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Financial Humor

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Back in the Goode Olde Days, people spent uncounted hours trying to forecast the future. If they had a cat, they could try felidomancy, which is the art of using cats to predict the future. If they had feet, they could try pedomancy.

Nowadays, people indulge in fedomancy, which is the art of predicting interest rates by observing the Federal Reserve Board. It's a difficult practice.

John Wagooner,
USA Today

God, grant me the capital to accept the things I cannot change; the reserves to change the things I can; and the Fed Auction when all that blows up. Amen.

Calculated Risk

If Her Majesty the Queen wishes to be truly illuminated why most economists failed to see the Crash coming, it's very simple: you get what you pay for: neoclassical economists are mathematicians willing to bent to the dominant ideology: the free-market “religion”. Like all religions, it is showing amazing resilience in the face of empirical evidence. Or in more laymen terms: how those neoclassical sex workers could see it coming, if they all were busy performing oral sex with banksters.

The fact the most economists are intellectual prostitutes is undisputable. What is strange is that they are paid much better then porno stars. What a humiliation for the most ancient profession --

Due to the size financial skeptic dictionary is now converted to a separate page


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A quick calculation… The 2010 Wall Street bonuses
were equal to 2.88 million $50,000 jobs.

[Dec 04, 2018] The best way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your wallet. ~Benjamin Franklin

[Jan 06, 2016] "The CEO of your company has probably already earned your 2016 salary this year" [WaPo].

Calling this tightening is like looking at a guy with a 28 inch waist walking around in 38 inch pants, and saying his pants have been tightened because they they were taken in to 37 inches.

Dan Kervick, , December 16, 2015 at 03:51 PM
Oh the humanity! It will now cost banks a quarter penny more to borrow an extra dollar of all those extra reserves that they don't need.

Calling this tightening is like looking at a guy with a 28 inch waist walking around in 38 inch pants, and saying his pants have been tightened because they they were taken in to 37 inches.

[Jan 01, 2016] Economics Joke Time

| naked capitalism
Posted on by

... ... ...

The Standup Economist has a routine that has become a classic:

And of course, there are the economist variants of the lightbulb joke, originating in a 1994 Wharton Journal, as later recapped in Forbes:

Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?

A1: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.

A2: None. If it really needed changing, market forces would have caused it to happen.

A3: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.

A4: None. There is no need to change the light bulb. All the conditions for illumination are in place.

A5: None. Because, look! It's getting brighter! It's definitely getting brighter!!!

A6: None. They're all waiting for the unseen hand of the market to correct the lighting disequilibrium.

tony, December 30, 2015 at 6:12 am

Q: What do you call an economist that makes a prediction?

A: Wrong.

ben, December 30, 2015 at 3:28 pm

Two economists are walking on the street. They notice a pile of horseshit, and the older one says to the younger one: "I'll pay you twenty thousand if you eat that." The younger one ponders for a moment, then agrees and eats it. They walk a bit more and run into another pile of horse feces. So the younger one tells the elder: "I'll pay you twenty thousand if you eat that!". The older economist considers the offer and starts eating. After a while the younger economists stops and asks: "What was the point of this? We both ate a pile shit and neither of us got richer." The older one answers: "What are you talking about? We both produced and received twenty thousand worth in income and services."

GDP. Great deposits of poo.

Clive, December 31, 2015 at 5:41 am

"This economy is really terrible."

"How bad is the economy?"

"The economy is so bad, this year oysters are making fake pearls…"

"The economy is so bad, organised crime just laid off 10 judges…"

(and so on)

Paul Jonker-Hoffrén, December 30, 2015 at 7:27 am

"Knock Knock!"

"Who's there?"

"It's Return to Growth!"

Two years later…

"Knock Knock!"

"Who's there?"

"It's Return to Growth!"

And ad finitum…

Clive, December 30, 2015 at 6:21 am

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?"

"Janet Yellen"

"Well there's no need to shout, I heard you knocking"

Joaquin Closet, December 30, 2015 at 7:42 am

The number of economists is the only thing that contradicts the Law of Supply and Demand.

craazyboy, December 30, 2015 at 9:00 am

Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three. A micro-economist to hold the ladder, a macro-economist to rotate the room, and a university economist to develop the math model and forecast how long it will take.

Ulysses, December 30, 2015 at 9:56 am

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job at an oil company.

The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer hard and says "Yes, four, exactly."

Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four – give or take ten percent, but on average, four."

Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says, "What do you want it to equal"?

Paul Tioxon, December 30, 2015 at 10:02 am

What do you call a cruise ship sinking with 500 PhD economists chained below deck?

A good start.

allan, December 30, 2015 at 10:03 am

Frederic Mishkin.

Yves Smith, December 30, 2015 at 4:32 pm

Oh, that is good!


An economist is someone who will tell you tomorrow why what they predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

An economist, a physicist, and an engineer are stranded on an island with a can of food, and no opener.

The engineer says, "Let's smash the can open with a rock and eat".
The physicist replies, "Naw, that's going to splatter the food all over the place. Let's light a fire, the expanding gases will force the can to pop open and presto: warm food!"
The economist says, "Bad idea: the can will explode and the food will be all over the place. Now… let's assume we have a can opener…."

Blue Meme

A physician, an engineer, and an economist were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest profession. The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."

The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos, thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."

Then, the economist spoke up. "Yes," he said, "But who do you think created the chaos?"


The First Law of Economists: For every economist, there exists an equal and opposite economist.
The Second Law of Economists: They're both wrong.

fresno dan

Pareto's law of optimal economic theory:
an economic theory has reached an optimal state when no other economist can make it wronger

pat b

The Third Law of Economists : The two economists theories don't add up.


"Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists."
― John Kenneth Galbraith


JKG has some excellent one-liners. My favourite:

"The trouble with competition is that in the end somebody wins."

Joe Hill

"Again, since I'm not an economist I really have no idea what the wrong solution is."

~ @RudyHavenstein


[The financial crisis is worse than thought …]

James Hacker: Bernard, Humphrey should have seen this coming and warned me.

Bernard Woolley: I don't think Sir Humphrey understands economics, Prime Minister; he did read Classics, you know.

James Hacker: What about Sir Frank? He's head of the Treasury!

Bernard Woolley: Well I'm afraid he's at an even greater disadvantage in understanding economics: he's an economist.

– Yes Prime Minister, A Real Partnership


More economist jokes here:


Economists: purveyors of fictions upon which the superstructure of organized robbery is raised.
(apologies to Ambrose Bierce)


Q: What do you call an Economist who tells the truth?

A: Unemployed.


If you laid all the economists end to end,

it would probably be a good thing.

They still wouldn't reach a conclusion.


A farmer and two bankers are shipwrecked on an island. Two weeks later help finally arrives. The bankers greet their rescuer who remarks how well they look.

BankerA: "we realised the potential of the natural resources on this island were tremendous".

BankerB: "I created some fiat money, we divided it up. I lent BankerA ten times my share for a coconut farm startup, he invested ten times his share in an accountancy startup."

Rescuer: "well that's amazing, only where is it all, I don't see any produce – how did you actually survive?"

BankerA: "We each used our debt to invest in futures given the fertile land it was clear the land could generate wealth once labour was applied. We both realised significant paper profits. Oh and we ate the farmer"


Bankers live off our backs.


What did the supply curve say to the demand curve?

If you shift a little to the right, I'll give you some more of what you want.


Why did the economist cross the road?

Because his models predicted he would.


"Market Failure" is the name that economists who believe that the market cannot ever fail use when the market fails.


Hmm, it seems you should take your own advice to heart. :-)

What is a person called who claims to predict the future and has a history of 100% failure in predictions?

a) A Charlatan
b) An Economist
c) A prophet


In the same vein:
econ entropy: money invented from hot air evaporates, what do you expect?


"Economists put decimal points in their forecasts to show that they have a sense of humour"
- William Gilmore Simms (


How many economists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only one, but the lightbulb has to be hanging from the ceiling. Because economists can only screw things up.

Minnie Mouse

It takes one economist to change a light bulb and take the entire power grid down.

James McFadden

"Did you ever think that making a speech on economics is a lot like pissing down your leg? It seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else." Lyndon Johnson

[Dec 17, 2015] Thursday Humor Lawyer For Martin Shkreli Hike Fees 5,000%

Zero Hedge

A bit of humor, via The New Yorker:

A criminal lawyer representing Turing Pharmaceuticals chief Martin Shkreli has informed his client that he is raising his hourly legal fees by five thousand per cent, the lawyer has confirmed.

Minutes after Shkreli's arrest on charges of securities fraud, the attorney, Harland Dorrinson, announced that he was hiking his fees from twelve hundred dollars an hour to sixty thousand dollars.

Shkreli, who reportedly received the news about the price hike while he was being fingerprinted, cried foul and accused his attorney of "outrageous and inhumane price gouging."

"This is the behavior of a sociopath," Shkreli was heard screaming.

For his part, Shkreli's lawyer was unmoved by his client's complaint. "Compared to what he pays for an hour of Wu-Tang Clan, sixty thou is a bargain," he said.


this boy dont know it yet. he is in trouble. he gonna take the heat for a lot of americans being angry at scam street, corzine, obama. he is a diversion. if they kill him in rikers? wouldnt surprise me a bit.


This turn of events was fairly predictable Shrkeli is a safe scapegoat for US envy/hatred of just about everything. Surprised Martin did not see this coming and move to Shanghai well beforehand.


Gotta have a scapegoat when you quietly overturn cases on the BIG BOYS.

SAC insder trading

GE Capital municipal bong rigging


The 'GE Three' Go Free

"Then came a surprise last week, right before Thanksgiving. A federal judge ordered the men released from prison. An appeals court had reversed their convictions the day before, without explanation"

"Carollo, Goldberg and Grimm each had been convicted on multiple counts of conspiracy to commit wire fraud. Prosecutors accused them of paying kickbacks to brokers hired by cities and towns to oversee the bidding on municipal-investment contracts, which local governments use to invest the proceeds from bond sales. Goldberg was sentenced to four years in prison. Carollo and Grimm got three years each."

[Dec 15, 2015] New York - New York


"this town deserves a better class of criminal"

The Dark Knight - The Joker - Everything Burns - HQ (1:26)

[Dec 11, 2015] Demise of the US Middle Class Now Official

naked capitalism

Jim Haygood, December 10, 2015 at 1:11 pm

Hey, I was thinking the same thing, Johnny. This chart (from the Ambrose E-P article about China in today's links) shows that the US dollar took a mighty leap as the Asian crisis launched:

And it's doing it again since mid-2014, as J-Yel tightens while the rest of world plays competitive devaluation.


Maybe we can work as gardeners, trimming the hedges in front of the Federal Reserve Bank (and planting a little cannabis in the flowerbeds, now that it's legal in DC).

They're certainly not going to hire us to polish the gold bullion, as (1) they don't trust us, and (2) probably the gold paint would rub off of the tungsten core.

polecat, December 10, 2015 at 6:04 pm

that gives me an idea for new federal reserve crest/shield design…… three pot leaves in the upper diagonal w/ a gold trimmed tungsten bar in the lower side!

[Dec 09, 2015] Almost 70% Of US Stocks Are Below Their 200-Day Moving-Average Zero Hedge

Sudden Debt

Cramer did say yesterday that it's a buyers market and he doesn't understand why anybody would be a seller... :)

He just doomed the market!

[Oct 02, 2015] Economist's View 'Job Growth Weakens in September'

Dean Baker:
Job Growth Weakens in September:

Vile Content said...

plunge in oil prices is taking a large toll on the formerly booming mining sector. In addition, the high dollar
~~Dean Baker~

Oil costs less when dollar is strong? No lie! When $$$$ buy more of oil our trucking industry is booming? No S Dick Tracy! We now need 40,000 more of teamsters to drive our parked 18 wheeler-s? More truck driving slots than drivers? Because of strong $$$$? Increased labour demand through the magic of deflation! Look!

If you qualify for truck driver job, you can complete training without going into 6 figure debt, without having to pledge a fraternity, and without having to learn the words to your school's fight song. Plus, you get to see the entire 48 states without booking a flight, get to meet beautiful young waitresses at the truck stop that serves delicious slow food. Think of it! Now you get to relax in a modern truck where you can listen to country-and-Western's newest talent plus more much more.

All this and more from

the magic of

[Oct 02, 2015] Fashionably Lean of Thought

Jesse's Café Américain

[Sep 25, 2015] That is brilliant - so Turing Pharmaceuticals is a classical - wait for it - parasitic infection!

reason, Friday, September 25, 2015 at 01:25 AM

"Item: Rights to a drug used to treat parasitic infections were acquired by Turing Pharmaceuticals, which specializes not in developing new drugs but in buying existing drugs and jacking up their prices. In this case, the price went from $13.50 a tablet to $750. ..."

That is brilliant - so Turing Pharmaceuticals is a classical - wait for it - parasitic infection!

[Sep 24, 2015] I love free markets

See also

[Sep 20, 2015] The American Dream By The Provocateur Network - YouTube

A simple animated explanation of HOW the private Federal Reserve steals your money and WHY it must be stopped

[Sep 16, 2015] Axel Merk Warns Investors Are In For A Rude Awakening Zero Hedge

Q: What's an investor? I know other terms such as manipulators, riggers, fixers, front runners, fraudsters, ponzi schemers, inside traders, spoofers, scammers, front men, bagmen, market makers, interventionists, plunge protectors, rehypothecators and Corzined... But who is Investor and what do they do?

A: Real investors invest in politicians.

[Sep 16, 2015] WTI Crude Soars Above $47 As Algos Finally Read DoE Report

Sep 16, 2015 | Zero Hedge

It appears the machines decided to read the whole DOE report after all... and run some more stops.

[Sep 16, 2015] Get out of jail free

[Sep 07, 2015] Why The New Car Bubble's Days Are Numbered

' Yes I can! '

Sep 07, 2015 | Zero Hedge

Never One Roach

<< Consumers focused on the dollar amount of their monthly payment have taken advantage of low interest rates to sometimes buy more car than they might otherwise be able to afford. >>

Well, of course, I'm going to buy the Biggest chartreuse Escalade I can! I got to fill that 4.872 sf subprime house garage with something.

' Yes I can! '

[Sep 05, 2015] Fed Watch If You Ever Wondered Whose Side The Federal Reserve Is On...

Economist's View

Julio said...

Rasputin explained why the Fed must raise rates before the next recession, so it can lower them later:

"Certainly our Savior and Holy Fathers have denounced sin, since it is the work of the Evil One.
But how can you drive out evil except by sincere repentance?
And how can you sincerely repent if you have not sinned?"

[Aug 29, 2015] Why The Great Petrodollar Unwind Could Be $2.5 Trillion Larger Than Anyone Thinks

Aug 29, 2015 | Zero Hedge

cherry picker

It is humorous to note that the words "In God We Trust" are printed on the greenback.

Does that mean "In God We Trust" is only true if there is money?

If there is no money you can't trust "God" anymore?

A few decades ago all the evangelicals were always crying for donations to help with "God's Work" and Goldman Sach's states it is doing "God's" work too.

I think that may be a problem for many. They may feel God can't do anything without money, which strips the divine out of the "God" belief, doesn't it?

For many, God is the big financier in the sky :)

[Aug 26, 2015] What If The Crash Is As Rigged As Everything Else

Beam Me Up Scotty

I'm not so sure. This article might be spot on. Consider this:

Federal Reserve can print and create INFINITE digital and physical dollars. With infinite dollars, they can control EVERYTHING. Both UP and DOWN. We can't audit the Fed, how do you know their balance sheet is really 4 trillion? Because they say so? They could literally decide the prices of every single thing in dollar terms with unlimited dollars at their disposal.


Yo pods, next time you get a bag of M&Ms, eat the red ones first,,,


I don't think the Skxawng in charge have the organizational capability to pull off an event of this magnitude with any reasonable expectation of success. They manipulate where they can and surf the waves just like the rest of us...

Fahque Imuhnutjahb

...With the announcement of 'Merika's "ownership society", a huge housing bubble was blown, then popped. Who's to blame?, the ignorant borrowers

(akin to 4 year old climbing on the counter to get to the cookie jar), or the lenders to the lenders (akin to the parent standing back ,watching

the 4 year old scaling the precarious chair to get to the cookie jar 30 minutes before suppertime.)?

When the kid falls, busting the cookie jar, the parent rushes in eats the cookies, then raids the kids piggy bank to pay for the jar, then charges the

kid for the band-aids for the kids knees and elbows. DISASTER CAPITALISM


Russian roulette only they point the gun at your head, not theirs.

That, sir, is an awesome quote and should be used repeatedly.

[Aug 22, 2015] 330 Ramp Capital™ on Twitter @BarbarianCap not what I'm seeing

Carnage Worst Week For Stocks In 4 Years, VIX Soars Most Ever

Zero Hedge
J S Bach



"Hi, uh... Janet? Lloyd here again."

"Shalom, Lloyd."

"Yeah... whatevevah... shalom to you, too. Hey, we've had a pretty serious drop in the ma-"

"Yeah, yeah, I heard. So how much do you need this time?"

"I dunno, maybe a couple hundred billion?"

"Sigh. Okay... you'll have to wait til Monday though. I'll have to call Evelyn in the City to get approval on this one. Shouldn't be a problem."

"Thanks, gworgeous. We'll have to get together soon and toast QE with a little Manischewitz".


* click * Ness.

For the love of God - if there was ever a perfect song for today - Steely Dan nails it. Enjoy Black Friday boyz!

When Black Friday comes
I'll stand down by the door
And catch the grey men when they
Dive from the fourteenth floor

When Black Friday comes
I'll collect everything I'm owed
And before my friends find out
I'll be on the road

[Aug 13, 2015] US Shale Declining and OPEC Still Climbing - Peak Oil BarrelPeak Oil Barrel

"...Can't hurt one bit to pray for some relief from all of those mounting monetary losses. If anybody has money to bail out the oil conglomerates, God does. Maybe Goldman Sachs too, since they do God's work."
Ronald Walterm 08/11/2015 at 2:49 pm
Maybe the oil corps could get together on a Sunday morning in a church somewhere and have a prayer session to pray for higher oil prices. Realtors did when the housing crisis stuck them with a bag to hold.

Dear Lord, please help us by buying more oil. Surely, Lord, there must be a need for a couple of million barrels of oil each day in heaven that You can buy to ease our financial burdens. Lord, hear our prayer.

Can't hurt one bit to pray for some relief from all of those mounting monetary losses. If anybody has money to bail out the oil conglomerates, God does. Maybe Goldman Sachs too, since they do God's work.

God might tell the oil corps to go straight to hell, if so, then Goldman can answer all those prayers being they do God's work too. All it takes is money and the prayers are answered.


MarbleZeppelin, 08/11/2015 at 4:17 pm
That's right Ron, the oil companies' guardian angels will make a deal with the devil to produce a lot of abiogenic petroleum and suddenly the old fields will be oozing the stuff out again. Gushers galore on Monday morning. The banks will get the notice from the devil to fund more drilling and away we go, happy motoring for another fifty years.

Paul Craig Roberts The Eroding Character Of The American People Zero Hedge


OK, yesterday, 7/23/2015, I was sent to a Federal Pen, I spent five hours there doing mock job interviews. (This is the place that had Johnny Taliban for a while..

Me: "What was you're former occupation?"

Him: "I was a bank robber. There wasn't enough money in it, that's why I'm here."

Me: "What do you mean a bank robber? That 's been legalized since 2008! Call your fucking lawyer!!"

[Jul 24, 2015] 200PM Water Cooler 7-20-15

Lloyd Blankfein becomes a billionaire [Bloomberg]. See what happens when you've got a President who will stand between you and the pitchforks?
Jul 24, 2015 | naked capitalism

[Jul 24, 2015] Nomura on Q2 GDP and Annual Revision

"... So anyway, what's the evidence that professional economists who publish research notes for large firms really understand the actual economy? Have these guys at Nomura ever gotten the big picture right when it really matters? If they had, why would they be telling us?..."
Rob Dawg wrote on Fri, 7/24/2015 - 12:32 pm
...some factors such as low energy prices and the strong dollar likely continued to weigh on business activity.

Raise hands. How many here think low energy prices weighed on business activity?

Wisdom Seeker wrote on Fri, 7/24/2015 - 12:43 pm

So anyway, what's the evidence that professional economists who publish research notes for large firms really understand the actual economy? Have these guys at Nomura ever gotten the big picture right when it really matters? If they had, why would they be telling us?

poicv2.0 wrote on Fri, 7/24/2015 - 12:43 pm

It seems pretty logical that all that savings from lower oil price is going to result in consumers buying more IPhones, Yukon Denalis with 25" spinner rims and new housing.

[Jul 23, 2015] Onion Explains The Rise Of China

Jul 23, 2015 | The Onion

How do you build the world's second-largest economy? The Onion explains China's growth.

[Jul 22, 2015] Short tutorial on Neoliberalism

Man Pushed Off Plate Of Chicken Wings By Larger Male

[Jul 10, 2015] Sweet smell of napalm fracking

allan July 9, 2015 at 2:30 pm

From the Department of What Could Possibly Go Wrong:
Group Tries to Bypass NYS Fracking Ban By Using Gel Propane
At least farmers won't then be irrigating using fracking wastewater!

Peter Pan July 9, 2015 at 3:26 pm

So would this be considered a sort of napalm fracking?

sufferinsuccotash July 9, 2015 at 3:40 pm

The smell of victory!

[Jul 10, 2015] Trump'd

"...This is bordering on hero worship with this guy and, frankly, I think that's dangerous. That's exactly how the Ds ended up shoving Obama down everyone's throat and look how lousy that turned out."
Jul 9, 2015 | Zero Hedge

Republican preferences of Presidential candidates ;-)

1st choice 2nd choice
Donald Trump



Jeb Bush 11% 7%
Rand Paul 11% 7%


Trump filed for bankruptcy protection in 1991, 1992, 2004 and 2009. I have zero interest in putting him in charge of anything remotely connected to my prosperity or posterity.

But I will say this, with Hillary! the current frontrunner, fully 98% of democrats are insane ;-)

Paveway IV

Witht that kind of experience, we should make him president of Puerto Rico.

Not My Real Name

Trump is too much of an ego maniac to have that kind of power.

You mean like Obama?


Wrong. The popularity of Trump and Sanders is they are actually talking reality versus the papsmear crapola that comes out of the mouths of the corporate polititcians from both sides. They also actually have policies that appeal to the majority of the people in their respective parties. Most people oppose the crony trade deals that get signed that do nothing for the people yet enrich the CEO and the politician that passes the bill after they are out and get massive "speaking" fees. Not the corporatists such as Bush and Hillary - never met a trade deal favorable to corporations they didnt like. Quid, meet Pro and Quo.

Southpark said it best regarding voting and elections: But Stan, don't you know, it's always between a giant douche and a turd sandwich. Nearly every election since the beginning of time has been between some douche and some turd. They're the only people who suck up enough to make it that far in politics."


Thanks for the heads up. Is there any candidate that is not in AIPAC's pocket?

[Jun 09, 2015] People and Power – The Technology Threat

Jun 09, 2015 | naked capitalism

Ep3, June 8, 2015 at 6:15 am

Yves, my first level accounting professor told me to minor in computers, and he was tremendously correct. All accounting today relies on database management, either SQL or some close cousin.

Sure, u still have to be able to put together a balance sheet and P&L. But the more u can automate that, the less the traditional accounting function is needed.

sam s smith, June 8, 2015 at 1:08 pm

Automation has been very useful to accounting fraud.

[May 15, 2015] Fed-Up Employee Just About 14 Years Away From Walking Out Door

The Burning Platform

WALTHAM, MA-Frustrated with a growing list of unacceptable workplace indignities, fed-up Catamount Systems employee Marc Holden is just about 14 years away from walking out the front door of his office and never returning, sources confirmed Thursday. "I swear to God, if things don't improve around here real fast, I am out of here in 14 years or so-I am not bluffing," Holden said, noting that if he has to endure just a decade and a half more of company-wide incompetence and pointless micromanagement, he is gone for good. "Seriously, I don't think I can take any more than 3,000 more days of this before I snap. Mark my words, if 2029 rolls around and it's still the same old shit around here, I'm cleaning out my desk, getting on that elevator, and never coming back." Holden added that if his boss belittled him in front of the entire staff just 200 more times, he would storm right into his office and tell him exactly where he can stick it.

[Apr 14, 2015] Levitation of the US financial market

Hat tip to Jesse

[Mar 28, 2015] The confidence fairy seems to have turned into a confidence witch

Economist's View

Gloomy European Economist, Francesco Saraceno:

The Confidence Witch: ...The confidence fairy seems to have turned into a confidence witch. One more victim of the crisis. But this one will not be missed

... ... ...

pgl said...

Maybe this should be called the Confidence Bitch.

kthomas said in reply to pgl...

The Confidence the Clown.

[Mar 19, 2015] Dollar Flash Crashes Currency Market Pulverized As Dollar Implodes After Close

Zero Hedge


This is just short term noise. Long term Dollar investors aren't going to be swayed by this, and neither should you. A strong dollar is a fundamental part of our Federal Reserve's dual mandate, and we're lucky to have a Federal Reserve chariwoman that understands this. We also need to dispel this myth that lower interest rates mean a weaker dollar - this empirically isn't the case.

The reason our economy continues to grow is precisely because of low interest rates fueling aggregate demand, which in turn strengthens the dollar. These are some basic elementary economic facts that Zerohedgers just cant seem to understand.


Doomers on this site should consider the enourmous cost of their pessimism and far-right ideologies. There are some incredible health benefits to believing in government, which many of you would be wise to consider. People who believe in government have more peace of mind, produce less cortisol (the stress hormone), worry less, and are far more likely to enjoy their lesuire time. All of these benefits reduce the risk of stress related diseases. Just look up the statistics - if you look at the disparity between government employees and private sector employees the effects are even more exreme.

[Feb 1, 2015] CBS Follies Every Breath You Take Lyrics

See also YouTube - Every Breath Bernanke Takes. It's really high qaulity parody... The lead performer's name is Michael O'Rorke. MBA 2006... Poor Helicopter Ben :-). 4:15pm
Feb 1, 2008 | The Big Picture

reported that the WSJ's Marketbeat was just as amused:

Glenn Hubbard: King of Pain

Today's best four minutes of the day: an uproarious parody of the Police's "Every Breath You Take" by students at Columbia Business School, which purports to show the school's dean, Glenn Hubbard -- and, no, that is not Mr. Hubbard, the school confirms, but a look-alike student -- taking Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke to task for monetary policy mistakes (in a fit of jealousy over not getting the position). It's hard to resist the charm of any attempt to poke at the Fed, especially one that includes the couplet "Hope your models break/bet that beard is fake." The real Mr. Hubbard was traveling and could not be reached for comment.

April 26, 2006 [George W. Bush:] "Ben Bernanke is the right man to build on the record that Alan Greenspan has established. I will urge the Senate the act promptly to confirm Ben Bernanke as the fourteenth Chairman of the Federal Reserve."

Every breath you take
Every change of rate
Jobs you don't create
While we still stagflate
I'll be watching you\

Every single day
Bernanke takes my pay
When growth goes away
Inflation will stay
I'll be watching you

Oh can't you see?
The Fed's where I should be
How my poor heart aches
With each of your mistakes

First you move your lips
Hike a few more BPS
When demand then dips
And the yield curve flips
I'll be watching you

Since you came supply's lost without a trace
I dream at night that I punch you in the face
Your interest policies I cannot embrace
I feel so wronged and I long for Greenspan's place
I keep cryin': Benny! Benny! Please...

Oh can't you see?
The Fed Chair should be me
How my poor heart aches
When prices escalate

Every move you make
Every oath you take
Hope your models break
Bet that beard is fake
I'll be watching you

CBS is great
Wouldn't change my fate
But we'll be watching you
We'll be watching you

[Jan 30, 2015] Crude Oil Prices Are Spiking (Again)

Zero Hedge


top cnbc headline:

Why crude won't rebound any time soon

Frank N. Beans

If lower oil prices were great for consumers, then higher oil prices indicate that the economy is expanding, which is also great for consumers. Win Win!

(this is sarcasm)

[Jan 29, 2015] The Pros & Cons Of Fracking

Zero Hedge
Gas prices are plummeting across America thanks in part to the country doubling its daily oil exports, which is made possible by chemical fracturing technology that scientists have said wreaks havoc on the environment. Here are some pros and cons of fracking:




I like the fact that you can use the word in so many ways. Some examples...

Frack you!

Frack me!

I don't know what that fracking means.


How the frack are you?

What the frack?

I'm gonna fracking beat the crap out of you!

I fracked that bitch last night.

I'm so fracked!

Frack off!

You're a fracking genius!

She's so fracking hot!

I wouldn't frack her with your dick and him pushing.


Fracking A!

Wanna frack?


Let's keep going.

Go frack yourself!

You wanna frack with me?

Get the frack outta here!

I fracked your wife last night, motherfracker, what are you gonna do about it?

[Jan 26, 2015] Job Description – Rogue Trader

Blast from the past
Jan 26, 2008 |

The following is an extract from "Traders, Guns & Money: Knowns & Unknowns in the Dazzling World of Derivatives"J (2006; Pearson Education) © 2006 Satyajit Das

Position Title

(Rogue) Trader. (The "rogue" term is generally not to be used explicitly especially with senior management, directors, shareholders and clients for fear of misunderstanding.)

Reporting Line

The position reports along "functional' and "geographic" lines to the Head of Trading and Head of the Region. (Nobody, really. A multi-dimensional matrix structure is currently in operation so that everybody reports to several people allowing a total absence of accountability.)


Optional. (Some candidates may have a preference for working in head office where total confusion and chaos reigns facilitating successful rogue trading. Other candidates may prefer a remote location where benign neglect and absence of supervision may provide rogue trading opportunities.)

Organisational Environment

A leading edge investment bank with a global brand, presence in key financial markets, superb product range and unparalleled client list.

(Our PR firm told us this.)

A global trading team trading in a wide variety of cash and synthetic instruments, including a number of "proprietary" structures.

(You can lose money pretty much any way you like. There are some trades that even we don't understand but the models say we are making money).

Supported by a world class risk management team (they are readily identifiable by their guide dogs) and operational staff and systems (they have been specially chosen for their total ignorance.)

Excellent career prospects (We have sinecures for everybody who has failed to perform.)

Key Responsibilities

Trading with the bank's capital to achieve targeted risk adjusted returns on capital under the bank's unique Economic Capital Allocation system. (If you are half as smart as you think you are then you will be able to game the system from day 1. Everybody else has.)

Developing innovative trading strategies. (You need to be able to come up with hare brained trading schemes based on the relationship between the El Nino cycle and market prices.)

Closely managing trading positions. (You need to be able increase your bet when your position shows losses until you bankrupt the firm.)

Major Challenges

Develop proper models and valuation procedures (You need to ensure that all pricing models are impossible to understand and give the valuations that you want by simple unverifiable changes in model inputs.)

Risk management of positions (You will need to fudge all the Greek risk measures. We suggest you start to report risk data in an ancient Nubian dialect that is purely oral. You will ensure that your risk always appears miniscule irrespective of market conditions. People have a tendency to panic otherwise.)

Monitoring (You will need to be able to disguise breaches by not booking the trades or taking advantage of systems deficiencies.)

Control losses and volatility of earnings (You must disguise losses either by recording them as amounts owed to you (the Leeson gambit), undertaking off-market trades such as deep in-the-money options (the Rusnak variation) or incorrect valuations (Rogue Trading 101).)

You need to be able to take the trading function to a new plane. (You need to show larger losses than the last rogue trader the firm employed.)

Selection Criteria

Detailed knowledge of financial markets and trading techniques.

(You should wax lyrically about obscure markets (the Zambian Kwatcho and Islamic finance techniques) and complex mathematics (field theory; neural networks; fractals; Frank copula models). Everybody will think you are a genius or a fool but will be unsure of which.)

Detailed knowledge of derivatives, including exotic and non-standard structures. (Everybody knows that derivatives allow highly leveraged positions that are impossible to understand or value accurately.)
No minimum formal educational qualifications or direct previous experience in a similar role is necessary. (Nobody believes your CV. It is merely a statement of your aspirations. Nobody will believe you if you said that you had rogue trading experience.)<

Ability to communicate and work closely with senior management (You will need to make sure that you generate enough "phantom" profits to make sure their bonus expectations are met.)

Ability to work closely with operational staff (You must bully them or cajole them into concealing limit breaches and losses.)

Strong leadership qualities (You will claim all profits are the result of your perspicacious skills. All losses will either disappear or if found will be hedge losses offset against gains in other positions.)

Desirable Criteria

Preferred age – under 30 years. (Have you ever heard of an old rogue trader? There is an exception for Japanese rogue traders who are generally older.)

Strong personal qualities. (You will have "attitude". A year round sun tan and a wisp of beard underneath your chin is good. You will treat everybody around you as idiots incapable of understanding the complex nature of your trading strategies.)

Highly motivated. (You will need to be able to hide losses and limit breaches. The Japanese rogue traders never took holidays.)


Negotiable including a strong performance linked component. (You don't need to be paid as it is assumed that you will defalcate ample amounts.)

Social Responsibility Statement

We are proud to be an equal opportunity employer. (We do not discriminate on any basis. How else can you explain the calibre of Directors and Senior Management not to mention risk managers and auditors that we have?)

Note: The idea is based on a column published by Trevor Sykes (writing as Pierpoint) of the Australian Financial Review [see "Indispensable Guide For Rogue Traders" (30 January 2004) Australian Financial Review] However, the text is different.

[Jan 24, 2015] A Bunch Of Criminals

Zero Hedge

...completely nonsensical largesse the ECB permits itself to launch, aimed at once again saving a banking system, but which will not only not help the European people, it will make things even much worse than they already are.

... ... ...

Forget the Central Banks, as I have mentioned here many times, the ECB lowered the Reserve Ratio for member to banks to 1% (ONE PERCENT)!


calling them criminals is an injustice to criminals


more like a swarm of locust

Feel it Reel it

The Lawyers protect the Bankers. The bankers pay the Lawyers(political contibutitions)...If you realize roughly 50-55% of the U.S. House and Senate are lawyers/trail lawyers then it all makes sense of why we are where we are....and don't forget Obama is/was a Lawyer as is Biden.... The Lawyers and Bankers protect each other and are at the top of the Pyramid scheme... The profession that never gets regulated or talked about is the Law profession....The majority of Lawyers in Politics are corrupt it's that simple....We live in a litigious society where you are encouraged to sue regardless of how friviolus it might be... Political correctness is driven by the Lawyers who are the Politicians....


The Lawyers protect the Bankers. The bankers pay the Lawyers(political contibutitions)...

You missed the ROOT of the problem...

And the sheep keep obeying, no matter what.


Correct, most sheep don't even pay attention to politics or world events. They just want to come home after working 8 hrs while only 3 of those hours was for themselves, and turn on some phoney distraction "Tee Vee" These people have no idea how badly they are being represented by there favourite politician that did get elected.

If you are invited to play poker with a bunch of cheaters and you accept, sit down and aloow your money to be cheated out of you.

Do you deserve it?

[Dec 19, 2014] S&P500 in 2014

[Dec 13, 2014] Citigroup to Move Headquarters to US Capitol Building via @newyorker

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)-The banking giant Citigroup announced on Friday that it would move its headquarters from New York to the U.S. Capitol Building, in Washington, D.C., in early 2015.

Tracy Klugian, a spokesperson for Citi, said that the company had leased thirty thousand square feet of prime real estate on the floor of the House of Representatives and would be interviewing "world-class architects" to redesign the space to suit its needs.

According to sources, Citi successfully outbid other firms, including JPMorgan Chase and Goldman Sachs, for the right to move its headquarters to the House floor. ...

[Jan 26, 2014] From elephant to a mouse

Jan 25, 2014 |

[Jan 03, 2014] Mixed Thinking about Markets

Economist's View

The Keystone Garter said...

...the avg Americans gives away 42% of found money. But first year economics students only give away 20%. The economics curriculum in the USA needs to change.

[Jan 02, 2014] The Corporate "Free Speech" Racket by Haley Sweetland Edwards

The Washington Monthly

[Dec 30, 2013] Possibility of the end of Great Stock Market Rally of 2013

Jane Austen Explains Monetary Policy

"I wonder how Harry Potter would put it..."

Zero Hedge

Who knew? Jane Austen was a dyed-in-the-wool, easy-money-loving, stimulus-demanding 'expert' on monetary policy. As Citi's Steven Englander finds in his eloquent new year's note, it seems the antiquated authoress has much sense-and-sensibility to reproach those of us who believe in real money and a return to a real economy. From justifying QE, "Money is the best recipe for happiness," to the importance of the wealth effect, "If this man had not twelve thousand a year, he would be a very stupid fellow;" Austen offers some 'balance' to offer on Fed transparency, tapering, and congressional spending.

Via Citi's Steve Englander,

'Elinor now found the difference between the expectation of an unpleasant event, however certain the mind may be told to consider it, and certainty itself." – particularly apt in light of the market reaction to tapering.




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Last modified: December 05, 2018

Something good in the USA future

rafael martorell , says: December 4, 2018 at 12:01 pm GMT

As Chalmers Johnson once said upon his wife question if he can see something good in the USA future: " yes ,the financial collapse"

Why did the stock market suffer its deepest plunge since October on Tuesday Here's an interesting theory

John, 7 hours ago
It's very simple and follows a familiar pattern:
  1. America has a problem, and,
  2. Trump claims to be able to solve the problem, and,
  3. Trump goes somewhere, and talks to somebody, and then later claims, contrary to what the other party is saying, that he has solved the problem, and, then
  4. The problem later turns out NOT to be solved.