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Customer calls a UNIX consultant with a question:
Customer: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program ?
UNIX consultant: Yes, that's correct.
Customer: No, what is it ?
UNIX consultant: Yes.
Customer: So, which is the one ?
UNIX consultant: No. 'which' is used to find the program.
Customer: Stop this. Who are you ?
UNIX consultant: Use 'who am i' not 'who r yoo'. You can also 'finger yoo' to get information about yoo.
Customer: All I want to know is what finds the revision code ?
UNIX consultant: Use 'what'.
Customer: That's what I am trying to find out. Isn't that true?
UNIX consultant: No. 'true' gives you 0.
Customer: Which one?
UNIX consultant: 'true' gives you 0. 'which program name'
Customer: Let's get back to my problem. What program? How do I find it?
UNIX consultant: Type 'find / -name it -print' to find 'it'. Type 'what program' to get the revision code.
Customer: I want to find the revision code.
UNIX consultant: You can't 'find revisioncode', you must use 'what program'.
Customer: Which command will do what I need?
UNIX consultant: No. 'which command' will find 'command'.
Customer: I think I understand. Let me write that.
UNIX consultant: You can 'write that' only if 'that' is a user on your system.
Customer: Write what?
UNIX consultant: No. 'write that'. 'what program'.
Customer: Cut that out!
UNIX consultant: Yes. those are valid files for 'cut'. Don't forget the options.
Customer: Do you always do this?
UNIX consultant: 'du' will give you disk usage.
UNIX consultant: 'help' is only used for Source Code Control System.
Customer: You make me angry.
UNIX consultant: No, I don't 'make me' angry but I did 'make programname' when I was upset once.
Customer: I don't want to make trouble, so no more.
UNIX consultant: No 'more'? 'which' will help you find 'more'. Every system has 'more'.
Customer: Nice help! I'm confused more now!
UNIX consultant: Understand that since 'help' is such a small program, it is better not to 'nice help'. and 'more now' is not allowed but 'at now' is. Unless of course 'now' is a file name.
Customer: This is almost as confusing as my PC.
UNIX consultant: I didn't know you needed help with 'pc'. Let me get you to the Pascal compiler team...
This month's humor was submitted by Roger Frank of the Colorado Linux Users and Enthusiasts. He only takes the blame for submission, not authorship - but it's good enough to get a 6" Tux. Thanks for the submission, Roger.
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