Stonewalling

Stonewalling is a verbal isolation. It is often used by narcissists ion families, but it also can be used in office environment. In this case the person ignores you as if you do not exists and refuses to talk to you. Wikipedia defines it as

Stonewalling is a refusal to communicate or cooperate. Such behaviour occurs in situations such as marriage guidance counseling, diplomatic negotiations, politics and legal cases.^[1] Body language may indicate and reinforce this by avoiding contact and engagement with the other party. The use of deflection in a conversation in order to render a conversation to be pointless and insignificant. Tactics in stonewalling include giving sparse, vague responses, refusing to answer questions, or responding to questions with additional questions. In most cases, stonewalling is used to create a delay compared to putting the conversation off forever.

The stonewaller may not be saying anything abusing verbally, but his actions give a clear indication of the anger and aggressiveness he is feeling within. Rather than to use an open communication  to resolve differences, the stonewaller is trying to isolate and weaken you. Effectively turning conflict into a power struggle: who whom.

And as this is king of war, the ends justify means. In other words about winning. If the other side became exasperated enough to drop whatever issue he/she is trying to address it's a win for a stonewaller.  He has manipulated the person into doing what he wants, or at least blocked actions that he does not want. At the same time never expect accountability for a sociaopath. The sense of entitlement is one of their primary traits. As is extreme selfishness.

The partner of a stonewaller can't survive long-term without serious repercussions to her own mental health. I struggled with severe depression, as I knew things were terribly wrong in our marriage. Since he put a stop to any attempt at discussion, I assumed that I was the problem. I lived in constant fear of saying the wrong thing and then living with days of the silent treatment as punishment. I was very serious and rarely smiled. He never said the words, but I certainly got the message that he must always get his own way.

However, not too many people could see through him or guess how we really lived.  My ex-husband was not only a stonewaller, hut a narcissist as well. Like all narcissists, he could be charming and would stop at nothing to project his public persona as an all-around good guy. The majority of people in our lives believed it, including me, since I had not yet identified his narcissism and all its traits as the root of our problems. I perpetually berated myself for being unhappy and wondered what in the world was wrong with me. I mean, I was married to such a nice guy and he was so patient to put up with me. Oh, how I roll my eyes at the way I used to think.

My anxiety was not limited to waking hours. Panic attacks would grip me in the middle of the night. I would wake up with a racing heart, gasping for air, sure that I was a few seconds from death. Besides the anxiety, the confusion that comes from living with an emotional abuser is the worst of all. You're never sure of what is true because he determines your reality. In spite of the fact that my ex- husband never laid a hand on me in anger, the way I behaved around him was similar to what one might expect in the presence of a physically abusive person. Psychological and physical abuse can create the same survival instincts to those in its path.

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