Back in the Goode Olde Days, people spent uncounted hours trying to forecast the future. If they
had a cat, they could try felidomancy, which is the art of using cats to predict the future. If they had feet, they could try
Nowadays, people indulge in fedomancy, which is the art of predicting interest rates by observing
the Federal Reserve Board. It's a difficult practice.
If Her Majesty the Queen wishes to be truly illuminated why most economists failed to see the
Crash coming, it's very simple: you get what you pay for: neoclassical economists are mathematicians willing to bent to the dominant
ideology: the free-market “religion”. Like all religions, it is showing amazing resilience in the face of empirical evidence.
Or in more laymen terms: how those neoclassical sex workers could see it coming, if they all were busy performing oral sex with
The fact the most economists are intellectual prostitutes is undisputable. What is strange
is that they are paid much better then porno stars. What a humiliation for the most ancient profession --
Due to the size financial skeptic dictionary is now converted to a separate page
“The CEO of your company has probably already earned your 2016 salary this year” [WaPo,
Dec 6, 2016].
Calling this tightening is like looking at a guy with a 28 inch waist walking around in 38 inch pants, and saying his pants have
been tightened because they they were taken in to 37 inches. Dan Kervic,
December 16, 2015 at 03:51 PM
RE: Using economic statistics in an impartial and informed way [But that would be like science instead of politics. No one ever
called it the scientific economy. It is called the political economy, silly :<) ]
December 14, 2015 at 05:12 AM
The new American dream is to buy a 35k car with your 500fico score and park it front of your 1500/month studio apartment!
Zero Hedge comment
"... "The Federal Reserve is not currently forecasting a recession." – Ben Bernanke (January 2008) ..." Sep 20, 2015.
Using metrics in economics and applying mathematical formulas to quantify all aspects of the economy has been a major and far
reaching disaster. None worse, perhaps with the exception of unemployment and inflation, than the totally fraudulent metric "GDP".
I'm starting a Hillary Clinton blow up doll factory to help support the economy.............
HP is microcosm of what Carly will do to the US: carve it like a pumpkin and leave the shell out to bake in the sun for a few
weeks. But she'll make sure and poison the seeds too! Don't want anything growing out of that pesky Palm division...
HP - that company that sells computers and printers made in China and ink cartridges made in Thailand?
Yet another instance of a person or entity that is fucking causing this meltdown with their fraud and theft suddenly warning
about it. Just like that brit douche bag, just like Greenspan, and now this. Just trying to protect themselves when the disaster
they have wrought comes unglued, so they can say something along the lines of "it wasn't me, I was trying to warn you this would
What I'll never understand is why Goldman Sachs still has credibility after the 2007 crash. Are people just lazy? Comment
by arsetechnica,The Guardian
"9/11 airline puts". Thanks, that pretty much says it all
September folks, *SEPTEMBER* - the month for high scale controlled demolitions, did you forgot it?! The kind which benefits very
few clever guys and screw millions of suckers. Luc X. Ifer
Zero Hedge, Sep 5, 2015.
The difference between the Rubin wing and the Warren wing was once put to me this way: one side wakes up every morning wondering
what America would be like without a middle class, the other wakes up wondering what America would be like without Goldman Sachs.
Rubin’s mindset is perhaps best illustrated by the fact that in the 1990s, Rubin was surprised to learn that for the past 20 years
workers’ wages hadn’t increased with their productivity. KidPsychon Fri, 9/4/2015 - 8:24 am
“Neoliberal economics is like a glass-bottomed party boat sailing over the world where the party-goers long ago lost interest
in even casually looking down.”
“China feared that casinos in Macau owned by the billionaire gambling magnate and Republican party funder Sheldon Adelson were
used by US intelligence agents to entrap and blackmail Chinese officials” [Guardian].
“Federal judges vacated five of imprisoned former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich’s (D) convictions in a unanimous ruling that
will prompt a retrial… [T]he decision from the 7th Circuit Court of Appeals questioned whether his proposal to trade a cabinet appointment
in exchange for appointing top Obama aide Valerie Jarrett to the Senate seat is actually a crime” [The
Hill]. Why don’t we just stop all the hole-in-corner stuff and put cabinet appointments on the open market?
“St. Louis Federal Reserve Bank President James Bullard said Monday that while next week may be too soon for the Fed to raise
interest rates, the chance of the Federal Open Market Committee lifting rates off zero at its September meeting were above 50%” [Market
News]. What? No more free money for people who already have it?
Who needs workers anymore. Just access cheap Fed money and buyback shares. The laid off workers can become stock traders.
"This South Carolina murder is why EVERY police officer in America should have a body camera AND a dashboard camera." Too bad
that can't be extended to meetings between lobbyists and politicians.
Bankruptcy is part of the American dream. See Harry Truman and stop being a douche.
A nice fresh [government statistics] pig. For the vegans. It is kinda interesting that the initial claims doesn't seem to be
capturing the oil bust. If you bet on fake government statistics in the fake market and then use the profits to buy the precious
[metals] have you transmuted fake money into real money? Thursday
Unemployment Claims Hoocoodanode
The central banks are hostage-takers, and to show you all that they're serious, they shot one of the hostages, Cyprus. Banks
would be foolish not to use this financial nuclear weapon against plebs.
leverage 1:99 and go bust. 0.8% to cash down. This should make bank runs so much more exciting.
Ben, while delusional and dishonest, is not entirely dumb. He knew which side of the bread was buttered for him and his masters.
Bernanke's True Legacy Zero Hedge. Apr
But getting back to the accuracy of Ivy League educated Wall Street economists – they missed by 50%. That entitles them to a
$250,000 bonus. The Establishment Survey showed a pitiful 126,000 increase in low paying service jobs in March. Get prepared for
the usual weather excuse.
The Burning Platform, Apr 3, 2015
What is Jamie Demand? [Apr 01, 2015]
The equity markets are just another Fed-fueled, Fed-managed bubble.
Global warming is one serious problem, of course, but the global bullshit storms emanating from the world's financial centers
are becoming even more deeply discouraging.
In the States, journalistic independence and integrity were some years ago led down a blind alley, and quietly strangled.
Feds are like the girlfriend who keeps promising you'll get a little when the time is right.
“You will know that the financial markets have reached peak instability and volatility when Britney Spears rings
the opening bell.” --Zero Hedge.
The behavior of the Fed may be looked at by future historians as so bad as to be incompetent, rather than notorious, in the manner
of the 'Greenspan defense.' --
Américain, Trust Us
The promiscuous use of sanctions – as part of “regime change” strategies – has become almost an addiction in Washington.
One can envision some tough-talking U.S. diplomat confronting the leaders of a troublesome nation by going around the room and
saying, “we sanction you, we sanction you, we sanction you.” --
[Feb 24, 2015] It is a bubble, it will eventually collapse, the Fed and the Wall Street courtiers know it, but don't care.
This is the entitled triumph of the "careless few" --
The current level of S&P 500 is the testament of the decline and fall of common decency.
I have noticed lately that the spinmeisters are now latching on to the term 'currency war,' but are trying to deflect it merely
to an intensification of the beggar thy neighbor strategy of devaluing your currency to subsidize exports and penalize
Neoliberal progress. On our "neoliberal" planet the number of people who have a smartphone/cell phone is considerably
more that number of those who have access to clean drinking water and water closets.
Clowns should be increasingly used in redundancy (layoff, firing) meetings until it
becomes the norm and employers start to compete with each other to offer the best clown
redundancy experience and promote it as a benefit.
It would also create clown jobs, which would probably require more clown schools, meaning
that the tuition prices would go through the roof and young people dreaming of becoming
redundancy clowns would either have to come from wealth or take out massive clown loans to
fund their education for clown universities and grad schools. Shareholders can only take so
much top line costs and Wall Street pressure would force corporations to improve return on
investment and reduce redundancy clown labor expenses. Sadly, redundancy clowns would find
themselves training their own replacements – HB1 clowns from "low cost" countries.
Employers would respond to quality criticisms of the HB1 clown experience by publishing
survey results showing very similar almost ex-employee satisfaction with the new clowns.
Eventually, of course, redundancy clowns will be replaced by AI and robots. It's just the
future and we will need to think about how to adapt to it today by putting in place a UBI for
the inevitable redundant redundancy clowns.
"Few economists worked at the Federal Reserve in the early 1950s. Those who were on the
staff of America's central bank were relegated to the basement, at a safe remove from the
corridors where real decisions were made.
Economists had their uses, allowed William McChesney Martin, then the Fed's chairman. But
they also had 'a far greater sense of confidence in their analyses than I have found to be
warranted'. They were best kept down with the surplus furniture and the rats." •
"It sure is weird that the labor market is the only place where the magic of the
marketplace -- price! -- doesn't work."
I also hear weirdness about price considerations when I read investment advice for workers
and their 401ks.
"Don't worry about the price. Invest now as much as you can. You can't predict the market
(Looks down at Twitter feed).
Haha so right and we mistakenly claim that economists don't know how the real economy
works. They know, and part of that knowledge is that you need to shill the BS for those with
the money if you wanna get your own piece of said pie.
Some of the other stuff we've encouraged, such as The EU, ETFs, Hi-Frequency Trading, Neil
Woodford and Deutsche Bank look likely to be highly effective vectors of short-term economic
destruction and destabilization
(Edited version of the speech given by the TJ Wormwood, Chief Demonic Officer –
Finance, Lord of 3rd Ring of the 7th Circle, to invited audience at Davos.)
As you all know, I've been wrecking finance for millennia. [Pause for effect]
Nearly every major big idea, evolutionary leap forward, invention and discovery has improved
the miserable lot of mankind only through their ability to monetise it. Forget the theft of
fire – being able to monetise fire by attracting pretty and willing mates around a warm
campfire, or cooking the food others have hunted, is what mattered. Strip out the noise, and
the rise of mankind is largely due to improvements in the efficiency and ease of means of
From the realisation hunters could barter their furs for other goods, to the rise of complex
products to finance global growth – the innovation of financial markets has been a major
driver of success for the Other Side in raising the wellbeing and prosperity of mankind. Pretty
much anything that holds back or disrupts trade, increases costs and holds back services is
naturally positive for our goal of global destabilisation.
So, here is the big plan:
Since 2007 we've been turning the Other Side's successful innovation of financial markets
against them. Global Financial Markets are incredibly rich in opportunities to distort truth,
hide lies, and undermine mankind – generating immediate greed, envy, suspicion and anger.
We've uncovered previously unimaginable ways in which to financially screw the World with
consequences that impact everyone.
We've overlaid the programme with our mastery and understanding of temptation, human greed,
avarice and pride, while adding subtlety and cunning. We merely suggest and advise. We are
facilitating the train-wreck of the global economy by destroying asset values while confounding
their understanding of money and wealth – the pillars of their society.
At its simplest form we are manipulating and driving constant market instability to keep
mankind distracted. Uncertainty clouds their future expectations – so we keep it raining.
A Mortgage crisis one year, followed by a Sovereign Debt crisis the next, spiced with a couple
of bank failures, and threats of global trade war. Overlay with confusion and distraction such
as social media, fake news, Bitcoin and populism, and it all works rather well.
Keep their leaders arguing. Keep the blame game going.
Our success can be seen in current financial asset prices. These are now hopelessly inflated
and distorted by foolish post financial crisis policy decisions. They are bubbles set to pop.
Empower the regulators and bureaucrats to compromise finance through zealous over-regulation,
making banking safer by destroying it. Usher in a new era of trade protectionism, the end of
Free Trade and increase the suspicion some countries are manipulating their currencies for
economic advantage. Sprinkle some dust of political catastrophe, the collapse of law, undo the
fair, just and caring society, while adding some eye of newt and complex environmental threats.
Make the rich so rich they don't notice, and the poor so poor they become invisible. If the
markets remain uncertain, then it distracts mankind from addressing these issues, making
society less stable!
There as some things we're really proud of, including the Euro, Social Media, Investment
Banks, the Tech Boom, and especially Quantitative Easing (which is still delivering confusion
and pain). New Monetary Theory could prove even better – it shows tremendous potential to
thoroughly unsettle confidence in money. Cybercurrencies are particularly fun – despite
coming up with the idea, neither we, nor even the distinguished members of our panel of eternal
guests, understand the why of them. They are libertarian nonsense – so, naturally we
continue to encourage them as get-rich-quick schemes, but they also further undermine
confidence in money and government. We made something up in a bar one night and called it a
Distributed Ledger - the humans ran with it and invented Blockchain, whatever that might
Some of the other stuff we've encouraged, such as The EU, ETFs, Hi-Frequency Trading, Neil
Woodford and Deutsche Bank look likely to be highly effective vectors of short-term economic
destruction and destabilisation, triggering systemic market events and regulatory backlashes
across markets. We are only now exploring the full potential of market illiquidity to rob
billions of pensioners of their savings.
We've persuaded investors to overturn proven tried and tested investment strategies and
wisdoms, nurturing a whole range of overpriced unprofitable US Tech "Unicorn" companies which
we are confident will prove utterly over-hyped and largely worthless. The success of social
media, data mining and new tech has increased levels of dissatisfaction and envy –
especially in our target younger demography.
The way we successfully pinned the blame on banks for the Global Financial Crisis –
despite the fact it was people who wanted mortgages to buy houses and fast cars - ensured
global regulators would over-react. We've allowed regulators to focus on banks while we target
the next financial crisis in other parts of the financial ecosystem.
Regulators forced the banks to de-risk. But risk does not disappear - it just goes somewhere
else. While banks understood risk and had massive staffs to manage risk, risk is now
concentrated in the hands of "investment managers" who are singularly ill-equipped to withstand
the next credit crunch and global recession, (which we've planned for next October – Save
the Date cards have been sent).
We are particularly pleased that many banks now exceed the 2.3 compliance officers for every
profitable banker ratio. Compliance and regulatory costs now exceed 10% of income at some
European banks – a stunning success and substantially decreasing the efficiency of
banking and exchanges.
We've some great new financial ideas we are still experimenting with, some of which show
great promise for further weakening society. Facebook Money is going to be a cracker, and I
particularly like the Spaceship to Mars project if only they knew what awaits them
By hiding inflation in the stock market, we assisted the accumulation of massive wealth by a
tiny percentage of the population to ferment income inequality dissatisfaction. When capital is
concentrated and the workers under the cosh, it creates all the right conditions for weak
disjointed government to aid and abet the rise of destabilising populism.
It's highly satisfying to watch the instability we've created in financial markets drive
fear and distrust across society. The debt crisis we engineered led to global financial
austerity, job insecurity, and rising inequality. We were surprised how easily we pushed the
Gig economy concept to further exploit and cow workers through regulators and authorities
– they barely noticed. Over this we've layered whole new levels of anxiety such as the
unknowns of data theft, the rise in envy coefficients through social media, fake news while
fuelling social distrust through resentment.
We've managed to persuade Governments to follow damaging and contradictory policies. As
society reeled in the wake of the financial crisis, we persuaded policy makers to cut back
spending through "austerity" spending programmes, simultaneously bailing out bankers while
flooding the financial economy with free money through Quantitative Easing.
Effectively we've split the world into two economies. A real economy which is sad, miserable
and deflating, and a financial economy that's insanely optimistic, massively inflated and ripe
to pop on the back of free money.
The resentment, instability, fear and general sense of decay has paid dividends in our drive
to break society by undermining the credibility of the political classes. Our approach to
politics has been simple – deskill the political classes, reduce their effectiveness as
leaders, while engineering economic, social and financial instability to drive rampaging
populist politics – just like in 1932! Populism may ultimately prove short-lived, but
it's difficult to see how the political classes will recover their power in time to reverse the
damages being done to the global environment.
While markets have burned, society become increasingly riven, and politics has failed, we've
distracted the humans from the rising levels of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere which
threatens to create global warming and rising sea levels, while plastics poison the oceans and
soil erosion threatens agriculture.
Now I love the ravenous hunger and sharp pointy teeth of polar bears as much as the next
demon, but needs must... needs must. I was also rather fond of the dinosaurs...
Our approach to ensuring destructive climate change has proved very effective. We've
supported, financed and advised the loudest green lobbies to ensure their message looks
ill-considered, wrong and economic suicide. We also paid big bucks to fund the loudest climate
change deniers. Our innovation of fake news to discredit and mitigate anything positive means
climate change remains a crank topic – even as our polar bears drown.
Meanwhile, through our dominance of global boardrooms and investment firms, we've made sure
that large corporates have bought-out and stifled new technologies that could solve the
Our future looks great – because their future is bleak!
"Monopoly" is such an ugly term. We prefer to call it "market power" these days, because of
course it's a good thing if the job creators and their enterprises have more power to do all
the good things they do for us.
It's clearly class warfare, if not racism, to use the term of abuse, "monopoly", when you
mean "market power".
WASHINGTON-Despite ongoing economic woes and a jobless rate that has been approaching 10 percent, U.S. unemployment projections drastically
improved Monday after the consumption of five beers.
"It's going up," leading economist David Singleton said confidently, indicating the predicted growth in jobs with an upward wave
of a Bud Light bottle. "All the way up. By the end of the month. No problem."
Singleton said the economy would begin its rebound once employers realized that there were many currently unemployed skilled laborers
across the country who would "bust their asses" in a number of growing fields.
"Whether it's manufacturing, finance, hospitality, or manufacturing, these dudes trying to reenter the workforce right now have
awesome skill sets and, most of all, they really deserve it," he said. "They're great, great guys. All of them."
According to analysts, both long- and short-term forecasts showed signs of recovery between the third and fourth beer...
... Reports from those well on their way toward putting away a whole six pack suggested that unemployed Americans could look forward
to increased job security and much higher salaries. In addition, many half-in-the-bag analysts said they foresee greater career satisfaction
and massive quality-of-life improvements following the inevitable arrival of new employment opportunities.
"Why should those who've lost work have to live paycheck to paycheck, doing some miserable wage-slave job a goddamn monkey could
do?" said Donald Ellington, a completely hammered senior adviser at JPMorgan Chase. "All these layoffs, they're totally a blessing
in disguise. Now these people can do the thing they've always wanted to do. Like becoming a sportswriter. Or a musician. Or a pilot,
... Joblessness was not the only domestic problem that began to appear eminently solvable after the rapid downing of five beers.
Also substantially improved were projections for the housing crisis, the affordability of health care, getting hot wings later, and
being able to drive home just fine.
Though most on their fifth beer showed unbridled optimism-and in some cases outright cockiness-in terms of the employment landscape,
those who greatly exceeded that number said they saw the current job market as hopelessly bleak. Contrary to the rosy prospects he
had described earlier in the evening, economist David Singleton, after imbibing nine beers and an unknown quantity of Wild Turkey,
lamented that there would have to be a comprehensive shift in the nation's entire economic structure before any lasting improvement
could be realized.
In banana republics it´s very common to not only pick bananas, but also print a lot of money. It´s said to be very cool. First
you pick bananas, then cut down the trees, produce paper and finally print money on that paper. It´s the whole business cycle.
While U.S. politicians from both parties have given standing ovations for the
U.S. oil and gas industry , investors appear to be losing their enthusiasm. The so-called
shale revolution, the fracking miracle, may have resulted in record oil and gas production in
North America, but the real miracle -- in which shale companies make money fracking that oil
and gas -- has yet to occur.
This 20 year old satire looks like it was written yesterday...
"... In the past, the underworld was ill-equipped to handle the new breed of sinners flooding our gates -- downsizing CEOs, focus-group coordinators, telemarketing sales representatives, and vast hordes of pony-tailed entertainment-industry executives ..."
"... Among the tortures the Corpadverticus Circle of Total Bastards boasts: the Never-Ending Drive-Thru Bank, the Bottomless Pit of Promotional Tie-In Keychains, and the dreaded Chamber of Emotionally Manipulative Home Shopping Network Products. ..."
"... condemned TV-exercise-show personalities, clad in skin-tight Spandex outfits soaked in flesh-dissolving acid, are forced to exercise for centuries on end ..."
"... In a nearby area, corporate raiders are forced to carry the golf clubs of uneducated Hispanic migrant workers from hole to hole for eternity, withering under a constant barrage of verbal abuse ..."
"... "In life, I was a Salomon Brothers investment banker," one flame-blackened shade told reporters. "When I arrived here, they didn't know what to do with me. They put me in with those condemned to walk backwards with their heads turned all the way around on their necks, for the crime of attempting to see the future. But then I sent a couple of fruit baskets to the right people, and in no time flat, I secured a cushy spot for myself in the first circle of the Virtuous Unbaptized. Now that was a sweet deal. But before long, they caught on to my game and transferred me here to the realm of Total Bastards. I've been shrieking for mercy like a goddamn woman ever since." ..."
After nearly four years of construction at an estimated cost of 750 million souls,
Corpadverticus, the new 10th circle of Hell, finally opened its doors Monday.
Tenth Circle Added To Rapidly Growing Hell
The Blockbuster Video-sponsored circle, located in Nether Hell between the former eighth and
ninth levels of Malebolge and Cocytus, is expected to greatly alleviate the overcrowding
problems that have plagued the infernal underworld in recent years. The circle is the first
added to Hell in its countless-millennia history.
"A nightmarishly large glut of condemned spirits in recent years necessitated the expansion
of Hell," inferno spokesperson Antedeus said. "The traditional nine-tiered system had grown
insufficient to accommodate the exponentially rising numbers of Hellbound."
Adding to the need for expansion, Antedeus said, was the fact that a majority of the new
arrivals possessed souls far more evil than the original nine circles were equipped to handle.
"Demographers, advertising executives, tobacco lobbyists, monopoly-law experts retained by
major corporations, and creators of office-based sitcoms–these new arrivals represent a
wave of spiritual decay and horror the likes of which Hell has never before seen," Antedeus
Despite the need for expansion, the plan faced considerable resistance, largely due to the
considerable costs of insuring construction projects within the Kingdom Of Lies. Opposition
also came from Hell purists concerned about the detrimental effect a tenth level would have on
the intricate numerology of Hell's meticulously arranged allegorical structure. In 1994,
however, funding was finally secured in a deal brokered between Blockbuster CEO Wayne Huizenga
and Satan himself.
Prior to the construction of the tenth circle, many among the new wave of sinners had been
placed in such circles as Hoarders and Squanderers, Sowers of Discord, Flatterers and Seducers,
Violent Against Art, and Hypocrites. Hell authorities, however, say that the new level, the
Circle of Total Bastards, located at the site of the former Well of Giants just above the
Frozen Lake at Hell's center, better suits their insidious brand of evil.
Frigax The Vile, a leading demonic presence, is one of the most vocal supporters of the new
" In the past, the underworld was ill-equipped to handle the new breed of sinners
flooding our gates -- downsizing CEOs, focus-group coordinators, telemarketing sales
representatives, and vast hordes of pony-tailed entertainment-industry executives
rollerblading and talking on miniaturized cell-phones at the same time. But now, we've finally
got the sort of top-notch Pits of Doom necessary to give such repellent abominations the
quality boilings they deserve."
Pausing to tear off the limbs of an Access Hollywood host, Frigax added, "We're all
tremendously excited about the many brand-new forms of torture and eternal pain this new
level's state-of-the-art facilities will make possible."
Among the tortures the Corpadverticus Circle of Total Bastards boasts: the Never-Ending
Drive-Thru Bank, the Bottomless Pit of Promotional Tie-In Keychains, and the dreaded Chamber of
Emotionally Manipulative Home Shopping Network Products.
The Circle also features a Hall of Aerobics, where condemned TV-exercise-show
personalities, clad in skin-tight Spandex outfits soaked in flesh-dissolving acid, are forced
to exercise for centuries on end , covered in vomit and prodded with the distended ribs of
skeletal, anorexic demons, accompanied by an unending, ear-splittingly loud dance-remix version
of the 1988 Rick Astley hit "Together Forever."
In a nearby area, corporate raiders are forced to carry the golf clubs of uneducated
Hispanic migrant workers from hole to hole for eternity, withering under a constant barrage of
verbal abuse from their former subservients as crows descend from trees to peck at their
eyes. In one of the deepest and most profane portions of the circle, unspeakable acts are said
to be committed with a mail-order Roly-Kit.
"In life, I was a Salomon Brothers investment banker," one flame-blackened shade told
reporters. "When I arrived here, they didn't know what to do with me. They put me in with those
condemned to walk backwards with their heads turned all the way around on their necks, for the
crime of attempting to see the future. But then I sent a couple of fruit baskets to the right
people, and in no time flat, I secured a cushy spot for myself in the first circle of the
Virtuous Unbaptized. Now that was a sweet deal. But before long, they caught on to my game and
transferred me here to the realm of Total Bastards. I've been shrieking for mercy like a
goddamn woman ever since."
His face contorted in the Misery of the Damned, a Disney lawyer said: "It's hell
here–there are no executive lounges, I can't get any decent risotto, and the suit I have
to wear is a cheap Brooks Brothers knock-off. I'm beeped every 30 seconds, and there's no way
to return the calls. Plus, I'm being boiled upside down in lard while jackals gnaw at the soles
of my feet. If I could just reach the fax machine on that nearby rock, I could contact some
well-placed associates and work something out, but it's just out of my grasp, and it's out of
ink and constantly blinking the message, 'Replace Toner Cartridge, Replace Toner Cartridge,
Replace Toner Cartridge.'"
He then resumed screaming in agony.
Grogar The Malefic, a Captain in Hell's elite Demon Corps and supervisor in charge of
admissions for the new circle, said Hell's future looks bright, thanks to the new circle.
"Things are definitely looking up," Grogar said. "We're now far better equipped, and we're
ready to take on the most Unholy Atrocities humanity has to offer."
"We're really on the grow down here," Grogar added. "This is an exciting time to be in
CLEVELAND -- In a devastatingly sad overestimation of his influence in the professional
world, local father Bruce Tenety, 54, expressed the heartbreaking belief Monday that his
connections could help his son Justin, a recent college graduate, find a job. "You know, I
actually have a friend in the media business, and if you shoot him an email and meet up for
coffee, he just might be able to hook you up with something," said Tenety, who depressingly
appeared to be under the impression that this tenuous contact from a conference he attended
three years ago would not only remember his name, but would also be willing to extend an offer
of employment to a 23-year-old he knows nothing about.
"I also know a guy who works at a PR firm in Mayfield Heights. Old Gary definitely owes me
one from back in the day.
Hell, you could probably call him up right now and get an interview this week. Just tell him
you're Bruce's kid."
At press time, sources confirmed Tenety had noticed his name was suspiciously absent from
the references section on his son's most recent job application.
"Stocks have reached a permanently high plateau", "subprime is contained", "there's no
icebergs this far south" and now "The Fed's balance sheet is not the threat that people seem to
think it is."
Man's ability to willfully ignore 'downside possibilities' and remain cognitively dissonant
far longer than logic (or their pocketbook) should allow seems to know no bound and none other
The Federal Reserve's Bill Dudley just unleashed what could be the piece de resistance of
"nothing to see here, move along" agitprop.
Great Picture' Cowboying a Nuke while discussing confidence in the FED, quite appropo'
TRUTH @ 9:00; Plus this week, Friday will be Huge !
Should a seated President jail someone that attempted his Assassination, or a Former
President that planned to Nuke the Yellowstone Super Volcano Caldera, or someone that sold
email password to China and CC copied all 'to and from' messages including those highly
Confidential, or blame a former President for planning 911 False Flag attack, or expose
Planned Parenthoods first Amputating tongues for silently shipping in bulk, or expose
Democrat history of Decades of Projecting blame while committing War Crimes, or end 19 Year
War in Afghanistan ( Longest War ) then Syria against Last Night's Congressional Vote to keep
status quo, or 'take a knee' and quit being President !
Investors are becoming desensitized," Bryce Doty, SVP at Sit Investment Associates, told Bloomberg, then continued the verbal
poetry: "It's like watching 'Pulp Fiction.' Halfway through, the violence doesn't even bother you anymore."
In 1906 the great statistician Francis Galton observed a competition to guess the weight of
an ox at a country fair. Eight hundred people entered. Galton, being the kind of man he was,
ran statistical tests on the numbers. He discovered that the average guess was extremely close
to the weight of the ox. This story was told by James Surowiecki, in his entertaining book The
Wisdom of Crowds. 2
Not many people know the events that followed. A few years later, the scales seemed to
become less and less reliable. Repairs would be expensive, but the fair organiser had a
brilliant idea. Since attendees were so good at guessing the weight of an ox, it was
unnecessary' to repair the scales. The organiser would simply ask everyone to guess the weight,
and take the average of their estimates.
A new problem emerged, however. Once weight-guessing competitions became the rage, some
participants tried to cheat. They even tried to get privileged information from the farmer who
had bred the ox. But there was fear that, if some people had an edge, others would be reluctant
to enter the weight-guessing competition. With few entrants, you could not rely on the wisdom
of crowds. The process of weight discovery would be damaged.
So strict regulatory rules were introduced. The farmer was asked to prepare three monthly
bulletins on the development of his ox. These bulletins were posted on the door of the market
for everyone to read. If the farmer gave his friends any other information about the beast,
that information was also to be posted on the market door. And anyone who entered the
competition who had knowledge about the ox that was not available to the world at large would
be expelled from the market. In this way the integrity of the weight-guessing process would be
Professional analysts scrutinised the contents of these regulatory' announcements and
advised their clients on their implications. They' wined and dined farmers; but once the
farmers were required to be careful about the information they' disclosed, these lunches became
less useful. Some smarter analysts realised that understanding the nutrition and health of the
ox wasn't that useful anyway. Since the ox was no longer being weighed -- what mattered was the
guesses of the bystanders -- the key' to success lav not in correctly assessing the weight of
the ox but in correctly' assessing what others would guess. Or what other people would guess
others would guess. And so on.
Some people -- such as old Farmer Buffett -- claimed that the results of this process were
more and more divorced from the realities of ox rearing. But he was ignored. True, Farmer
Buffett's beasts did appear healthy and well fed, and his finances ever more prosperous; but he
was a countryman who didn't really understand how markets work.
International bodies were established to define the rules for assessing the weight of the
ox. There were two competing standards -- generally accepted ox-weighing principles, and
international ox-weighing standards. But both agreed on one fundamental principle, which
followed from the need to eliminate the role of subjective assessment by any individual. The
weight of the ox was officially defined as the average of everyone's guesses.
One difficulty was that sometimes there were few, or even no, guesses of the weight of the
ox. But that problem was soon overcome. Mathematicians from the University of Chicago developed
models from which it was possible to estimate what, if there had actually been many guesses as
to the weight of the ox, the average of these guesses would have been. No knowledge of animal
husbandry was required, only a powerful computer.
By' this time, there was a large industry of professional weight-guessers, organisers of
weight-guessing competitions and advisers helping people to refine their guesses. Some people
suggested that it might be cheaper to repair the scales, but they' were derided: why go back to
relying on the judgement of a single auctioneer when you could benefit from the aggregated
wisdom of so many clever people?
And then the ox died. Amid all this activity', no one had remembered to feed it.
CHICAGO -- Saying it was ultimately a small price to pay in exchange for the splendid spectacle that has followed, millions of
Americans admitted Thursday that they didn't really mind having their Facebook data stolen if it meant getting to watch that
little fucker squirm.
SEATTLE -- Deciding at the last minute to hold off due to ethical concerns, Amazon founder
and CEO Jeff Bezos reportedly set aside his latest cost-cutting initiative Wednesday after
realizing it was actually human slavery. "On the surface, it seemed plausible -- owning our
employees' bodies, implementing a mandatory 18-hour workday, restricting their movements, and
not compensating them with anything besides minimal food and shelter -- but then it started to
sound really familiar in a bad way," said Bezos, who acknowledged his fears were confirmed when
Amazon's general counsel kept reporting back that such labor arrangements had been illegal
throughout the United States since 1865. "It's too bad; the increased efficiency and cost
savings would have been tremendous. And now I have to go explain to our shareholders why I
spent $1.8 million outfitting all of our managers with bullwhips, shackles, and branding
irons." Bezos went on to describe the setback as temporary, saying it wouldn't matter in five
to 10 years when his entire workforce was robots.
[Dec 31, 2018] New is well forgotten old
The following cartoon from 2008 illustrated this point
'Trickle down effect' - the favourite buzzword of neoliberal supporters. I'd like to see
trickle down effect tried at the local pub on the taps by the local mp. Imagine what would
happen. Definitely doesn't pass the pub test.
That'd be like astronomers saying that although Hellenic astrology is pseudoscientific nonsense they can probably do business
with Ptolemaic or Hindu astrology. Other scientists would laugh and call astronomy the dismal physics. Isn't it about time economists
like yourself just told the knuckle dragging ideologues - of whatever colour and salinity - to fuck off?
Ah, yes. Goldman Sachs is
famous for their "good work and integrity".
The US Department of Justice (DOJ) has said about $4.5 billion was misappropriated from 1MDB,
including some money that Goldman Sachs helped raise, by high-level officials of the fund and
their associates from 2009 through 2014.
US prosecutors filed criminal charges against 2 former Goldman Sachs bankers earlier this
month. One of them, Tim Leissner, pleaded guilty to conspiracy to launder money and
conspiracy to violate the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act.
I'm sure it was just a "few bad apples", like Goldman Sachs's Ex-CEO
Lloyd Blankfein , who was personally involved in the transaction.
You might remember Lloyd from his doing "God's
A6: None. They're all waiting for the unseen hand of the market to correct the lighting disequilibrium.
tony, December 30, 2015 at 6:12 am
Q: What do you call an economist that makes a prediction?
ben, December 30, 2015 at 3:28 pm
Two economists are walking on the street. They notice a pile of horseshit, and the older one says to the younger one: "I'll
pay you twenty thousand if you eat that." The younger one ponders for a moment, then agrees and eats it. They walk a bit more
and run into another pile of horse feces. So the younger one tells the elder: "I'll pay you twenty thousand if you eat that!".
The older economist considers the offer and starts eating. After a while the younger economists stops and asks: "What was the
point of this? We both ate a pile shit and neither of us got richer." The older one answers: "What are you talking about? We both
produced and received twenty thousand worth in income and services."
GDP. Great deposits of poo.
Clive, December 31, 2015 at 5:41 am
"This economy is really terrible."
"How bad is the economy?"
"The economy is so bad, this year oysters are making fake pearls…"
"The economy is so bad, organised crime just laid off 10 judges…"
(and so on)
Paul Jonker-Hoffrén, December 30, 2015 at 7:27 am
"It's Return to Growth!"
Two years later…
"It's Return to Growth!"
And ad finitum…
Clive, December 30, 2015 at 6:21 am
"Well there's no need to shout, I heard you knocking"
Joaquin Closet, December 30, 2015 at 7:42 am
The number of economists is the only thing that contradicts the Law of Supply and Demand.
craazyboy, December 30, 2015 at 9:00 am
Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. A micro-economist to hold the ladder, a macro-economist to rotate the room, and a university economist to develop the
math model and forecast how long it will take.
Ulysses, December 30, 2015 at 9:56 am
A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job at an oil company.
The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer
asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer hard and says "Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On
average, four – give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The economist gets up, locks
the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says, "What do you want it to equal"?
Paul Tioxon, December 30, 2015 at 10:02 am
What do you call a cruise ship sinking with 500 PhD economists chained below deck?
A good start.
allan, December 30, 2015 at 10:03 am
Yves Smith, December 30, 2015 at 4:32 pm
Oh, that is good!
An economist is someone who will tell you tomorrow why what they predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
An economist, a physicist, and an engineer are stranded on an island with a can of food, and no opener.
The engineer says, "Let's smash the can open with a rock and eat".
The physicist replies, "Naw, that's going to splatter the food all over the place. Let's light a fire, the expanding gases will
force the can to pop open and presto: warm food!"
The economist says, "Bad idea: the can will explode and the food will be all over the place. Now… let's assume we have a can opener…."
A physician, an engineer, and an economist were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest profession. The physician
said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine
is the oldest profession."
The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos, thus he was the first engineer. Therefore,
engineering is an older profession than medicine."
Then, the economist spoke up. "Yes," he said, "But who do you think created the chaos?"
The First Law of Economists: For every economist, there exists an equal and opposite economist.
The Second Law of Economists: They're both wrong.
Pareto's law of optimal economic theory:
an economic theory has reached an optimal state when no other economist can make it wronger
The Third Law of Economists : The two economists theories don't add up.
Economists: purveyors of fictions upon which the superstructure of organized robbery is raised.
(apologies to Ambrose Bierce)
Q: What do you call an Economist who tells the truth?
If you laid all the economists end to end,
it would probably be a good thing.
They still wouldn't reach a conclusion.
A farmer and two bankers are shipwrecked on an island. Two weeks later help finally arrives. The bankers greet their rescuer
who remarks how well they look.
BankerA: "we realised the potential of the natural resources on this island were tremendous".
BankerB: "I created some fiat money, we divided it up. I lent BankerA ten times my share for a coconut farm startup,
he invested ten times his share in an accountancy startup."
Rescuer: "well that's amazing, only where is it all, I don't see any produce – how did you actually survive?"
BankerA: "We each used our debt to invest in futures given the fertile land it was clear the land could generate wealth
once labour was applied. We both realised significant paper profits. Oh and we ate the farmer"
Bankers live off our backs.
What did the supply curve say to the demand curve?
If you shift a little to the right, I'll give you some more of what you want.
Why did the economist cross the road?
Because his models predicted he would.
"Market Failure" is the name that economists who believe that the market cannot ever fail use when the market fails.
Hmm, it seems you should take your own advice to heart. :-)
What is a person called who claims to predict the future and has a history of 100% failure in predictions?
a) A Charlatan
b) An Economist
c) A prophet
In the same vein:
econ entropy: money invented from hot air evaporates, what do you expect?
A criminal lawyer representing Turing Pharmaceuticals chief Martin Shkreli has informed his client that he is raising his hourly
legal fees by five thousand per cent, the lawyer has confirmed.
Minutes after Shkreli's arrest on charges of securities fraud,
the attorney, Harland Dorrinson, announced that he was hiking his fees from twelve hundred dollars an hour to sixty thousand dollars.
Shkreli, who reportedly received the news about the price hike while he was being fingerprinted, cried foul and accused his
attorney of "outrageous and inhumane price gouging."
"This is the behavior of a sociopath," Shkreli was heard screaming.
For his part, Shkreli's lawyer was unmoved by his client's complaint. "Compared to what he pays for an hour of Wu-Tang
Clan, sixty thou is a bargain," he said.
this boy dont know it yet. he is in trouble. he gonna take the heat for a lot of americans being angry at scam street, corzine,
obama. he is a diversion. if they kill him in rikers? wouldnt surprise me a bit.
This turn of events was fairly predictable Shrkeli is a safe scapegoat for US envy/hatred of just about everything. Surprised
Martin did not see this coming and move to Shanghai well beforehand.
Gotta have a scapegoat when you quietly overturn cases on the BIG BOYS.
"Then came a surprise last week, right before Thanksgiving. A federal judge ordered the men released from prison. An appeals court
had reversed their convictions the day before, without explanation"
"Carollo, Goldberg and Grimm each had been convicted on multiple counts of conspiracy to commit wire fraud. Prosecutors accused
them of paying kickbacks to brokers hired by cities and towns to oversee the bidding on municipal-investment contracts, which
local governments use to invest the proceeds from bond sales. Goldberg was sentenced to four years in prison. Carollo and Grimm
got three years each."
plunge in oil prices is taking a large toll on the formerly booming mining sector. In addition, the high
Oil costs less when dollar is strong? No lie! When $$$$ buy more of oil our trucking industry is booming? No S
Dick Tracy! We now need 40,000 more of teamsters to drive our parked 18 wheeler-s? More truck driving slots than drivers? Because
of strong $$$$? Increased labour demand through the magic of deflation! Look!
If you qualify for truck driver job, you can complete training without going into 6 figure debt, without having
to pledge a fraternity, and without having to learn the words to your school's fight song. Plus, you get to see the entire 48
states without booking a flight, get to meet beautiful young waitresses at the truck stop that serves delicious slow food. Think
of it! Now you get to relax in a modern truck where you can listen to country-and-Western's newest talent plus more much more.
"Item: Rights to a drug used to treat parasitic infections were acquired by Turing Pharmaceuticals, which specializes not in
developing new drugs but in buying existing drugs and jacking up their prices. In this case, the price went from $13.50 a tablet
to $750. ..."
That is brilliant - so Turing Pharmaceuticals is a classical - wait for it - parasitic infection!
Q: What's an investor? I know other terms such as manipulators, riggers, fixers, front runners, fraudsters, ponzi schemers, inside
traders, spoofers, scammers, front men, bagmen, market makers, interventionists, plunge protectors, rehypothecators and Corzined...
But who is Investor and what do they do?
Rasputin explained why the Fed must raise rates before the next recession, so it can lower them later:
"Certainly our Savior and Holy Fathers have denounced sin, since it is the work of the Evil One.
But how can you drive out evil except by sincere repentance?
And how can you sincerely repent if you have not sinned?"
I'm not so sure. This article might be spot on. Consider this:
Federal Reserve can print and create INFINITE digital and physical dollars. With infinite dollars, they can control EVERYTHING.
Both UP and DOWN. We can't audit the Fed, how do you know their balance sheet is really 4 trillion? Because they say so? They
could literally decide the prices of every single thing in dollar terms with unlimited dollars at their disposal.
Yo pods, next time you get a bag of M&Ms, eat the red ones first,,,
I don't think the Skxawng in charge have the organizational capability to pull off an event of this magnitude with any reasonable
expectation of success. They manipulate where they can and surf the waves just like the rest of us...
"...Can't hurt one bit to pray for some relief from all of those mounting monetary losses. If anybody has money to bail out
the oil conglomerates, God does. Maybe Goldman Sachs too, since they do God's work."
Maybe the oil corps could get together on a Sunday morning in a church somewhere and have a prayer session to pray for higher
oil prices. Realtors did when the housing crisis stuck them with a bag to hold.
Dear Lord, please help us by buying more oil.
Surely, Lord, there must be a need for a couple of million barrels of oil each day in heaven that You can buy to ease our financial
burdens. Lord, hear our prayer.
Can't hurt one bit to pray for some relief from all of those mounting monetary losses. If anybody has money to bail out
the oil conglomerates, God does. Maybe Goldman Sachs too, since they do God's work.
God might tell the oil corps to go straight to hell, if so, then Goldman can answer all those prayers being they do God's work
too. All it takes is money and the prayers are answered.
That's right Ron, the oil companies' guardian angels will make a deal with the devil to produce a lot of abiogenic petroleum and
suddenly the old fields will be oozing the stuff out again. Gushers galore on Monday morning. The banks will get the notice from
the devil to fund more drilling and away we go, happy motoring for another fifty years.
"... So anyway, what's the evidence that professional economists who publish research notes for large firms really understand the
actual economy? Have these guys at Nomura ever gotten the big picture right when it really matters? If they had, why would they be telling
...some factors such as low energy prices and the strong dollar likely continued to weigh on business activity.
Raise hands. How many here think low energy prices weighed on business activity?
Wisdom Seeker wrote on Fri, 7/24/2015 - 12:43 pm
So anyway, what's the evidence that professional economists who publish research notes for large firms really understand the
actual economy? Have these guys at Nomura ever gotten the big picture right when it really matters? If they had, why would they
be telling us?
poicv2.0 wrote on Fri, 7/24/2015 - 12:43 pm
It seems pretty logical that all that savings from lower oil price is going to result in consumers buying more IPhones,
Yukon Denalis with 25" spinner rims and new housing.
Republican preferences of Presidential candidates ;-)
Trump filed for bankruptcy protection in 1991, 1992, 2004 and 2009. I have zero interest in putting him in charge of anything
remotely connected to my prosperity or posterity.
But I will say this, with Hillary! the current frontrunner, fully 98% of democrats are insane ;-)
Witht that kind of experience, we should make him president of Puerto Rico.
Not My Real Name
Trump is too much of an ego maniac to have that kind of power.
You mean like Obama?
Wrong. The popularity of Trump and Sanders is they are actually talking reality versus the papsmear crapola that comes out
of the mouths of the corporate polititcians from both sides. They also actually have policies that appeal to the majority of the
people in their respective parties. Most people oppose the crony trade deals that get signed that do nothing for the people yet
enrich the CEO and the politician that passes the bill after they are out and get massive "speaking" fees. Not the corporatists
such as Bush and Hillary - never met a trade deal favorable to corporations they didnt like. Quid, meet Pro and Quo.
Southpark said it best regarding voting and elections: But Stan, don't you know, it's always between a giant douche and a
turd sandwich. Nearly every election since the beginning of time has been between some douche and some turd. They're the only
people who suck up enough to make it that far in politics."
Thanks for the heads up. Is there any candidate that is not in AIPAC's pocket?
WALTHAM, MA-Frustrated with a growing list of unacceptable workplace indignities, fed-up Catamount Systems employee Marc Holden
is just about 14 years away from walking out the front door of his office and never returning, sources confirmed Thursday. "I swear
to God, if things don't improve around here real fast, I am out of here in 14 years or so-I am not bluffing," Holden said, noting
that if he has to endure just a decade and a half more of company-wide incompetence and pointless micromanagement, he is gone for
good. "Seriously, I don't think I can take any more than 3,000 more days of this before I snap. Mark my words, if 2029 rolls around
and it's still the same old shit around here, I'm cleaning out my desk, getting on that elevator, and never coming back."
added that if his boss belittled him in front of the entire staff just 200 more times, he would storm right into his office and tell
him exactly where he can stick it.
This is just short term noise. Long term Dollar investors aren't going to be swayed by this, and neither should you. A strong
dollar is a fundamental part of our Federal Reserve's dual mandate, and we're lucky to have a Federal Reserve chariwoman that
understands this. We also need to dispel this myth that lower interest rates mean a weaker dollar - this empirically isn't the
The reason our economy continues to grow is precisely because of low interest rates fueling aggregate demand, which in turn
strengthens the dollar. These are some basic elementary economic facts that Zerohedgers just cant seem to understand.
Doomers on this site should consider the enourmous cost of their pessimism and far-right ideologies. There are some incredible
health benefits to believing in government, which many of you would be wise to consider. People who believe in government have
more peace of mind, produce less cortisol (the stress hormone), worry less, and are far more likely to enjoy their lesuire time.
All of these benefits reduce the risk of stress related diseases. Just look up the statistics - if you look at the disparity between
government employees and private sector employees the effects are even more extreme.
Today's best four minutes of the day: an uproarious parody of the Police's "Every Breath You Take" by students at Columbia
Business School, which purports to show the school's dean, Glenn Hubbard -- and, no, that is not Mr. Hubbard, the school confirms,
but a look-alike student -- taking Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke to task for monetary policy mistakes (in a fit of jealousy over not
getting the position). It's hard to resist the charm of any attempt to poke at the Fed, especially one that includes the couplet
"Hope your models break/bet that beard is fake." The real Mr. Hubbard was traveling and could not be reached for comment.
April 26, 2006 [George W. Bush:] "Ben Bernanke is the right man to build on the record that Alan Greenspan has established.
I will urge the Senate the act promptly to confirm Ben Bernanke as the fourteenth Chairman of the Federal Reserve."
Every change of rate
Jobs you don't create
While we still stagflate
I'll be watching you\
Every single day
Bernanke takes my pay
When growth goes away
Inflation will stay
I'll be watching you
Oh can't you see?
The Fed's where I should be
How my poor heart aches
With each of your mistakes
First you move your lips
Hike a few more BPS
When demand then dips
And the yield curve flips
I'll be watching you
Since you came supply's lost without a trace
I dream at night that I punch you in the face
Your interest policies I cannot embrace
I feel so wronged and I long for Greenspan's place
I keep cryin': Benny! Benny! Please...
Oh can't you see?
The Fed Chair should be me
How my poor heart aches
When prices escalate
Every move you make
Every oath you take
Hope your models break
Bet that beard is fake
I'll be watching you
CBS is great
Wouldn't change my fate
But we'll be watching you
We'll be watching you
Gas prices are plummeting across America thanks in part to the country doubling its daily oil exports, which is made possible by
chemical fracturing technology that scientists have said wreaks havoc on the environment. Here are some pros and cons of
Blasts tens of thousands of gallons of chemicals deep underground, out of harm's way
Prompts important conversation about whether or not people have a right to clean water
Chemical balance of breathable air getting a little staid
Fact that shale well blowout could happen at any moment emphasizes ephemeral beauty of life
Cancer research could use few more confounding variables
Those hardest hit will be the voiceless
Dilutes perfectly good chemicals
Family history providing enough birth defects as it is
Class action lawsuits always take forever and are super boring
Noise of drilling day and night could keep up the oh-so-precious rural farmers who live nearby and need all the sleep their
sweet little heads can get
Fewer excuses to spend time with oil-rich dictatorships
Gas still not zero dollars
I like the fact that you can use the word in so many ways. Some examples...
I don't know what that fracking means.
How the frack are you?
What the frack?
I'm gonna fracking beat the crap out of you!
I fracked that bitch last night.
I'm so fracked!
You're a fracking genius!
She's so fracking hot!
I wouldn't frack her with your dick and him pushing.
Let's keep going.
Go frack yourself!
You wanna frack with me?
Get the frack outta here!
I fracked your wife last night, motherfracker, what are you gonna do about it?
(Rogue) Trader. (The "rogue" term is generally not to be used explicitly especially with senior management, directors, shareholders
and clients for fear of misunderstanding.)
The position reports along "functional' and "geographic" lines to the Head of Trading and Head of the Region. (Nobody, really.
A multi-dimensional matrix structure is currently in operation so that everybody reports to several people allowing a total absence
Optional. (Some candidates may have a preference for working in head office where total confusion and chaos reigns facilitating
successful rogue trading. Other candidates may prefer a remote location where benign neglect and absence of supervision may provide
rogue trading opportunities.)
A leading edge investment bank with a global brand, presence in key financial markets, superb product range and unparalleled client
(Our PR firm told us this.)
A global trading team trading in a wide variety of cash and synthetic instruments, including a number of "proprietary" structures.
(You can lose money pretty much any way you like. There are some trades that even we don't understand but the models say we are
Supported by a world class risk management team (they are readily identifiable by their guide dogs) and operational staff and
systems (they have been specially chosen for their total ignorance.)
Excellent career prospects (We have sinecures for everybody who has failed to perform.)
Trading with the bank's capital to achieve targeted risk adjusted returns on capital under the bank's unique Economic Capital
Allocation system. (If you are half as smart as you think you are then you will be able to game the system from day 1. Everybody
Developing innovative trading strategies. (You need to be able to come up with hare brained trading schemes based on the relationship
between the El Nino cycle and market prices.)
Closely managing trading positions. (You need to be able increase your bet when your position shows losses until you bankrupt
Develop proper models and valuation procedures (You need to ensure that all pricing models are impossible to understand and give
the valuations that you want by simple unverifiable changes in model inputs.)
Risk management of positions (You will need to fudge all the Greek risk measures. We suggest you start to report risk data in
an ancient Nubian dialect that is purely oral. You will ensure that your risk always appears miniscule irrespective of market conditions.
People have a tendency to panic otherwise.)
Monitoring (You will need to be able to disguise breaches by not booking the trades or taking advantage of systems deficiencies.)
Control losses and volatility of earnings (You must disguise losses either by recording them as amounts owed to you (the Leeson
gambit), undertaking off-market trades such as deep in-the-money options (the Rusnak variation) or incorrect valuations (Rogue Trading
You need to be able to take the trading function to a new plane. (You need to show larger losses than the last rogue trader the
Detailed knowledge of financial markets and trading techniques.
(You should wax lyrically about obscure markets (the Zambian Kwatcho and Islamic finance techniques) and complex mathematics (field
theory; neural networks; fractals; Frank copula models). Everybody will think you are a genius or a fool but will be unsure of which.)
Detailed knowledge of derivatives, including exotic and non-standard structures. (Everybody knows that derivatives allow highly
leveraged positions that are impossible to understand or value accurately.)
No minimum formal educational qualifications or direct previous experience in a similar role is necessary. (Nobody believes your
CV. It is merely a statement of your aspirations. Nobody will believe you if you said that you had rogue trading experience.)<
Ability to communicate and work closely with senior management (You will need to make sure that you generate enough "phantom"
profits to make sure their bonus expectations are met.)
Ability to work closely with operational staff (You must bully them or cajole them into concealing limit breaches and losses.)
Strong leadership qualities (You will claim all profits are the result of your perspicacious skills. All losses will either disappear
or if found will be hedge losses offset against gains in other positions.)
Preferred age – under 30 years. (Have you ever heard of an old rogue trader? There is an exception for Japanese rogue traders
who are generally older.)
Strong personal qualities. (You will have "attitude". A year round sun tan and a wisp of beard underneath your chin is good. You
will treat everybody around you as idiots incapable of understanding the complex nature of your trading strategies.)
Highly motivated. (You will need to be able to hide losses and limit breaches. The Japanese rogue traders never took holidays.)
Negotiable including a strong performance linked component. (You don't need to be paid as it is assumed that you will defalcate
Social Responsibility Statement
We are proud to be an equal opportunity employer. (We do not discriminate on any basis. How else can you explain the calibre of
Directors and Senior Management not to mention risk managers and auditors that we have?)
Note: The idea is based on a column published by Trevor Sykes (writing as Pierpoint) of the Australian Financial Review [see
"Indispensable Guide For Rogue Traders" (30 January 2004) Australian Financial Review] However, the text is different.
...completely nonsensical largesse the ECB permits itself to launch, aimed at once again saving a banking system, but which will
not only not help the European people, it will make things even much worse than they already are.
... ... ...
Forget the Central Banks, as I have mentioned here many times, the ECB lowered the Reserve Ratio for member to banks to 1% (ONE
calling them criminals is an injustice to criminals
more like a swarm of locust
Feel it Reel it
The Lawyers protect the Bankers. The bankers pay the Lawyers(political contibutitions)...If you realize roughly 50-55% of the
U.S. House and Senate are lawyers/trail lawyers then it all makes sense of why we are where we are....and don't forget Obama is/was
a Lawyer as is Biden.... The Lawyers and Bankers protect each other and are at the top of the Pyramid scheme... The profession
that never gets regulated or talked about is the Law profession....The majority of Lawyers in Politics are corrupt it's that simple....We
live in a litigious society where you are encouraged to sue regardless of how friviolus it might be... Political correctness is
driven by the Lawyers who are the Politicians....
The Lawyers protect the Bankers. The bankers pay the Lawyers(political contibutitions)...
You missed the ROOT of the problem...
And the sheep keep obeying, no matter what.
Correct, most sheep don't even pay attention to politics or world events. They just want to come home after working 8 hrs while
only 3 of those hours was for themselves, and turn on some phoney distraction "Tee Vee" These people have no idea how badly they
are being represented by there favourite politician that did get elected.
If you are invited to play poker with a bunch of cheaters and you accept, sit down and aloow your money to be cheated out of you.
Do you deserve it?
[Dec 13, 2014] Citigroup to Move Headquarters to US Capitol Building
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)-The banking giant Citigroup announced on Friday that it would move its headquarters from New
York to the U.S. Capitol Building, in Washington, D.C., in early 2015.
Tracy Klugian, a spokesperson for Citi, said that the company had leased thirty thousand square feet of prime real estate on the
floor of the House of Representatives and would be interviewing "world-class architects" to redesign the space to suit its needs.
According to sources, Citi successfully outbid other firms, including JPMorgan Chase and Goldman Sachs, for the right to move
its headquarters to the House floor. ...
Who knew? Jane Austen was a dyed-in-the-wool, easy-money-loving, stimulus-demanding 'expert' on monetary policy. As Citi's
Steven Englander finds in his eloquent new year's note, it seems the antiquated authoress has much sense-and-sensibility to reproach
those of us who believe in real money and a return to a real economy. From justifying QE, "Money is the best recipe for happiness,"
to the importance of the wealth effect, "If this man had not twelve thousand a year, he would be a very stupid fellow;"
Austen offers some 'balance' to offer on Fed transparency, tapering, and congressional spending.
Via Citi's Steve Englander,
'Elinor now found the difference between the expectation of an unpleasant event, however certain
the mind may be told to consider it, and certainty itself." – particularly apt in light of the market reaction to tapering.
"Finish it at once. Let there be an end of this suspense. Fix, commit, condemn yourself." -- more on tapering
"A watch is always too fast or too slow. I cannot be dictated to by a watch." -- on the tapering calendar
"I have not wanted syllables where actions have spoken so plainly." -- advice on communications policy
"I think we are a great deal better employed, sitting comfortably here among ourselves, and doing nothing." -- insight
into labor force participation
"I do not think it worth while to wait for enjoyment until there is some real opportunity for it." -- the hysteresis
"A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of." – on the need for more stimulus
"I am sorry to tell you that I am getting very extravagant and spending all my money: and what is worse for you, I have been
spending yours too. " -- message to Congress
"If this man had not twelve thousand a year, he would be a very stupid fellow." – the importance of the wealth effect
for human capital
"Money is the best recipe for happiness." – QE justified
"If things are going untowardly one month, they are sure to mend the next." -- on economic forecasting
"There is a monstrous deal of stupid quizzing, & common-place nonsense talked, but scarcely any wit." -- FOMC press
"It would be most right, and most wise, and, therefore must involve least suffering." –taking the easy policy route
"We do not look in great cities for our best morality." – distribution effects of QE
"I don't approve of surprises. The pleasure is never enhanced and the inconvenience is considerable." -- the argument
for Fed transparency
"It is particularly incumbent on those who never change their opinion, to be secure of judging properly at first." --
nothing more need be said
"..people always live forever when there is an annuity to be paid them" -- on the need for entitlements reform
"And we mean to treat you all,' added Lydia, 'but you must lend us the money, for we have just spent ours at the shop out
there." – on balance sheet expansion
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