left-leaning political books at night, and in the morning when he'd wake me up for breakfast, he would tear up the political books, just the political books, to get my attention,” O’Leary says.

He says that is when they knew they had a conservative on their hands. He is running as an independent though - no surprise - a cat who is independent. He wants to snap to it and start creating jobs. And he is tired of politicians who always have their claws out.

Hank is running against two veteran politicians in George Allen and Tim Kaine. Some believe the fact that he is an outside the beltway cat could be an advantage.

“Hank did live a good part of his life inside the beltway, but now we live just west of it, so he's outside the beltway,” says O’Leary.

Hank ran for Virginia State Senate a while back and got nine write-in votes. He is a rescue cat from a place called Animal Allies.

“He was about five weeks old when we got him and he was rescued from a kill shelter that was going to put him down,” says O’Leary.

He has been a perfect pet. Just a few flaws. Not the best manners, a little lazy and according to O’Leary, “he can be scared of things that normally don't scare anyone. Sometimes if there's a grocery bag or something, he'll freak out about it and attack it. He can be a little on edge sometimes.”

But it's nothing a nice nose rub won't cure.

The money donated on Hank's website goes to animal rescue groups. If you would like to learn more, visit his website at www.hankforsenate.com or his Facebook page.

[Jan 23, 2012] Their bread, our circus

Recently, in the course of one evening in the Big Apple, President Barack Obama "hosted" three fundraisers ranging from $35,800 a head to $1,000 a head and raised $2.4 million - and that wasn't even close to 1% of the funds he will need for this election season. This reflects the power, needs, fears and desires of America's 1%, and how it has turned the rest of us from citizens into viewers. - Tom Engelhardt (Dec 15,

[Jan 23, 2012] United Welfare States of America- In 2011 Nearly Half The Population Received Some Form Of Government Benefit

in 2011 nearly half of the population lived in a household that receives some form of government benefit, which in turn accounted for 65% of total federal spending, or $2.5 trillion, and amount to 15% of GDP.

Ghordius

Confusing? Just *TRY* to have a normal conversation with my UK and US relatives and you will find out that they think they live in the land of the free and that the eurozone is a socialist overregulated hellhole where half of the population is on some kind of government support.

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