Back in the Goode Olde Days, people spent uncounted hours trying
to forecast the future. If they had a cat, they could try felidomancy, which is the art of using
cats to predict the future. If they had feet, they could try pedomancy.
Nowadays, people indulge in fedomancy, which is the art of predicting
interest rates by observing the Federal Reserve Board. It's a difficult practice.
If Her Majesty the Queen wishes to be truly illuminated why
most economists failed to see the Crash coming, it's very simple: you get what you pay for: neoclassical
economists are mathematicians willing to bent to the dominant ideology: the free-market “religion”.
Like all religions, it is showing amazing resilience in the face of empirical evidence. Or in
more laymen terms: how those neoclassical sex workers could see it coming, if they all were busy
performing oral sex with banksters.
The fact the most economists are intellectual prostitutes is
undisputable. What is strange is that they are paid much better then porno stars. What a humiliation
for the most ancient profession --
Due to the size financial skeptic dictionary is now converted to a
“The CEO of your company has probably already earned your 2016 salary this year” [WaPo,
Dec 6, 2016].
Calling this tightening is like looking at a guy with a 28 inch waist walking around in 38 inch
pants, and saying his pants have been tightened because they they were taken in to 37 inches. Dan
December 16, 2015 at 03:51 PM
RE: Using economic statistics in an impartial and informed way [But that would be like science
instead of politics. No one ever called it the scientific economy. It is called the political economy,
silly :<) ]
December 14, 2015 at 05:12 AM
The new American dream is to buy a 35k car with your 500fico score and park it front of your
1500/month studio apartment!
"... "The Federal Reserve is not currently forecasting a recession." – Ben Bernanke (January
2008) ..." Sep 20, 2015.
Using metrics in economics and applying mathematical formulas to quantify all aspects of the
economy has been a major and far reaching disaster. None worse, perhaps with the exception of unemployment
and inflation, than the totally fraudulent metric "GDP".
I'm starting a Hillary Clinton blow up doll factory to help support the economy.............
HP is microcosm of what Carly will do to the US: carve it like a pumpkin and leave the shell
out to bake in the sun for a few weeks. But she'll make sure and poison the seeds too! Don't want
anything growing out of that pesky Palm division...
HP - that company that sells computers and printers made in China and ink cartridges made in
Yet another instance of a person or entity that is fucking causing this meltdown with their fraud
and theft suddenly warning about it. Just like that brit douche bag, just like Greenspan, and now
this. Just trying to protect themselves when the disaster they have wrought comes unglued, so they
can say something along the lines of "it wasn't me, I was trying to warn you this would happen, remember?"
What I'll never understand is why Goldman Sachs still has credibility after the 2007 crash. Are
people just lazy? Comment by
"9/11 airline puts". Thanks, that pretty much says it all
September folks, *SEPTEMBER* - the month for high scale controlled demolitions, did you forgot
it?! The kind which benefits very few clever guys and screw millions of suckers. Luc X. Ifer
Zero Hedge, Sep 5, 2015.
The difference between the Rubin wing and the Warren wing was once put to me this way: one side
wakes up every morning wondering what America would be like without a middle class, the other wakes
up wondering what America would be like without Goldman Sachs. Rubin’s mindset is perhaps best illustrated
by the fact that in the 1990s, Rubin was surprised to learn that for the past 20 years workers’ wages
hadn’t increased with their productivity.
KidPsychon Fri, 9/4/2015
- 8:24 am
“Neoliberal economics is like a glass-bottomed party boat sailing over the world where the
party-goers long ago lost interest in even casually looking down.”
“China feared that casinos in Macau owned by the billionaire gambling magnate and Republican
party funder Sheldon Adelson were used by US intelligence agents to entrap and blackmail Chinese
“Federal judges vacated five of imprisoned former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich’s (D) convictions
in a unanimous ruling that will prompt a retrial… [T]he decision from the 7th Circuit Court of Appeals
questioned whether his proposal to trade a cabinet appointment in exchange for appointing top Obama
aide Valerie Jarrett to the Senate seat is actually a crime” [The
Hill]. Why don’t we just stop all the hole-in-corner stuff and put cabinet appointments on the
“St. Louis Federal Reserve Bank President James Bullard said Monday that while next week may
be too soon for the Fed to raise interest rates, the chance of the Federal Open Market Committee
lifting rates off zero at its September meeting were above 50%” [Market
News]. What? No more free money for people who already have it?
Who needs workers anymore. Just access cheap Fed money and buyback shares. The laid off workers
can become stock traders.
"This South Carolina murder is why EVERY police officer in America should have a body camera
AND a dashboard camera." Too bad that can't be extended to meetings between lobbyists and politicians.
Bankruptcy is part of the American dream. See Harry Truman and stop being a douche.
A nice fresh [government statistics] pig. For the vegans. It is kinda interesting that the initial
claims doesn't seem to be capturing the oil bust. If you bet on fake government statistics in the
fake market and then use the profits to buy the precious [metals] have you transmuted fake money
into real money? Thursday Unemployment
The central banks are hostage-takers, and to show you all that they're serious, they shot one
of the hostages, Cyprus. Banks would be foolish not to use this financial nuclear weapon against
leverage 1:99 and go bust. 0.8% to cash down. This should make bank runs so much more exciting.
Ben, while delusional and dishonest, is not entirely dumb. He knew which side of the bread was
buttered for him and his masters.
True Legacy Zero Hedge. Apr 7, 2015
But getting back to the accuracy of Ivy League educated Wall Street economists – they missed
by 50%. That entitles them to a $250,000 bonus. The Establishment Survey showed a pitiful 126,000
increase in low paying service jobs in March. Get prepared for the usual weather excuse.
The Burning Platform, Apr 3, 2015
What is Jamie Demand? [Apr 01, 2015]
The equity markets are just another Fed-fueled, Fed-managed bubble.
Global warming is one serious problem, of course, but the global bullshit storms emanating from
the world's financial centers are becoming even more deeply discouraging.
Jesse's Café Américain
In the States, journalistic independence and integrity were some years ago led down a blind alley,
and quietly strangled.
Jesse's Café Américain
Feds are like the girlfriend who keeps promising you'll get a little when the time is right.
“You will know that the financial markets have reached peak instability and volatility
when Britney Spears rings the opening bell.” --
Zero Hedge. 10/24/2014
The behavior of the Fed may be looked at by future historians as so bad as to be incompetent,
rather than notorious, in the manner of the 'Greenspan defense.' --
Jesse's Café Américain, Trust Us
The promiscuous use of sanctions – as part of “regime change” strategies – has become almost
an addiction in Washington. One can envision some tough-talking U.S. diplomat confronting the
leaders of a troublesome nation by going around the room and saying, “we sanction you, we sanction
you, we sanction you.” --
[Feb 24, 2015] It is a bubble, it will eventually collapse, the Fed and the Wall Street courtiers
know it, but don't care. This is the entitled triumph of the "careless few" --
The current level of S&P 500 is the testament of the decline and fall of common decency.
I have noticed lately that the spinmeisters are now latching on to the term 'currency war,' but
are trying to deflect it merely to an intensification of the beggar thy neighbor strategy
of devaluing your currency to subsidize exports and penalize imports.
Neoliberal progress. On our "neoliberal" planet the number of people who have a smartphone/cell
phone is considerably more that number of those who have access to clean drinking water and water
A6: None. They're all waiting for the unseen hand of the market to correct the lighting disequilibrium.
tony, December 30, 2015 at 6:12 am
Q: What do you call an economist that makes a prediction?
ben, December 30, 2015 at 3:28 pm
Two economists are walking on the street. They notice a pile of horseshit, and the older
one says to the younger one: "I'll pay you twenty thousand if you eat that." The younger one
ponders for a moment, then agrees and eats it. They walk a bit more and run into another pile
of horse feces. So the younger one tells the elder: "I'll pay you twenty thousand if you eat
that!". The older economist considers the offer and starts eating. After a while the younger
economists stops and asks: "What was the point of this? We both ate a pile shit and neither of
us got richer." The older one answers: "What are you talking about? We both produced and
received twenty thousand worth in income and services."
GDP. Great deposits of poo.
Clive, December 31, 2015 at 5:41 am
"This economy is really terrible."
"How bad is the economy?"
"The economy is so bad, this year oysters are making fake pearls…"
"The economy is so bad, organised crime just laid off 10 judges…"
(and so on)
Paul Jonker-Hoffrén, December 30, 2015 at 7:27 am
"It's Return to Growth!"
Two years later…
"It's Return to Growth!"
And ad finitum…
Clive, December 30, 2015 at 6:21 am
"Well there's no need to shout, I heard you knocking"
Joaquin Closet, December 30, 2015 at 7:42 am
The number of economists is the only thing that contradicts the Law of Supply and Demand.
craazyboy, December 30, 2015 at 9:00 am
Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. A micro-economist to hold the ladder, a macro-economist to rotate the room, and a
university economist to develop the math model and forecast how long it will take.
Ulysses, December 30, 2015 at 9:56 am
A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job at an oil company.
The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The
mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at
the interviewer hard and says "Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two
equal?" The accountant says "On average, four – give or take ten percent, but on average,
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two
equal?" The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the
interviewer and says, "What do you want it to equal"?
Paul Tioxon, December 30, 2015 at 10:02 am
What do you call a cruise ship sinking with 500 PhD economists chained below deck?
A good start.
allan, December 30, 2015 at 10:03 am
Yves Smith, December 30, 2015 at 4:32 pm
Oh, that is good!
An economist is someone who will tell you tomorrow why what they predicted yesterday didn't happen
An economist, a physicist, and an engineer are stranded on an island with a can of food, and no
The engineer says, "Let's smash the can open with a rock and eat". The physicist replies, "Naw, that's going to splatter the food all over the place. Let's light a
fire, the expanding gases will force the can to pop open and presto: warm food!" The economist says, "Bad idea: the can will explode and the food will be all over the place. Now…
let's assume we have a can opener…."
A physician, an engineer, and an economist were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest
profession. The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned
Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."
The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos, thus he
was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."
Then, the economist spoke up. "Yes," he said, "But who do you think created the chaos?"
The First Law of Economists: For every economist, there exists an equal and opposite economist. The Second Law of Economists: They're both wrong.
Pareto's law of optimal economic theory: an economic theory has reached an optimal state when no other economist can make it wronger
The Third Law of Economists : The two economists theories don't add up.
Economists: purveyors of fictions upon which the superstructure of organized robbery is raised. (apologies to Ambrose Bierce)
Q: What do you call an Economist who tells the truth?
If you laid all the economists end to end,
it would probably be a good thing.
They still wouldn't reach a conclusion.
A farmer and two bankers are shipwrecked on an island. Two weeks later help finally arrives. The
bankers greet their rescuer who remarks how well they look.
BankerA: "we realised the potential of the natural resources on this island were tremendous".
BankerB: "I created some fiat money, we divided it up. I lent BankerA ten times my share for a
coconut farm startup, he invested ten times his share in an accountancy startup."
Rescuer: "well that's amazing, only where is it all, I don't see any produce – how did you actually
BankerA: "We each used our debt to invest in futures given the fertile land it was clear the land
could generate wealth once labour was applied. We both realised significant paper profits. Oh and
we ate the farmer"
Bankers live off our backs.
What did the supply curve say to the demand curve?
If you shift a little to the right, I'll give you some more of what you want.
Why did the economist cross the road?
Because his models predicted he would.
"Market Failure" is the name that economists who believe that the market cannot ever fail use
when the market fails.
Hmm, it seems you should take your own advice to heart. :-)
What is a person called who claims to predict the future and has a history of 100% failure
a) A Charlatan b) An Economist c) A prophet
In the same vein: econ entropy: money invented from hot air evaporates, what do you expect?
A criminal lawyer representing Turing Pharmaceuticals chief Martin Shkreli has informed his client
that he is raising his hourly legal fees by five thousand per cent, the lawyer has confirmed.
Minutes after Shkreli's arrest on charges of securities fraud, the attorney, Harland Dorrinson,
announced that he was hiking his fees from twelve hundred dollars an hour to sixty thousand dollars.
Shkreli, who reportedly received the news about the price hike while he was being fingerprinted,
cried foul and accused his attorney of "outrageous and inhumane price gouging."
"This is the behavior of a sociopath," Shkreli was heard screaming.
For his part, Shkreli's lawyer was unmoved by his client's complaint. "Compared to
what he pays for an hour of Wu-Tang Clan, sixty thou is a bargain," he said.
this boy dont know it yet. he is in trouble. he gonna take the heat for a lot of americans
being angry at scam street, corzine, obama. he is a diversion. if they kill him in rikers? wouldnt
surprise me a bit.
This turn of events was fairly predictable Shrkeli is a safe scapegoat for US envy/hatred of
just about everything. Surprised Martin did not see this coming and move to Shanghai well beforehand.
Gotta have a scapegoat when you quietly overturn cases on the BIG BOYS.
"Then came a surprise last week, right before Thanksgiving. A federal judge ordered the men released
from prison. An appeals court had reversed their convictions the day before, without explanation"
"Carollo, Goldberg and Grimm each had been convicted on multiple counts of conspiracy to commit
wire fraud. Prosecutors accused them of paying kickbacks to brokers hired by cities and towns
to oversee the bidding on municipal-investment contracts, which local governments use to invest
the proceeds from bond sales. Goldberg was sentenced to four years in prison. Carollo and Grimm
got three years each."
plunge in oil prices is taking a large toll on the formerly booming mining
sector. In addition, the high dollar "
Oil costs less when dollar is strong? No lie! When $$$$ buy more of oil our trucking
industry is booming? No S Dick Tracy! We now need 40,000 more of teamsters to drive our parked
18 wheeler-s? More truck driving slots than drivers? Because of strong $$$$? Increased labour
demand through the magic of deflation! Look!
If you qualify for truck driver job, you can complete training without going into
6 figure debt, without having to pledge a fraternity, and without having to learn the words to
your school's fight song. Plus, you get to see the entire 48 states without booking a flight,
get to meet beautiful young waitresses at the truck stop that serves delicious slow food. Think
of it! Now you get to relax in a modern truck where you can listen to country-and-Western's newest
talent plus more much more.
"Item: Rights to a drug used to treat parasitic infections were acquired by Turing Pharmaceuticals,
which specializes not in developing new drugs but in buying existing drugs and jacking up their
prices. In this case, the price went from $13.50 a tablet to $750. ..."
That is brilliant - so Turing Pharmaceuticals is a classical - wait for it - parasitic infection!
Q: What's an investor? I know other terms such as manipulators, riggers, fixers, front runners,
fraudsters, ponzi schemers, inside traders, spoofers, scammers, front men, bagmen, market makers,
interventionists, plunge protectors, rehypothecators and Corzined... But who is Investor and what
do they do?
Rasputin explained why the Fed must raise rates before the next recession, so
it can lower them later:
"Certainly our Savior and Holy Fathers have denounced sin, since it is the work of the Evil One.
But how can you drive out evil except by sincere repentance?
And how can you sincerely repent if you have not sinned?"
I'm not so sure. This article might be spot on. Consider this:
Federal Reserve can print and create INFINITE digital and physical dollars. With infinite dollars,
they can control EVERYTHING. Both UP and DOWN. We can't audit the Fed, how do you know their balance
sheet is really 4 trillion? Because they say so? They could literally decide the prices of every
single thing in dollar terms with unlimited dollars at their disposal.
Yo pods, next time you get a bag of M&Ms, eat the red ones first,,,
I don't think the Skxawng in charge have the organizational capability to pull off an event of
this magnitude with any reasonable expectation of success. They manipulate where they can and
surf the waves just like the rest of us...
"...Can't hurt one bit to pray for some relief from all of those mounting monetary losses. If
anybody has money to bail out the oil conglomerates, God does. Maybe Goldman Sachs too, since they do
Maybe the oil corps could get together on a Sunday morning in a church somewhere and have a prayer
session to pray for higher oil prices. Realtors did when the housing crisis stuck them with a
bag to hold.
Dear Lord, please help us by buying more oil. Surely, Lord, there must be a need
for a couple of million barrels of oil each day in heaven that You can buy to ease our financial
burdens. Lord, hear our prayer.
Can't hurt one bit to pray for some relief from all of those mounting monetary losses.
If anybody has money to bail out the oil conglomerates, God does. Maybe Goldman Sachs too, since
they do God's work.
God might tell the oil corps to go straight to hell, if so, then Goldman can answer all those
prayers being they do God's work too. All it takes is money and the prayers are answered.
That's right Ron, the oil companies' guardian angels will make a deal with the devil to produce
a lot of abiogenic petroleum and suddenly the old fields will be oozing the stuff out again. Gushers
galore on Monday morning. The banks will get the notice from the devil to fund more drilling and
away we go, happy motoring for another fifty years.
"... So anyway, what's the evidence that professional economists who publish research notes for
large firms really understand the actual economy? Have these guys at Nomura ever gotten the big picture
right when it really matters? If they had, why would they be telling us?..."
...some factors such as low energy prices and the strong dollar likely continued to weigh
on business activity.
Raise hands. How many here think low energy prices weighed on business activity?
Wisdom Seeker wrote on Fri, 7/24/2015 - 12:43 pm
So anyway, what's the evidence that professional economists who publish research notes for
large firms really understand the actual economy? Have these guys at Nomura ever gotten the big
picture right when it really matters? If they had, why would they be telling us?
poicv2.0 wrote on Fri, 7/24/2015 - 12:43 pm
It seems pretty logical that all that savings from lower oil price is going to result in
consumers buying more IPhones, Yukon Denalis with 25" spinner rims and new housing.
Republican preferences of Presidential candidates ;-)
Trump filed for bankruptcy protection in 1991, 1992, 2004 and 2009. I have zero interest in
putting him in charge of anything remotely connected to my prosperity or posterity.
But I will say this, with Hillary! the current frontrunner, fully 98% of democrats are insane
Witht that kind of experience, we should make him president of Puerto Rico.
Not My Real Name
Trump is too much of an ego maniac to have that kind of power.
You mean like Obama?
Wrong. The popularity of Trump and Sanders is they are actually talking reality versus the
papsmear crapola that comes out of the mouths of the corporate polititcians from both sides. They
also actually have policies that appeal to the majority of the people in their respective parties.
Most people oppose the crony trade deals that get signed that do nothing for the people yet enrich
the CEO and the politician that passes the bill after they are out and get massive "speaking"
fees. Not the corporatists such as Bush and Hillary - never met a trade deal favorable to corporations
they didnt like. Quid, meet Pro and Quo.
Southpark said it best regarding voting and elections: But Stan, don't you know, it's always
between a giant douche and a turd sandwich. Nearly every election since the beginning of time
has been between some douche and some turd. They're the only people who suck up enough to make
it that far in politics."
Thanks for the heads up. Is there any candidate that is not in AIPAC's pocket?
WALTHAM, MA-Frustrated with a growing list of unacceptable workplace indignities, fed-up Catamount
Systems employee Marc Holden is just about 14 years away from walking out the front door of his office
and never returning, sources confirmed Thursday. "I swear to God, if things don't improve around
here real fast, I am out of here in 14 years or so-I am not bluffing," Holden said, noting that if
he has to endure just a decade and a half more of company-wide incompetence and pointless micromanagement,
he is gone for good. "Seriously, I don't think I can take any more than 3,000 more days of this before
I snap. Mark my words, if 2029 rolls around and it's still the same old shit around here, I'm cleaning
out my desk, getting on that elevator, and never coming back." Holden added that if his boss belittled
him in front of the entire staff just 200 more times, he would storm right into his office and tell
him exactly where he can stick it.
This is just short term noise. Long term Dollar investors aren't going to be swayed by this,
and neither should you. A strong dollar is a fundamental part of our Federal Reserve's dual mandate,
and we're lucky to have a Federal Reserve chariwoman that understands this. We also need to dispel
this myth that lower interest rates mean a weaker dollar - this empirically isn't the case.
The reason our economy continues to grow is precisely because of low interest rates fueling
aggregate demand, which in turn strengthens the dollar. These are some basic elementary economic
facts that Zerohedgers just cant seem to understand.
Doomers on this site should consider the enourmous cost of their pessimism and far-right ideologies.
There are some incredible health benefits to believing in government, which many of you would
be wise to consider. People who believe in government have more peace of mind, produce less cortisol
(the stress hormone), worry less, and are far more likely to enjoy their lesuire time. All of
these benefits reduce the risk of stress related diseases. Just look up the statistics - if you
look at the disparity between government employees and private sector employees the effects are
even more exreme.
Today's best four minutes of the day: an uproarious parody of the Police's "Every Breath You
Take" by students at Columbia Business School, which purports to show the school's dean, Glenn
Hubbard -- and, no, that is not Mr. Hubbard, the school confirms, but a look-alike student --
taking Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke to task for monetary policy mistakes (in a fit of jealousy over
not getting the position). It's hard to resist the charm of any attempt to poke at the Fed, especially
one that includes the couplet "Hope your models break/bet that beard is fake." The real Mr. Hubbard
was traveling and could not be reached for comment.
April 26, 2006 [George W. Bush:] "Ben Bernanke is the right man to build on the record that
Alan Greenspan has established. I will urge the Senate the act promptly to confirm Ben Bernanke as
the fourteenth Chairman of the Federal Reserve."
Every breath you take
Every change of rate
Jobs you don't create
While we still stagflate
I'll be watching you\
Every single day
Bernanke takes my pay
When growth goes away
Inflation will stay
I'll be watching you
Oh can't you see?
The Fed's where I should be
How my poor heart aches
With each of your mistakes
First you move your lips
Hike a few more BPS
When demand then dips
And the yield curve flips
I'll be watching you
Since you came supply's lost without a trace
I dream at night that I punch you in the face
Your interest policies I cannot embrace
I feel so wronged and I long for Greenspan's place
I keep cryin': Benny! Benny! Please...
Oh can't you see?
The Fed Chair should be me
How my poor heart aches
When prices escalate
Every move you make
Every oath you take
Hope your models break
Bet that beard is fake
I'll be watching you
CBS is great
Wouldn't change my fate
But we'll be watching you
We'll be watching you
Gas prices are plummeting across America thanks in part to the country doubling its daily oil exports,
which is made possible by chemical fracturing technology that scientists have said wreaks havoc on
the environment. Here are some pros and cons of fracking:
Blasts tens of thousands of gallons of chemicals deep underground, out of harm's way
Prompts important conversation about whether or not people have a right to clean water
Chemical balance of breathable air getting a little staid
Fact that shale well blowout could happen at any moment emphasizes ephemeral beauty of life
Cancer research could use few more confounding variables
Those hardest hit will be the voiceless
Dilutes perfectly good chemicals
Family history providing enough birth defects as it is
Class action lawsuits always take forever and are super boring
Noise of drilling day and night could keep up the oh-so-precious rural farmers who live nearby
and need all the sleep their sweet little heads can get
Fewer excuses to spend time with oil-rich dictatorships
Gas still not zero dollars
I like the fact that you can use the word in so many ways. Some examples...
I don't know what that fracking means.
How the frack are you?
What the frack?
I'm gonna fracking beat the crap out of you!
I fracked that bitch last night.
I'm so fracked!
You're a fracking genius!
She's so fracking hot!
I wouldn't frack her with your dick and him pushing.
Let's keep going.
Go frack yourself!
You wanna frack with me?
Get the frack outta here!
I fracked your wife last night, motherfracker, what are you gonna do about it?
(Rogue) Trader. (The "rogue" term is generally not to be used explicitly especially with senior
management, directors, shareholders and clients for fear of misunderstanding.)
The position reports along "functional' and "geographic" lines to the Head of Trading and Head
of the Region. (Nobody, really. A multi-dimensional matrix structure is currently in operation so
that everybody reports to several people allowing a total absence of accountability.)
Optional. (Some candidates may have a preference for working in head office where total confusion
and chaos reigns facilitating successful rogue trading. Other candidates may prefer a remote location
where benign neglect and absence of supervision may provide rogue trading opportunities.)
A leading edge investment bank with a global brand, presence in key financial markets, superb
product range and unparalleled client list.
(Our PR firm told us this.)
A global trading team trading in a wide variety of cash and synthetic instruments, including a
number of "proprietary" structures.
(You can lose money pretty much any way you like. There are some trades that even we don't understand
but the models say we are making money).
Supported by a world class risk management team (they are readily identifiable by their guide
dogs) and operational staff and systems (they have been specially chosen for their total ignorance.)
Excellent career prospects (We have sinecures for everybody who has failed to perform.)
Trading with the bank's capital to achieve targeted risk adjusted returns on capital under the
bank's unique Economic Capital Allocation system. (If you are half as smart as you think you are
then you will be able to game the system from day 1. Everybody else has.)
Developing innovative trading strategies. (You need to be able to come up with hare brained trading
schemes based on the relationship between the El Nino cycle and market prices.)
Closely managing trading positions. (You need to be able increase your bet when your position
shows losses until you bankrupt the firm.)
Develop proper models and valuation procedures (You need to ensure that all pricing models are
impossible to understand and give the valuations that you want by simple unverifiable changes in
Risk management of positions (You will need to fudge all the Greek risk measures. We suggest you
start to report risk data in an ancient Nubian dialect that is purely oral. You will ensure that
your risk always appears miniscule irrespective of market conditions. People have a tendency to panic
Monitoring (You will need to be able to disguise breaches by not booking the trades or taking
advantage of systems deficiencies.)
Control losses and volatility of earnings (You must disguise losses either by recording them as
amounts owed to you (the Leeson gambit), undertaking off-market trades such as deep in-the-money
options (the Rusnak variation) or incorrect valuations (Rogue Trading 101).)
You need to be able to take the trading function to a new plane. (You need to show larger losses
than the last rogue trader the firm employed.)
Detailed knowledge of financial markets and trading techniques.
(You should wax lyrically about obscure markets (the Zambian Kwatcho and Islamic finance techniques)
and complex mathematics (field theory; neural networks; fractals; Frank copula models). Everybody
will think you are a genius or a fool but will be unsure of which.)
Detailed knowledge of derivatives, including exotic and non-standard structures. (Everybody knows
that derivatives allow highly leveraged positions that are impossible to understand or value accurately.)
No minimum formal educational qualifications or direct previous experience in a similar role is necessary.
(Nobody believes your CV. It is merely a statement of your aspirations. Nobody will believe you if
you said that you had rogue trading experience.)<
Ability to communicate and work closely with senior management (You will need to make sure that
you generate enough "phantom" profits to make sure their bonus expectations are met.)
Ability to work closely with operational staff (You must bully them or cajole them into concealing
limit breaches and losses.)
Strong leadership qualities (You will claim all profits are the result of your perspicacious skills.
All losses will either disappear or if found will be hedge losses offset against gains in other positions.)
Preferred age – under 30 years. (Have you ever heard of an old rogue trader? There is an exception
for Japanese rogue traders who are generally older.)
Strong personal qualities. (You will have "attitude". A year round sun tan and a wisp of beard
underneath your chin is good. You will treat everybody around you as idiots incapable of understanding
the complex nature of your trading strategies.)
Highly motivated. (You will need to be able to hide losses and limit breaches. The Japanese rogue
traders never took holidays.)
Negotiable including a strong performance linked component. (You don't need to be paid as it is
assumed that you will defalcate ample amounts.)
Social Responsibility Statement
We are proud to be an equal opportunity employer. (We do not discriminate on any basis. How else
can you explain the calibre of Directors and Senior Management not to mention risk managers and auditors
that we have?)
Note: The idea is based on a column published by Trevor Sykes (writing as Pierpoint) of the
Australian Financial Review [see "Indispensable Guide For Rogue Traders" (30 January 2004) Australian
Financial Review] However, the text is different.
...completely nonsensical largesse the ECB permits itself to launch, aimed at once again saving
a banking system, but which will not only not help the European people, it will make things even
much worse than they already are.
... ... ...
Forget the Central Banks, as I have mentioned here many times, the ECB lowered the Reserve Ratio
for member to banks to 1% (ONE PERCENT)!
calling them criminals is an injustice to criminals
more like a swarm of locust
Feel it Reel it
The Lawyers protect the Bankers. The bankers pay the Lawyers(political contibutitions)...If
you realize roughly 50-55% of the U.S. House and Senate are lawyers/trail lawyers then it all
makes sense of why we are where we are....and don't forget Obama is/was a Lawyer as is Biden....
The Lawyers and Bankers protect each other and are at the top of the Pyramid scheme... The profession
that never gets regulated or talked about is the Law profession....The majority of Lawyers in
Politics are corrupt it's that simple....We live in a litigious society where you are encouraged
to sue regardless of how friviolus it might be... Political correctness is driven by the Lawyers
who are the Politicians....
The Lawyers protect the Bankers. The bankers pay the Lawyers(political contibutitions)...
You missed the ROOT of the problem...
And the sheep keep obeying, no matter what.
Correct, most sheep don't even pay attention to politics or world events. They just want to
come home after working 8 hrs while only 3 of those hours was for themselves, and turn on some
phoney distraction "Tee Vee" These people have no idea how badly they are being represented by
there favourite politician that did get elected.
If you are invited to play poker with a bunch of cheaters and you accept, sit down and aloow your
money to be cheated out of you.
Do you deserve it?
[Dec 19, 2014] S&P500 in 2014
[Dec 13, 2014] Citigroup to Move Headquarters to US Capitol Building
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)-The banking giant Citigroup announced on Friday that it would
move its headquarters from New York to the U.S. Capitol Building, in Washington, D.C., in early 2015.
Tracy Klugian, a spokesperson for Citi, said that the company had leased thirty thousand square
feet of prime real estate on the floor of the House of Representatives and would be interviewing
"world-class architects" to redesign the space to suit its needs.
According to sources, Citi successfully outbid other firms, including JPMorgan Chase and Goldman
Sachs, for the right to move its headquarters to the House floor. ...
Who knew? Jane Austen was a dyed-in-the-wool, easy-money-loving, stimulus-demanding 'expert'
on monetary policy. As Citi's Steven Englander finds in his eloquent new year's note, it seems the
antiquated authoress has much sense-and-sensibility to reproach those of us who believe in real money
and a return to a real economy. From justifying QE, "Money is the best recipe for happiness,"
to the importance of the wealth effect, "If this man had not twelve thousand a year, he would
be a very stupid fellow;" Austen offers some 'balance' to offer on Fed transparency, tapering,
and congressional spending.
Via Citi's Steve Englander,
'Elinor now found the difference between the expectation of
an unpleasant event, however certain the mind may be told to consider it, and certainty itself."
– particularly apt in light of the market reaction to tapering.
"Finish it at once. Let there be an end of this suspense. Fix, commit, condemn yourself."
-- more on tapering
"A watch is always too fast or too slow. I cannot be dictated to by a watch." -- on
the tapering calendar
"I have not wanted syllables where actions have spoken so plainly." -- advice on communications
"I think we are a great deal better employed, sitting comfortably here among ourselves, and
doing nothing." -- insight into labor force participation
"I do not think it worth while to wait for enjoyment until there is some real opportunity
for it." -- the hysteresis effect
"A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of." – on the need for
"I am sorry to tell you that I am getting very extravagant and spending all my money: and
what is worse for you, I have been spending yours too. " -- message to Congress
"If this man had not twelve thousand a year, he would be a very stupid fellow." –
the importance of the wealth effect for human capital
"Money is the best recipe for happiness." – QE justified
"If things are going untowardly one month, they are sure to mend the next." -- on
"There is a monstrous deal of stupid quizzing, & common-place nonsense talked, but scarcely
any wit." -- FOMC press conferences
"It would be most right, and most wise, and, therefore must involve least suffering." –taking
the easy policy route
"We do not look in great cities for our best morality." – distribution effects of
"I don't approve of surprises. The pleasure is never enhanced and the inconvenience is considerable."
-- the argument for Fed transparency
"It is particularly incumbent on those who never change their opinion, to be secure of judging
properly at first." -- nothing more need be said
"..people always live forever when there is an annuity to be paid them" -- on the
need for entitlements reform
"And we mean to treat you all,' added Lydia, 'but you must lend us the money, for we have
just spent ours at the shop out there." – on balance sheet expansion
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