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Man page for Unix baby command

BABY(1)                  USER COMMANDS                    BABY(1)

     baby - create new process from two parents

     baby -sex [m|f] [-name name]

     baby is initiated when  one  parent  process  polls  another
     server  process  through a socket connection in the BSD ver-
     sion or through pipes in the System V implementation.   baby
     runs  at low priority for approximately forty weeks and then
     terminates with a heavy system load.  Most  systems  require
     constant  monitoring  when  baby reaches its final stages of

     Older implementations of baby did not require both  initiat-
     ing  processes  to be present at the time of completion.  In
     those versions the initiating process which was not  present
     was  awakened  and  notified of the results upon completion.
     It has since been  determined  that  the  presence  of  both
     parent  processes result in a generally lower system load at
     completion, and thus current versions of  baby  expect  both
     parent processes to be active during the final stages.

     Successful completion of baby results in  the  creation  and
     naming  of  a  new process.  Parent processes then broadcast
     messages to all other processes, local and remote, informing
     them of their new status.

     -sex define the gender of the created process

          assign the name name to the new process

          baby -sex f -name Jacqueline

     completed  successfully  on  July   9,   1992   at   9:11pm.
     Jacqueline's  vital  statistics:  8  pounds 3 oz, 20 inches,
     long dark hair.  The parent process, Kim Dunbar, is  report-
     edly doing fine.

     cigar(6), dump(5), cry(3).

     Despite its complexity, baby only knows one signal, SIGCHLD,
     (or SIGCLD in the System V implementation), which it uses to
     contact the parent processes.  One or both parent  processes
     must then inspect the baby process to determine the cause of
     the signal.

     The sleep(1) command may not  work  as  expected  on  either
     parent process for some time afterward, as each new instance
     of baby sends intermittent signals to the  parent  processes
     which must be handled by the parents immediately.

     A baby process will frequently dump core,  requiring  either
     or both parent processes to clean up after it.

     Despite the reams of available documentation on invoking and
     maintaining baby, most parent processes are overwhelmed.

     From a man page by Joe Beck, .

CONDOM(1)                USER COMMANDS                  CONDOM(1)

     condom - protection against viruses and prevention of  child

     condom [options] [processid]

     condom  provides  protection  against   System   Transmitted
     Viruses  (STVs)  that  may invade your system.  Although the
     spread of such viruses across a network can only  be  abated
     by  aware  and  cautious  users,  condom  is the only highly
     effective means of preventing  viruses  from  entering  your
     system  (see celibacy(1)).  Any data passed to condom by the
     protected process will be blocked, as specified by the value
     of  the  -s  option (see OPTIONS below).  condom is known to
     defend against the following  viruses  and  other  malicious

          o+    AIDS
          o+    Herpes Simplex (genital varieties)
          o+    Syphilis
          o+    Crabs
          o+    Genital warts
          o+    Gonhorrea
          o+    Chlamydia
          o+    Michelangelo
          o+    Jerusalem

     When used alone or in conjunction with  pill(1),  sponge(1),
     foam(1),  and/or setiud(3), condom also prevents the concep-
     tion of a child process.  If invoked from within a  synchro-
     nous  process,  condom  has,  by  default,  an 80% chance of
     preventing  the  external  processes  from  becoming  parent
     processes  (see  the  -s  option below).  When other process
     contraceptives are used, the chance of  preventing  a  child
     process   from  being  forked  becomes  much  greater.   See
     pill(1), sponge(1), foam(1), and setiud(3) for more informa-

     If no options are given, the current  user's  login  process
     (as  determined  by  the  environment variable USER) is pro-
     tected with a Trojan rough-cut latex condom without a reser-
     voir tip.  The optional ``processid'' argument is an integer
     specifying the process to protect.

     NOTE: condom may only be used with a hard disk.  condom will
     terminate abnormally with exit code -1 if used with a floppy
     disk (see DIAGNOSTICS below).

     The following options may be given to condom:

     -b brand
          brands are as follows:

               trojan (default)

     -m material
          The valid materials are:

               latex (default)
                    WARNING! The membrane option is not  endorsed
                    by  the  System  Administrator  General as an
                    effective barrier  against  certain  viruses.
                    It  is  supported only for the sake of tradi-

     -f flavor
          The following flavors are currently supported:

               plain (default)

     -r   Toggle reservoir tip (default is no reservoir tip)

     -s strength
          strength is an integer between 20  and  100  specifying
          the  resilience of condom against data passed to condom
          by the protected process.   Using  a  larger  value  of
          strength  increases  condom's protective abilities, but
          also reduces  interprocess  communication.   A  smaller
          value of strength increases interprocess communication,
          but also increases the likelihood of a security breach.
          An   extremely  vigorous  process  or  one  passing  an
          enormous amount of data to  condom  will  increase  the
          chance  of  condom's  failure.  The default strength is

     -t texture
          Valid textures are:

               rough (default)
                    (provides   smoother   interaction    between

     WARNING: The use of an external  application  to  condom  in
     order  to  reduce friction between processes has been proven
     in benchmark tests to decrease condom's strength factor!  If
     execution  speed  is important to your process, use the ``-t
     lubricated'' option.

     condom terminates with one of the following exit codes:

     -1   An attempt was made to use condom on a floppy disk.

     0    condom exited successfully (no data was passed  to  the
          synchronous process).

     1    condom failed and data was allowed through.  The danger
          of  transmission  of  an  STV or the forking of a child
          process is inversely  proportional  to  the  number  of
          other protections employed and is directly proportional
          to the ages of the processes involved.

     condom is NOT 100% effective at preventing a  child  process
     from  being  forked  or at deterring the invasion of a virus
     (although the System Administrator General has  deemed  that
     condom  is the most effective means of preventing the spread
     of system transmitted viruses).  See celibacy(1) for  infor-
     mation  on  a  100%  effective  program for preventing these

     Remember, the use  of  sex(1)  and  other  related  routines
     should  only occur between mature, consenting processes.  If
     you must use sex(1), please employ condom  to  protect  your
     process and your synchronous process.  If we are all respon-
     sible, we can stop the spread of STVs.

     The original version of condom was released in  Roman  times
     and  was  only  marginally  effective.   With  the advent of
     modern technology, condom now supports many more options and
     is much more effective.

     The current release of condom was written by Ken  Maupin  at
     the  University of Washington ( and
     was last updated on 10/7/92.

     celibacy(1),  sex(1),  pill(1),  sponge(1),   foam(1),   and

FLAME(1)                 USER COMMANDS                   FLAME(1)

     flame - reply to Usenet News posting automatically

     flame [options] [filename]

     Flame is a AI tool providing an automated method for  reply-
     ing to articles posted to Usenet News.  Special care is paid
     to allow the user to specify the type of reply  he  desires.
     The following options are supported by flame:

     --   Take input from stdin.

     -x regexp
          Crosspost to all newsgroups matching regexp.

     -n number
          Post this reply number times.

     -b   Reply in BIFF MODE.

     -d   Delay response until original posting expires.

     -m   Misdirect to a random Author.

     -r   ROT13 quotes from original posting.

     -g regexp
          Reply to all messages in newsgroups matching regexp.

     -A   Call the Author Assh*le in 12 languages.

     -B   Bait the Author.

     -C   Accuse the Author of communist leanings.

     -D   Denigrate the Author.

     -E   Picks apart the Author's educational background.

     -F   Accuse the Author of fascist leanings.

     -G   Post using Greek insult module.

     -H   Accuse the Author of homophobic leanings.

     -I   Question the Author's intelligence.

     -J   Accuse the Author of purchasing Japanese imports.

     -K   Accuse the Author of working for the KGB, MOSSAD,  CIA,
          or MI5 as appropriate.

     -L   Post using Latin insult module.

     -M   Insult the Author's mother.

     -N   Accuse the Author of Neo-Nazi leanings.

     -O   Quote obscure references proving falsehood of the post-

     -P   Question the Author's parentage.

     -Q   Accuse the Author of deviant sexual practices.

     -R   Accuse the Author of racist leaning.

     -S   Accuse the Author of sexist leanings.

     -T   Accuse the Author of cross dressing.

     -U   State that the Author just doesn't understand anything.

     -V   Pretend sympathy for Author's virgin sensibilities.

     -W   Accuse the Author of voting for George Bush.

     -X   Prepend  obscene  adjectives   wherever   syntactically

     -Y   Accuse the Author of PLO membership.

     -Z   Accuse the Author of Zionist leanings.

     The environment variable FLAMETYPE can be set to any combi-
     nation  of  the  above  parameters,  and will be used as the
     default flame type to generate.

     The environment variable OBSCENE points to a file containing
     miscellaneous obscene adjectives for the -X option above.

     Macro Support will be added to the next release of flame.


          This file contains  the  number  of  the  last  article
          flamed.  Used when flameing an entire newsgroup.

          This file contains the user's preferred flames.

          This file contains alternate phrasing of  some  of  the
          more  standard  flames.   Used to keep the program from
          flaming itself.

     rn(1), more(1), newsrc(5), readnews(1), Pnews(1), Rnmail(1)

     Self Documenting.

     Occasionally, flame will turn on the  user,  and  flame  all
     outgoing  postings.  When this happens, the best thing to do
     reinstall your news software and flame.

XKILL(1)                 USER COMMANDS                   XKILL(1)

     xkill - extended kill - kill processes or  users,  including
     Usenet posters.

     xkill [-signal] pid ...
     xkill -l
     xkill username[@host] ...
     xkill -u [-qs] [-p] [newsgroup]

     xkill sends a signal to a process or a terminal.  The  first
     two  forms send a signal to a process.  The functionality in
     this case is the same as kill(1).

     When the command xkill is invoked with an username as  argu-
     ment,  it attempts to locate the specified user on the local
     host.  If the user is logged on, the signal ECUTE  (electro-
     cute,  666) is sent to the user's terminal.  This will cause
     the keyboard to electrocute the user.  If the  user  is  not
     logged  on,  the appropriate line of the file /etc/passwd is
     marked.  The first time the user logs on the ECUTE signal is
     sent to the terminal he is using.

     When the command xkill is invoked with a remote username, in
     the  form  user@host,  a  connection with the remote host is
     attempted (see xkilld(8)), to send the ECUTE signal  to  the
     user's terminal.

     The -u (Usenet) option is an extension  of  the  concept  of
     KILL file.

     The program will attempt to locate a remote user by scanning
     the news spool area.  When the user is located, a connection
     is attempted with the appropriate host, and the ECUTE (elec-
     trocute,  666)  signal is sent to the appropriate user.  The
     search only considers one newsgroup.  If none is  specified,
     rec.humor  is  assumed  by default.  The program attempts to
     locate people whose signature is too long, and who  quote  a
     whole  article  in  order  to comment on a single line.  The
     option -s can be used to consider only the  size  of  signa-
     tures,  while the option -q can be used to consider only the
     size of the quotations.  The option -qs corresponds  to  the

     When the -p (post) switch is used, the user is  electrocuted
     next time he post news.

     /etc/passwd         to keep track of users marked for  elec-

     /etc/hosts          list of remote hosts

     /usr/spool/news     news spool directory; the news  articles
                         are stored here

     kill(1), telnet(1c), xkilld(8)

     To kill a remote user, it is sometimes  better  to  use  the
     command  telnet(1c)  using  the standard xkilld port (number
     666).  When the connection is  attempted  by  xkill(1)  some
     gateways will explode after the user is electrocuted.

     To decide what is a quotation, and what is  a  signature,  a
     very  complicated  pattern  matching is used.  This does not
     always work, even if the  program  hasn't  yet  electrocuted
     somebody who is not guilty of bandwidth waste.

SEX(6)            EUNUCH Programmer's Manual               SEX(6)

   sex - have sex

   sex [ options ] ...  [ username ] ...

   _s_e_x allows the invoker to have sex with the user(s) speci-
   fied in the command line.  If no users are specified, they
   are taken from the LOVERS environment variable.  Options to
   make things more interesting are as follows:

   -1   masturbate

   -a   external stimulus (aphrodisiac) option

   -b   buggery

        bestiality with 

   -c   chocolate sauce option

   -C   chaining option (cuffs included) (see also -m -s -W)

        get a date with the features described in 

   -e   exhibitionism (image sent to all machines on the net)

   -f   foreplay option

   -F   nasal sex with plants

   -i   coitus interruptus (messy!)

   -j   jacuzzi option (California sites only)

   -l   leather option

   -m   masochism (see -s)

   -M   triple parallel (Menage a Trois) option

   -n   necrophilia (if target process is not dead, program
        kills it)

   -o   oral option

   -O   parallel access (orgy)

   -p   debug option (proposition only)

   -P   pedophilia (must specify a child process)

Printed 2/15/87            2/15/87                            1

SEX(6)            EUNUCH Programmer's Manual               SEX(6)

   -q   quickie (wham, bam, thank you, ma'am)

   -s   sadism (target must set -m)

   -S   sundae option

        voice-net sex via standard uucp autodialer facilities;
        area code prefix of 900 is assumed.

   -v   voyeurism (surveys the entire net)

   -w   whipped cream option

   -W   whips (see also -s, -C, and -m)

        is a list of default partners which will be used if
        none are specified in the command line.  If any are
        specified, the values in LOVERS is ignored.

   /usr/lib/sex/animals          animals for bestiality

   /usr/lib/sex/blackbook        possible dates

   /usr/lib/sex/sundaes          sundae recipes

   /usr/lib/sex/s&m         sado-masochistic equipment

   ^C (quit process) may leave the user very unsatisfied.

   ^Z (stop process) is usually quite messy.

   Author prefers to be anonymous.

   Oldest program ever.



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Last modified: March, 12, 2019