Ñîôòïàíîðàìà 1991, Vol.3. No.6 (36) ***HUMOR*** Ñîñòàâèòåëü: Í.Í. ÁÅÇÐÓÊÎÂ ************************************************************************* A few important rules for Real Programmers Real Programmers don't write specs - users should consider themselves lucky to get any programs at all and take what they get. Real Programmers don't comment their code. It was hard to write, it should be hard to read. Real Programmers don't write application programs, they program right down on the bare metal. Application programming is for feebs who can't do system programming. Real Programmers don't eat quiche. They eat Twinkies, and Szechwan food. Real Programmers don't write in COBOL. COBOL is for wimpy application programmers. Real Programmers programs never work right the first time. But if throw them on the machine they can be patched into working in 'only a few' 30-hour debugging sessions. Real Programmers don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies. Real Programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9 AM it's because they were up all night. Real Programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC, after the age of 12. Real Programmers don't write in PL/I. PL/I is for programmers who can't decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN. Real Programmers don't write in APL. Any fool can be obscure in APL. Real Programmers don't play tennis, or any other sport that requires you to change clothes. Mountain climbing is OK, and Real Programmers wear their climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of the machine room. Real Programmers don't document. Documentation is for simps who can't read the listings or the object deck. Real Programmers don't write in PASCAL, or BLISS, or ADA, or any of those computer science languages. Strong typing is for people with weak memories. Real Programmers know better than the users what they need. Real Programmers think structured programming is a Communist plot. Real Programmers don't use schedules. Schedules are for manager's toadies. Real Programmers like to keep their managers in suspense. Real Programmers think better when playing ADVENTURE. Real Programmers enjoy setting CP/M to work on 370 machines and MVS on their ZX81s. Real Programmers never get annoyed by security systems, they turn off the RACF bits and leave unsigned messages in the security data sets. Real Programmers never update the source to reflect the ZAPs, after all, it will be changed again tomorrow. Real Programmers don't test. Testing is for people with weak nerves and no self-confidence. Real Programmers programs are always recursive and run in supervisor state, else programming is no real fun. Real Programmers never take backup.